4 year old unreasonable about a smoothie

[SundayCrepes]

We make lots of fruit smoothies. I like to add raw eggs from our chickens and spinach to increase the nutrition. Today my 4 year old son wanted a "yellow smoothie" without egg or spinach. Fine. I made enough smoothie for all of us with the intent of serving him some then adding in egg and spinach for me and my toddler. I told my son this.

Good lord, you would think I was threatening to cram the spinach up his nose. "I don't want you to make the yellow smoothie green. I don't like that kind. There won't be enough for me if I want extra. Don't ever do this..."

I tried explaining, "I'll make enough yellow for you. The green is for me and the baby." then "Would you like me to put extra yellow in the fridge in case you want more later?" etc.

I tried reflecting, "You're afraid you won't get enough smoothie. You're unhappy I'm making the smoothie green."

I gave him the cup he wanted and put away how much extra smoothie he wanted. I added the egg and spinach to what remained in the blender. His wailing continued.

I was back to explaining and reflecting. Then I told him to blow it out his ear.

I finally walked away. He came to me to dry his eyes and blow his nose then he went into the other room to read. He tells me, "Don't make yellow smoothies green again," whenever I walk in that room.

Any suggestions on what I can do to get my very tunnel-visioned 4 year old to either be more flexible or less vocal?

[stik]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

Any suggestions on what I can do to get my very tunnel-visioned 4 year old to either be more flexible or less vocal?

Wait until he's nine?

My dd was like this when she was four, too. She still can be if she's hungry, angry or tired. Or just feeling really stubborn.

You were thoughtful and responsive to your ds's concerns. I think you were right to cut the conversation off - he can't control what kind of smoothie everyone else gets.

[heartmama]

You did fine. I would just re-iterate he can have a smoothie his way, but you get to pick how to have your smoothie too. If he doesn't like it, oh well. In time, he will get it.

[SundayCrepes]

Sigh...Thanks for the support.

Is 9 long enough to wait? lol

[heartmama]

I think he'll get it sooner than 9--this was probably a bad day or passing phase. My ds was past that kind of stuff completely by 7, but didn't do it much of it past the age of 5.

[LCBMAX]

I know you had a hard time there, but I had to post because the title of your thread made me laugh. Husband and I were just discussing this am's incident in our kitchen with 27 month old son that resulted in fish oil stains on the ceiling. Darn these unreasonable kids!

ps. what's your smoothie recipe? sounds delicious! I want my yellow smoothie green, please, mama!

[One_Girl]

As my dd has gotten older she has come to see that I am not going to let her lose out on things that she likes and that I will take her feelings into consideration and that has really helped her not to be willing to work things out without getting tunnel vision too often. I think it is normal for kids to be extremely disappointed about only having an option they view as disgusting or about a situation where they don't think they will get their fill because they can't just make more or change what they get. Getting to have a say and having lots of experience with these situations turning out well really does help, but that takes time.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

ps. what's your smoothie recipe? sounds delicious! I want my yellow smoothie green, please, mama!

We throw in whatever frozen fruit we're interested in at the moment and sometimes a fresh banana. I keep frozen mango. frozen blueberries, and frozen strawberries in the freezer, but any others you like would work.

Then we add peach juice (not filtered) and milk. I have the juice come about 2 to 3 inches up the fruit in the blender then the milk the rest of the way, another 4 or 5 inches. Sometimes we add frozen plain yogurt, sometimes we don't.

So today's yellow smoothie was fresh banana and frozen mango. Once I didn't have mango and he wanted just yellow so I made a fresh banana, juice and milk smoothie. It was thin because there wasn't anything frozen in it and he liked it just fine.

The green smoothie is banana and mango with frozen spinach and eggs added.

The spinach doesn't alter the taste much and I say, "Should we put in green polk-a-dots today?" Sometimes he wants that, sometimes he doesn't. It definitely alters the color of a yellow smoothie. If I've added strawberries it all just sort of becomes greyish with green spots. With blueberries it's purple with green spots.

When I put in the eggs and spinach I consider it a pretty complete meal. If the kids aren't interested in eating anything else, they'll eat this. I keep meaning to buy some flax seed oil. Since my kids get DHA gummies I'm not in a hurry to get the flax, it just seems a good idea.

I know this isn't the point of this thread, but if anyone adds anything else to their smoothies to increase the nutrition, I'd love to know what you add.

[dahlialia]

I think the thing about 4 year olds is they can be unreasonable about anything. Including something that they were fine with just the day before!

We add peanut butter to our smoothies. Makes them taste a little like ice cream. And I like the protein; I have a hard time with raw eggs.

[2xy]

I think you gave him too much information and it made him worried. There was really no reason to tell him that you planned on adding egg and spinach after he got his portion. I know it seemed innocuous at the time, but some kids focus in on something negative and can't turn it off.

Next time, when he asks for yellow smoothie (or in a similar situation), just say "okay".

4yo children are very egocentric. They can't really see things from another person's point of view.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I think you gave him too much information and it made him worried. There was really no reason to tell him that you planned on adding egg and spinach after he got his portion. I know it seemed innocuous at the time, but some kids focus in on something negative and can't turn it off.

Next time, when he asks for yellow smoothie (or in a similar situation), just say "okay".

4yo children are very egocentric. They can't really see things from another person's point of view.

Makes sense.

Of course, the day before when we did this there was no drama involved.

[stik]

OMG, I know, right? I hate how it changes so fast!

When my dd was 4, she once had an hours-long fit over her dad picking her up to leave the playground, like he had always done, every day, for months. And it kept going and going because, she said, she wanted him to *not have done that.* Our intervention at the beginning was an offer to go back to where she had been and let her walk from that spot to the car but it didn't help because she literally wanted us to turn back time and never have been picked up in the first place. She refused all attempts at comfort. In the end, all we could do was tell her that we were sorry she was sad, and she needed to leave space on the kitchen floor (where she was sobbing) so other people could get from the stove to the table to fix dinner. After three hours, she fell asleep.

I was really glad when DH's aunt told me that kind of thing was a developmental phase, not a personality trait.

[Viola]

Originally Posted by SundayCrepes

I was back to explaining and reflecting. Then I told him to blow it out his ear.

I've experienced things like this, kids being really unreasonable about the things I want to do. I guess in part it's just that he wants you to like and want the smoothie he wants, or he wants to exert that kind of control over you.

I remember my daughters getting angry when I would go pee, and try and push my off the toilet. And one day the one started crying and said, "Why are you punishing me???" I said, "How am I punishing you?" She replied, "You told me I couldn't hit my sister!"

I've done the empathizing and reflecting thing with my kids and then added, "I know you want to cry and you're allowed to cry, but you can't cry here." So yeah, in other words, blow it out your ear.

[beebalmmama]

I've definitely experienced this kind of behavior in my 4.5 yr old too. Although he probably would have thrown the smoothie at me or tried to dump it down the sink.
I don't know when it ends.....but it will sure be nice when it does. Probably just in time for my ds 2 to reach that stage.

[SundayCrepes]

Originally Posted by beebalmmama

I don't know when it ends.....but it will sure be nice when it does. Probably just in time for my ds 2 to reach that stage.

I hear that. Number 2 is just starting to fight getting into her carseat. It's still cute when she doesn't want to go where you're going so she just sits down. I can't remember when it stops being cute and just gets annoying.

[Chicky2]

Ugh, we had a similar situation (ok, just about daily, really) but it involved strawberry yogurt and a blue bowl. She didn't want the blue bowl, and then after 2 more bowl changes, she wanted the blue one. Now the rule is one change only, lol.

[SundayCrepes]

So we spent the day at the Desert Museum (75 degrees in May in Tucson. Who would have ever thought of that?) We dropped off his friend at home. He slept in the car but didn't get a full nap. I knew I was in trouble...

He'd asked if he could have vanilla scones for his sugar today. So while he and his sister slept, I drove around to a few starbucks looking for said scones. I finally found one. Just one. (They're small so he usually has 3.) Everyone else was sold out. So I thought when he woke up I would be safe. I had a scone shield.

Boy was I wrong. "I wanted 3 scones." I drove to 3 friggin starbucks and did the best I could and it wasn't enough. I knew it was because he didn't sleep long enough, but geez. He eventually asked for a yellow smoothie. "But remember not to make the rest of it green." I decided today was not the day to stand my ground.

[angielablau]

I think four year olds are just REALLY weird about food. Our daughter will NOT try anything that seems remotely strange to her, even acting almost offended that you'd eat something that she thinks is gross. She has a fit whenever I eat blue cheese in front of her and goes on and on about how she "hates stinky cheese." Haha. She's also say she wants something, then you make it for her and she suddenly doesn't want to eat anything. So really, it might just be how they are at this age...

[jessemoon]

A wise friend of mine once told me that the very state of being a frustrated 3 year old (though it applies to 4 year olds as well) is wanting two opposing things at the same time and not being able to understand the impossibility of it.

[SallyN]

great stuff.

I'm going to chime in to say that the big deal probably wasn't about the smoothie, but something else and the smoothie was how it manifested.

(posting and running... does the above make any sense? i'll try to come back later to expound.)