Left my two year old, this is what happened..

[kgrace]

So for the 2nd time I went out to dinner w/ husb, left toddler for a few hours w dh sister. Right before I left she asked for my car keys "in case anything happened and they needed to take her to the doctor" and asked who our pedi is...
So if my dd had some wierd health thing I would expect them to call ME first. We were having a date literally 10 minutes away. But then...
when I came home they said they had driven her in my car to go get ice cream that night.
Would anybody else be bothered that they didn't ask me first if they could drive her out? Also I had left ice cream in my freezer and told sil that the toddler could have some as a treat.
I'm just not sure if it's too much that this bothered me.I'm really curious how other moms of toddlers would feel about this?

[2xy]

I'm sure there are many mamas here who would be bothered by that, but I'm not one of them. If I trust you to care for my child while I'm not there, that includes something as simple as going for ice cream. If I was gone at work for a whole day and you took my kid to Six Flags without clearing it with me first, then I'd probably be upset.

You don't mention who "they" is. Who was with your SIL? Does she not have her own vehicle? Maybe going out for ice cream was a way for your SIL (and whomever was with her) to get out of the house for a little while, if she doesn't have her own transportation. Sounds perfectly understandable, to me. Sometimes I like to go out for a burger even when I have food in the house.

[kgrace]

Yeah it was my SIL and her husband watching dd. Our house may be boring to them. We don't have a tv and they are big tv people.I was thinking too, it's easier to take an outing then sit around entertaining and ready books/ chasing a toddler.
I might need to give up some of my control. The last time I came home my dd was crying and sil thought she knew why,(b/c of an old rash on her arm) but as I felt my baby was just hungry, and she hadn't fed her yet at the time I recommended.But she was perfectly safe.
I can't expect people to do everything the way I would. when I babysit I usually try to follow the parents way of doing things closely but maybe others are different.Plus they are doing me a favor to babysit.
Once I left her with a friend when she was about 8 months old and she took her to chucky cheese in her own car without asking and that worried me too. Although I hate to be so much that dd never experiences anything with others...These are both caring women, I know they love my kid.
But the end result is that I feel compelled to not leave her with them unless an emergency. I think it makes me not trust them.

[babydanielsmom]

Nope. Wouldn't have bothered me at all (unless maybe your Sil is 16 yrs old). Like the pp said if I trust you to care for my kiddo I would trust you to take him out for an ice cream. Odds are your Sil just wanted to do something fun with your Lo

[lyra1977]

Wouldn't bother me unless it were a 16yo, like a pp said. Maybe she just misheard you when you mentioned the ice cream in the freezer?

[2xy]

Originally Posted by kgrace

I might need to give up some of my control. The last time I came home my dd was crying and sil thought she knew why,(b/c of an old rash on her arm) but as I felt my baby was just hungry, and she hadn't fed her yet at the time I recommended.But she was perfectly safe. I can't expect people to do everything the way I would.

No, but if people are going to babysit, they need to CARE for the child....not just sit there and be indifferent to a kid's hunger. If you said to feed the kid at a certain time, there's a good reason why!

Does your SIL have any experience with children? Sure, she might be doing you a favor, but babysitting is more than just....well....sitting. Next time, I'd remind her that hungry children need to be fed on time.

[StoriesInTheSoil]

It would probably bother me because driving is exceptionally dangerous, probably the most dangerous thing we do on any given day. Also, incorrect carseat usage can render the restraint completely useless which makes it even MORE dangerous to be in the car. I have repeatedly instructed my father and sister on correct carseat usage (when they are riding in my car but trying to help out) and they still don't check to make sure straps aren't twisted or position the chest clip correctly about half the time and I have to fix it.

I leave my car and take his when my dad watches my DS (always very short time periods- usually less than an hour) in case there is a real emergency but if they go out, they usually go for a walk with the stroller. They go to the grocery store or the drug store, just for the sake of going on an errand. I am much more comfortable with a nice walk in the fresh air than I am with driving for any reason, really.

[justKate]

The way you write it, it sounds like your SIL planned to go out in the car, but told you it was "just in case" of an emergency because she knew you wouldn't approve, which is what would bother me. But, that might be me reading in to it.

I don't let anyone drive my DD except Huz and me. Grandma? Nope. Sorry. Driving is dangerous and if anything happened, God forbid, even beyond the driver's control, I would never forgive the driver or myself for allowing it. If anything happened that your DD needed to get to the doctor that quickly, SIL needs to call 9-1-1 anyway and get an ambulance on the way. Otherwise she should call you.

If it bothers you, it bothers you. That's okay; she's your baby.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by justKate

The way you write it, it sounds like your SIL planned to go out in the car, but told you it was "just in case" of an emergency because she knew you wouldn't approve, which is what would bother me. But, that might be me reading in to it.

That's how I read it too, and I'm guessing that's how it seemed to kgrace's mama instincts or she wouldn't have been writing here about it. On the other hand, I get these weird "what if X happened??" feelings and try to cover all contingencies and might've done the same thing as the SIL did and then later on go "ooo, going out for ice cream, and her car seat is here, lucky!!" But I would've called the parents.

At least she had the decency to make sure she had the car with the safe carseat, even if she knows nothing about carseats she couldn't go far wrong putting your dd into a carseat already installed in your car.

Really, I think it's best to ask before leaving the house unless it's explicitly stated. Like, if Lina were ever okay with being baby sat, I'd tell the sitter about the park and tell them to doublecheck that they have the keys to get back into the building.

[mamakaikai]

It depends on a lot of things. But, if it had not been cleared with me first, I would probably be upset. I rarely leave dd so I am uneasy not knowing where she is. But, if I'd talked to the person caring for dd and had discussed the idea of taking her in the car for such and such activity, and I expected that she had gone to that activity, that woudl obviously be different.

I would however be fine with it if the the care person took her for a walk to the park or so on.

There is something about car safety, and also not knowing where dd is. Also, there is a fine line between taking someone elses kid somewhere without permission and that giving the careperson the idea that it's ok to just take them out and about wherever next time. For one, I don't give dd ice cream, so that would intefere with our parenting choices, as would some other activity that I might not think is appropriate parenting for my child.

[lisavark]

I would expect a babysitter to call first and ask before driving DD ANYWHERE. My DD is also two, and nobody has ever driven her anywhere but me and DH. Granted, we live in the city so there are plenty of places to walk to. But yeah, driving is dangerous. I would expect a phone call...and honestly, if a sitter called and asked if they could drive DD somewhere, I would almost certainly say no and point out that there's ice cream in the freezer, or they can walk to the corner store, or whatever.

But we're kind of anti-driving anyway.

That said, I do always leave the car with a carseat at the house when my mom babysits, just in case! I always imagine there will be some scenario where she'll need it. But like a pp said, if it were actually an emergency she'd be calling 911, not driving anywhere.

[pianojazzgirl]

It wouldn't have bothered me, unless for some reason I didn't want SIL driving my car anyway (but in that case I wouldn't have left the keys in the first place!). I certainly understand how much easier it can sometimes be to go for a little outing when you're babysitting, especially if a change of scene is needed to break the dc out of a bad mood or whatever.

Thinking about this some more, I think it's because I only ever leave my dc with people that I really trust. So when I do leave them I don't care if the caretaker wants to take them out somewhere - I don't need them to call me about it or anything. I figure I've left them in good hands so now I can go out and enjoy myself or work or whatever and (TBH) I don't think about the kids much at all! (Am I a bad mother??? ).

ETA I bet I would have felt differently with dd (my first child). Maybe now that I have 2 I'm more relaxed???

[gbailey]

Originally Posted by justKate

The way you write it, it sounds like your SIL planned to go out in the car, but told you it was "just in case" of an emergency because she knew you wouldn't approve, which is what would bother me. But, that might be me reading in to it.

I don't let anyone drive my DD except Huz and me. Grandma? Nope. Sorry. Driving is dangerous and if anything happened, God forbid, even beyond the driver's control, I would never forgive the driver or myself for allowing it. If anything happened that your DD needed to get to the doctor that quickly, SIL needs to call 9-1-1 anyway and get an ambulance on the way. Otherwise she should call you.

If it bothers you, it bothers you. That's okay; she's your baby.

I agree with this post. It sounded like she wanted to go out anyway and used the just in case situation as a means to get the car keys.

I personally wouldn't want DD driven by someone other than her dad or me especially without clearing it with us first. In this situation, I would be more bothered that I feel the SIL knew she was going to take DD for a drive and used the emergency thing as an excuse becuase she knew we wouldn't feel comfortable. Ice cream? DC would have been okay not having it until mommy and daddy came home or the next day. JMHO

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by justKate

The way you write it, it sounds like your SIL planned to go out in the car, but told you it was "just in case" of an emergency because she knew you wouldn't approve, which is what would bother me. But, that might be me reading in to it.

This is how I read it too, and I would be bothered by the dishonesty more than the trip.

[JMJ]

I think that an unrelated babysiter certainly shouldn't be taking a kid off the proprety at all without parental permission. Maybe I'm a little extreme (or maybe it's because a little girl got kidnapped a couple years ago just blocks away from here), but I would want to give permission even to go to a local park or to walk around the block.

I don't know how much that changes with relatives. I think that sometimes, people who are related to the child think that they have the right to share in some of the parental responsibilities, including decision making. Ultimately, though, I think it's the parent's choice. I probably wouldn't be that upset about SIL taking DD to the park or on a walk, but I still think that driving really crosses a line.

It sounds like your SIL and you have different ideas about the decisions that they should make in your absence and the decisions they should check with you first. I know it's possible, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions about her trying to do things behind your back. I would just focus on how to make it not happen in the future.

[shanniesue2]

It wouldn't bother me... especially since you already said she could have ice cream as a treat. But I tend to be a little more laid back. I can't imagine setting limits like "no one can drive DS except me or DH." Now I don't let just anybody drive him somewhere and I'm careful to make sure they know how to buckle him into the carseat safely... But I'm also really careful of who
I leave him with. If I wouldn't trust someone to drive him, I probably wouldn't trust them enough to leave him with them.

I think it's important for me to try and maintain a balance with how protective I am of DS.

[laughymama]

I might be a bit irked because I too feel like she asked for the keys knowing she wanted to take an outing but figured you wouldn't approve...but that could be totally wrong.

I don't leave my son with anyone who I wouldn't feel comfortable driving him out to get an ice cream or go to the park. I generally prefer to be asked first though. Does it make him 'safer' that I KNOW he's going somewhere? No...but for some reason it makes me feel more peaceful to know about any and all trips being taken.

[crunchy_mommy]

If I handed her the keys, then no, it wouldn't have bothered me, but I probably wouldn't have done that. I would've just said to call us if there's an emergency or call 911 if it's major/immediate... I've only left DS once, for 45mins with my sis, so I know it's scary leaving your kid at all & I imagine having something go differently than you expected makes it harder!!

[~Amy~]

If it were one of my SILs, I wouldn't care a bit. I trust both of them to use a car seat properly & drive safely.

[~NewMa~]

I would have been bothered by her not asking but I wouldn't let it bother me too much. Next time I would just include "please ask first if you wanna take her out" as part of the instructions before you leave. I know it's no use harping on "what-if's" buuuut, what if you had come home early and they weren't there? That would make you worry and she's there to make sure you don't have to worry, right?