how many times before you'd call the police? little league - Page 3

[phathui5]

Has he talked to the parents about it causing an inconvenience for him?

[34me]

I work for a Parks and Rec department and this very issue is why we lose a lot of our great coaches. Kudos to your brother for stepping up and coaching, he would probably rather be watching his son play and not dealing with the headaches that come with a volunteer job.

[blizzard_babe]

I've been in this position as a coach and teacher... and it SUCKS. It sucks because, other than calling the cops (which is a HUGE deal, and rightfully seems like overkill), there is absolutely. jack. freakin'. squat you can do about it.

I mean... whatever, if parents don't want to or can't stay for games... it sucks for the kids, but I know as a coach I always paid a little extra attention to those kids to make up for it. Not the same, but it's something. But to then just not show up on time... ugh.

One thing I found helpful was to ask the parents what they'd like me to do with their kids when they were late picking them up. Saying something like, "This seems to be an ongoing problem. I really have things to after game time. What do you WANT me to do with your kid when you're unable to pick him up on time?" It puts responsibility back where it belongs... with the parent.

Few will say, "Just wait around, I'm incapable of ever being on time so the world should wait for me. What I have to do is much more important than your plans," even though that seems to be how some people see issues of punctuality. Most mutter something about losing track of time or traffic or long lines at the car wash and then improve, at least for a few weeks.

[feminist~mama]

Do the parents not have cell phones? I'd call near the end of the game to let them know it's nearly over, then start calling every few minutes once the game was in fact over.

[pacificbliss]

I would not call the police. I'd send notes home reminding all prents that warm-ups start 30 minutes (or whatever) before game time and rarely last more than 2 hrs nd that it is the parent's responsibility to pick their child up on time. See if that helps. If it does not I would walk out to the car and before the kid gets in tell the parent we need to come up with some plan for what to do if they are not there in 15 minutes. After that i would take it to the league president. There are player agents and other administrtors (all volunteer) who can step in and help our brother.

[Kidzaplenty]

I just don't see a problem. The parents drop him off, he has a game/practice and then they pick him up. They have not asked anyone to watch him, and he is not at the field completely alone or for very long.

I think calling the cops is totally overkill. And I don't see it as illegal. If someone wanted to take the responsibility of standing by the kid, I don't see how they could be angry at the parents for that. And I totally don't get where they have the right to have the kid disobey his father by not letting him go to the father when he drove up, but made the father get out of the care to walk over and get him. Totally not right, IMO.

I think the most angry I get at other people is when they try to push their child rearing choices on me or try and get my children to do what they think is right. "Right" is a relative term. And how I raise my children will not be the same as you. I have had too many people try and do this same thing with my children (my Mom especially). So, I have a really short fuse when someone does this with other people's children. I guess you can say it is my pet peave. <OK, off my soapbox now.>

I say, let it go.

But that is just my opinion. I don't guess it will be over popular on this thread though.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

I just don't see a problem. The parents drop him off, he has a game/practice and then they pick him up. They have not asked anyone to watch him, and he is not at the field completely alone or for very long.

I think calling the cops is totally overkill. And I don't see it as illegal. If someone wanted to take the responsibility of standing by the kid, I don't see how they could be angry at the parents for that. And I totally don't get where they have the right to have the kid disobey his father by not letting him go to the father when he drove up, but made the father get out of the care to walk over and get him. Totally not right, IMO.

I think the most angry I get at other people is when they try to push their child rearing choices on me or try and get my children to do what they think is right. "Right" is a relative term. And how I raise my children will not be the same as you. I have had too many people try and do this same thing with my children (my Mom especially). So, I have a really short fuse when someone does this with other people's children. I guess you can say it is my pet peave. <OK, off my soapbox now.>

I say, let it go.

But that is just my opinion. I don't guess it will be over popular on this thread though.

I think that I agree with you on the parents not coming to the games aspect. The kids are supervised, the parents have presumably signed safety waivers and whatnot... whether parents choose to be there or not is up to them.

The part that I think is disrespectful of the parent is arriving late for pick-up. The coach (and most coaches are unpaid parent volunteers at the youth levels) had to sit around and wait with the kid because the parents couldn't get their cans back to the field in time to pick the kid up. That's not a "how I raise my kid" issue, it's a "hey, I probably shouldn't make this person who volunteers to help give my kid a good time playing a sport sit around because I can't be bothered to be on time" issue.

[HavingAGirl89]

3 Strikes your out is my policy, but in case maybe 2 strikes! This is child negligence and the authoritys need to be notified.

[Kidzaplenty]

True, it is disrespectful for the parents to be 45 minutes late, but I thought it only happened once. That could fall under an accident.

Seems the real problem in the OP is the child being left there for the game/practice and the parent not staying to watch.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

True, it is disrespectful for the parents to be 45 minutes late, but I thought it only happened once. That could fall under an accident.

Seems the real problem in the OP is the child being left there for the game/practice and the parent not staying to watch.

See, and I got the impression that the child being left there was only a problem because of the lateness in picking him back up.

Eh, either way. Rude to be late, OK to be not there (as long as it's not against the rules of the league). I think we can agree on that .

[Kidzaplenty]

Funny how we all can read the same thing and get something totally different out of it. Show how our experiences color our views.

[newmommy7-08]

The OP responded and said that her brothers issue with it was the CONTINUED lateness. The most recent was another hour after the OP had left the ballpark. This is something that makes me crazy with DH and his coaching, and he coaches high school girls! There is very little respect for his time, and that they are cutting into our time by not picking up their kids ontime. Even tho DH is paid for his coaching... trust me it doesn't even BEGIN to cover the time he invests!

It is a policy that the coach cannot leave until everyone is picked up. OP's brother is not CHOOSING to stay and wait, he's required to. One time late is an accident, two times is an oops... but at least three, that just a complete inability to manage your time and they're punishing the coach and their child. Can you imagine how the child feels 5-10 minutes after all the other kids are gone? STILL waiting for mom and dad? STILL waiting 30 or 40 minutes after that? How is that even close to being responsible?

At least w/ DH's high schoolers they have cell phones to call their parents and say hey! what's taking so long!

To the OP I think your brother needs to ask the head guy what exactly is the policy, and if they don't have one he needs to offer to draft one to get approved ASAP as this is not fair to anyone involved... except perhaps the parents because they're able to come and go as they please and know their child is being watched!

[beckyand3littlemonsters]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

It may not be illegal for them to leave their kid byhimself... but I don't think its legal for your bro to just leave him by himself.

Originally Posted by stik

I agree with the earlier poster who said it's perfectly legal for the parents to leave the child at the park for 45 minutes, but not for the coach to do so.

why? i really don't understand why it is ok for parents, the people who are supposed to be responsible for THEIR child to leave them alone for that length of time yet it is illegal for the coach who is not responsible for the child.
not that i'm saying your brother should just leave him but if parents are supposed to stay with their children then they should and being 45 mins late is not acceptable imo.

[mamadelbosque]

Because the laws with kids are just, well, a bit strange. I, as a parent, can choose to leave my kids at home for 15 or 30 minutes while I run to the store. But, I as a baby sitter, can not. Why? Because if something happens in that 15-30 minutes when they were *my* responsibility *I* can be sued by the parent - I was supposed to be watching them, and then I chose not to. Thats not OK. Its one of those things - you as parent can be alone with your kids. I as a volunteer can not.

Actually, its probably illegal/against the rules for her brother to be alone with this child - thats one-on-one time spent, alone with a kid. Thats a perfect set up for abuse - or for accusations of abuse - because it becomes kids word against adults, and when your talking abuse, who do you believe??

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by mamadelbosque

Actually, its probably illegal/against the rules for her brother to be alone with this child - thats one-on-one time spent, alone with a kid. Thats a perfect set up for abuse - or for accusations of abuse - because it becomes kids word against adults, and when your talking abuse, who do you believe??

I hadn't even thought about this angle, but it's an unfortunate consideration.

I would require the parents to give a contact number to reach them (cel, work, or other location) and start calling them when the game is almost over, and every 5-10 min until they picked the child up. Send a form letter home with the time of practice/game as a reminder, and a space to fill in contact numbers for late pickups. Maybe throw in there that since the coach has to stay after until all children are picked up and is not allowed to leave kids alone, and that the coach has his own family to attend to, prompt pickups are expected and appreciated.

Is there any chance the parents don't know that the coach can't leave? Maybe they just figure the coach will leave and they're OK with their kid at the park by himself. I'd make sure it was crystal clear to the parents that the coach CAN'T legally leave the kid, and say you expect they will be on time.

[Catubodua]

Originally Posted by beckyand3littlemonsters

why? i really don't understand why it is ok for parents, the people who are supposed to be responsible for THEIR child to leave them alone for that length of time yet it is illegal for the coach who is not responsible for the child.

what she said above.

think of it this way - it's legal for you to leave your child in your car for a few moments while you run groceries into your house or if you leave your sleeping toddler in the car when you stop at a tag sale. however, it's illegal for a school bus driver to leave your child for even one second by themselves on the bus. same idea that you can leave your child home alone for 15 minutes to run to the store, but a daycare provider would be shut down if they left your child alone. it's a quirk of the law, not that it always makes sense.

i don't know if the dad's cell phone number is available or has been provided to the league on a consent form or whatever. i assume this is something that my brother and the lead administrator can discuss when they talk.

[mamabearsoblessed]

I didn't have time to read everything posted folowing the op in depth BUT~ this happened here last week and the police WERE called, but it's a little different and I'll exoplain why.
DH coaches dd and ds teams for softball and baseball. 1 boy, he's 7, came to the game and it was clear to dh he was alone. Dh asked where his grownup was and he told dh she was going to a friends house in T. (like 50 mins each way). Dh made his other coaches aware the boy was alone and to keep an eye out. Later the team was coming off the field for lineup to bat and dh was lining up the boys and asst coach says 'where's B."
Nowhere to be seen.
Our fields border a river, scrambling ensues, dh ran all over looking for B, as did the other coaches/parents. Our fields are busy! Crawling with people you klnow and people you don't. Main streets, rivere, traffic.
Dh checked the other fields, the snack shacks, ice cream parlor and arcade blocks away. No B.
By the time he arrived back to the field the mother and police had been called (1 of the parents arriving for a later game is a cop too). After a couple of attempts mom was reached and said 'we had an emergency and I ssent S. (the 4 yr old brother) to get him.
So basically S came on the field at switch time and they walked off together at switch time.
Mom told noone, never got out of her car that she parked across the rd to pickup, nothing.
What it comes down to is this. Our LL has rules that a child/player under 12 must be accompanied by an adult, whether a parent or other adult supervision. My dh is an amazing coach but is not your child's babysitter. As far as I'm concerned it is not about the parent arttending the game but taking responsibility and supervised responsibility for your child. It is also illegal in my state to have a child unsupervised in a PUBLIC place under the age of 12. There is no law as to when they can be left at home but a public location is 12yo.
You can be sure phonecalls and emails went out immediately AGAIN through LL participant reminding them of the supervision rule.

As for the waivers a pp mentioned~ a typical town/rec league waiver is not a daycare/ babysitting waiver. It is a waiver for risk of injury related to the sport being played and for utilizing league/town equipment. Period.

I will be back when I have more time and can read responses more thoroughly as I'm running late and shouldn't be playing on mdc and my rush is prob. clear by my typos.

Plus I have a ton to say on this matter.

ETA the mom had left him and been spoken to before this incident
.

[nannymom]

I've read the entire thread and I don't know what the solution is for the coach. I'm just curious-are there really people out there who think 8 is an acceptiable age to be left alone in a public space like a park?

[ollyoxenfree]

I think there have been a few good suggestions on dealing directly with the parent who consistently shows up late for pick-up. I'd try some of them before calling the police. That seems like a last resort solution.

I find the belief that a parent MUST stay for the entire game to be interesting. Some leagues have considered encouraging parents to stay away from games or even closing games to spectators. It's a response to the overbearing, over-involved, hyper-competitive behaviour of many parents at their children's sporting events.

I know a few coaches who would be very happy if parents just dropped their kids off and drove away, and let the kids have their fun.

[calpurnia]

Originally Posted by nannymom

I've read the entire thread and I don't know what the solution is for the coach. I'm just curious-are there really people out there who think 8 is an acceptiable age to be left alone in a public space like a park?

I think an 8 year old, depending on the individual 8 year old, can spend time alone in public spaces, yes.