Need help moving toward a boobless bedtime

[PiePie]

DD is 2 y, 8 m. I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am ready to have her go to sleep without nursing if her father is willing to participate in that. I love nursing her, I do, but I think it will make my life much easier if there are other ways that she can get to sleep. I am not saying I will never nurse her down -- I would not want to take away a tool, especially since my husband travels a lot for work and I am having a really hard first trimester (hyperemesis plus just severe exhuastion); I just want my boobs to stop being mandatory for her.

I told her about the plan to start yesterday; she was eager to get stories with Daddy but was screaming and crying and breaking out of his arms to come to me within less than 15 minutes. DH is not comfortable physically restraining her, so we reverted to the norm.

Which has been going on for 2 y, 8 m. I am ready to take some time for me.

She definitely understands about my boobs hurting now, and will ask if a particular boob hurts before nursing, promise to be gentle etc. I guess I could tell her my boobs hurt too much to nurse. But in truth if the boobless bedtime is not working out I will step in and nurse, so that will be sending her mixed messages??

At present I am leaving it up to DH for when he says to abort his attempt at bedtime routine, and he thinks he is following her cues. I had wanted him to try for a set amount of time, but he is unwilling to do that if she is disconsolate.

Note that for almost 2 mos. we have been nursing only at nighttime (including first thing in the morning -- we cosleep), at my initiative -- that went over easily.

Note also that she wakes 1-4 times a night to nurse. I would like to eliminate that too.

[Friday13th]

We did this a few months ago at roughly the same point in pregnancy. I cut down on how long DS could nurse, gradually, while explaining my boobs hurt. When I reached max time I would pop him off and explain the boobs were done and we could snuggle. It took it pretty well and after a few weeks stopped nursing before bed altogether. Then DH and I would both lay with him until he fell asleep and now he'll accept DH or I pretty equally and really just wants someone in the room with him but doesn't require patting or rocking or anything.

Good luck!

[cking]

Piepie,
first, I'll relate my recent experience. It isn't really the same situation, but it is the first time I've initiated any changes in nursing.

DD has been nursing only 3x/day since September. She was the one who brought herself down to that frequency, during a weekend trip to the beach, when she was probably too busy to be interested in nursing, other than going to sleep and upon waking. I was 20w pregnant at the time, so that probably helped too. When DS was born, she started asking more often, but I usually refused and had her stick to the 3x/day (with a few exceptions.) Recently, she's been refusing to eat....she fills up on breastmilk in the morning, then refuses breakfast (which used to be her biggest meal), and some days would still be refusing to eat by 11-12, and thus becoming very out of control (from low blood sugar, i believe) and too much for me to handle with a newborn. So, one day last week I told her we were going to start nursing only 2x/day, starting now. And I asked if she wanted to nurse in the morning or at nap time, she chose morning (of course, this was the option of now or later, and she chose now. big surprise.) I was very surprised, but it worked. At nap time I reminded her of the deal, and told her she could have a snack (the rest of her lunch, really), so she did, and she went to sleep. It didn't really go very smoothly, as this took about an hour, then DS woke up hungry and I had to go to him, so she cried for a bit, but she did go to sleep without me.)

So we've been sticking with it. That's hard for me -- I feel like I want to give in, since it's usually very easy to get her to sleep by nursing. But I think it's really important to stick with the arrangement that you make with her. She might protest, but eventually she'll be ok with it. Can you offer snuggles instead of nursing?

Also, it sounds like now your DD nurses bedtime, overnight and morning, and you want to get down to only mornings? I might say start with eliminating overnight nursings first. It seemed to help to tell my DD that she can nurse when the sun comes up. Then, that line might also work at bedtime...waiting until the sun comes up to nurse again. (of course, that's not much help in the summer, huh?)

[Maela]

I like what pp have said. I also have an idea. Would she do better if you told her the plan a week or two before it started? I know that most toddlers don't understand time very much, but we did this with Maev and I'm pretty sure it helped. L is pretty advanced language-wise, right? I started telling Maev a story about a little girl who wanted to nurse, but her mama said that she couldn't at night (or at bedtime, anymore at all, etc. I modified the story for each little change). In the story, the little girl was sad at first, but then she realized other things she could do/have instead of bfing (sippy cup of water, cuddles, singing a song with mama/dada, hearing a story, etc.). Then after a week or two of hearing the story, we would implement the change. If she got upset, we would remind her what the little girl did in the story.

When dh started putting her to bed, she did cry off and on for about 30 minutes the first couple of times, but we just told her that I had some important things to do (and we told her that that morning, so she was somewhat prepared).

Not sure if that will work for you, but it's an idea.

[LCBMAX]

Originally Posted by cking

I might say start with eliminating overnight nursings first. It seemed to help to tell my DD that she can nurse when the sun comes up. Then, that line might also work at bedtime...waiting until the sun comes up to nurse again. (of course, that's not much help in the summer, huh?)

I"ll second this advice. Though I'm not pregnant, I have had lots of pain with nursing throughout. My experience right now is that having nightweaned at 27 months makes me so much better able to tolerate the going to sleep nursing session.

Since increasing your tolerance may not be all you need in another month: I'd also say that the experience of nightweaning gave me lots of tools that I am storing up for when I need to cut back on nursing even more, and seems to have had the effect of loosening my son's need to nurse in other situations. I can get him off me now much more easily, and last night for the first time EVER I was able to lie down to read books with him without it turning into a demand for nursing.

And it really sounds like you need sleep! It was scary for me to commit to nightweaning, but as luck would have it, my son was ready and it was a relative piece of cake. Hope your plans go as well for you!

[SollysMom]

We tried nightweaning DS1 a few times when I was pregnant with DS2, but he just wasn't ready. We're not actively trying now, but sometimes when I'm nursing him to sleep at night the baby will need me and my husband will bring him back to me and we'll switch. If DS1 is already very groggy and almost asleep, he will protest for just a few seconds and then snuggle with DH to go to sleep while I leave the room with the baby. We actually are thinking of using this to our advantage by slowly decreasing the amount of time I spend in bed with him. Like, on day 1, if I'm not out in 30 minutes DH comes back and we switch. If that is successful, day 2 is 25 minutes, etc. Until eventually I can nurse him in another room and then DH puts him to bed, or something like that.