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How do I break it to my neighbours that we are building a fence? UPDATE - Page 2

post #21 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by momtoS View Post
I have two small children. We have two neighbours on either side and neighbours behind us. Our neighbours on one side (behind) have a fence and an inground pool. But to allow their children through they put a gate and latch to get through to our neighbours yard. The new neighbours behind us broke the fence between us so their children can cut through our yard to get to school and bike ride, but opening our yard to a busy street. Our other neighbour bought a large, friendly, jumpy dog...which has knocked over my kids. I have finally talked my hubbie into building a fence (when we came home on Sunday and 10 kids were riding bikes through our yard (and garden).

He is nervous about ticking off the neighbours.....how do I tell them?
I would look into your local codes to be sure to do everything by the book. I would simply say that you decided on a fence to keep your children safe.
post #22 of 94
I did it when a surveyor came out.As he was marking off the property lines the neighbor came out.I said "We are having the property surveyed so we don't make ANY mistakes when we put a fence in."

A survey is a must to relax neighbors about what belongs to each person.Had we not done one we would have been off by many feet.Neighbor had no choice but to accept the fence.Although neighbors CAN get their own survey done if they disagree with yours.

Follow the laws.Permit and any setbacks.Height restrictions.Then no one can complain legally.

Oh and place your fence INSIDE the property line.If it is ON the line it becomes your property AND the neighbors.My fence is a few inches inside the line,and no one has a right to tie onto it or lean stuff on it.Even with a wood fence you would be better off putting it right inside the line.I have read to many issues created when a person puts a wood fence 2-3 feet inside their property(so they can paint the fence),and then the neighbor takes over that strip of land along the fence.

Best wishes! I love my fence even though it is only chainlink.No more trespassing by anyone.
post #23 of 94
I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.

I'm surprised that so many people don't think it's something to inform your neighbors about. In the Do-Unto-Others way of thinking, just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you have to fling it in someone's face. I would definitely like to know ahead of time just out of consideration. Is neighborly consideration somehow considered old-fashioned and passe'? I've seen posts where people on MDC wonder why there's no sense of community and why they don't get to know their neighbors. Well, maybe it's a reflection of how you treat your neighbors.

I have a fence. DH and I talked to our neighbors about it and explained why and they understood and were all just fine with it. I think it was important in the dynamic of a neighborly relationship.
post #24 of 94
I guess I feel as if I don't need the neighbor's blessing to do with what I want on my property (barring an HOA situation). I may casually inform them that a fence will be going up during a certain time frame but I would not feel like I needed their approval to continue. Good fences make good neighbors.
post #25 of 94
Yes Verde, that is what I was trying to say. Why not just go to your two next door neighbors and say hey, we are concerned that our kids may escape so we are putting up a fence. You may notice some noise/workmen/supplies about, but we will try to get it up quickly. It wouldn't take but a few minutes and would save the feeling of community.

When our neighbors put up their giant fence without telling anyone, it just screamed to the neighborhood "LEAVE US ALONE!", so we do. Now those same neighbors hate it here because no one is friendly (she told me this herself).
post #26 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by verde View Post
I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.

I'm surprised that so many people don't think it's something to inform your neighbors about. In the Do-Unto-Others way of thinking, just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you have to fling it in someone's face. I would definitely like to know ahead of time just out of consideration. Is neighborly consideration somehow considered old-fashioned and passe'? I've seen posts where people on MDC wonder why there's no sense of community and why they don't get to know their neighbors. Well, maybe it's a reflection of how you treat your neighbors.

I have a fence. DH and I talked to our neighbors about it and explained why and they understood and were all just fine with it. I think it was important in the dynamic of a neighborly relationship.
Yeah, I was kind of wondering all this. I mean, technically you don't HAVE to ask/tell/inform/whatever anyone, but unless relations are already bad between you and your neighbors... I don't see a reason not to.
post #27 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by verde View Post
I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.
It might have a regional component to it. I live in an area where every single yard is fenced, usually with 6-foot privacy fencing, so there wouldn't be the whole shutting-people-out connotation associated with putting up a fence; it'd just be a natural, obvious thing for someone to do if for some reason a portion of their yard wasn't fenced.

With neighbors I talk to regularly, it would probably come up in normal conversation, but making a point of going over and notifying neighbors I don't otherwise socialize much with would give it an odd, stilted, too-important quality that it just wouldn't otherwise have in my area.
post #28 of 94
"I just wanted to let you know that we're building a fence next week. We're really worried about our kids getting into the street."

You can be direct, polite and firm. You do not need to get walked all over in order to be liked by your neighbors.
post #29 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamadelbosque View Post
I'd just put up the fence... and I'd definetl do it right on my property line unless their were laws against that (though I've never heard of such).
When there are setback laws, they generally have to do with allowing utility companies access to power lines and such.

In my old neighborhood, you could walk along and see fences with a strip of land big enough for a truck to drive down between them. Growing up there weren't any setback laws and we shared fences with neighbors on all three sides, plus a fourth neighbor had a common post. Nice for my parents when they moved in with a toddler, all they had to put up was a fence in the front.

And my guess is they didn't mention it to the neighbors beforehand, because the neighbors all had fences so why would it be weird to build one too?
post #30 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post
When our neighbors put up their giant fence without telling anyone, it just screamed to the neighborhood "LEAVE US ALONE!", so we do. Now those same neighbors hate it here because no one is friendly (she told me this herself).
Giant fences are not allowed in any of the places I've lived. The standard has been a wooden 6 foot fence.

Also, fencing all my yards did not alienate me from any of my friends and neighbors. Most of the time, it was just to get the dogs from running up to my littles. Or in my latest yard... to offer me some privacy when I want to be naked in my hot tub.

I had one neighbor that was particularly resistant to the idea of a fence. I took it slow and marked the line well being sure to give a few inches as I always do and I turned the fence so that he has the pretty side. It came out so nice he eventually offered me a check for half of what I paid for "his" side and he maintains his side with the nice timber oil just like I do every summer.
post #31 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by enkmom View Post
When our neighbors put up their giant fence without telling anyone, it just screamed to the neighborhood "LEAVE US ALONE!", so we do. Now those same neighbors hate it here because no one is friendly (she told me this herself).
Leaving your neighbors alone (ignoring them?) and assuming ill intentions because they fenced their yard seems unneighborly too. How does that build community?
post #32 of 94
Just to be neighborly I would go tell them you plan to build a fence. Just say you want a protected area for your child to play. Let them know a surveyor will come out and you are getting or have a permit, etc. Growing up the neighbors would talk and then they both paid for half and put up wood "good neighbor" fences where half the fence faces one way and half faces the other way.
post #33 of 94
In my city there are very few homes that DON'T have fences so I doubt anybody would think someone was putting a fence up as a signal to keep people away. I might talk to the neighbors about it only in terms of giving them a heads up about potential noise, but not to ask for their blessing. If a neighbor put up a fence without mentioning it to me at all I wouldn't think anything of it and I certainly wouldn't take it as a slight against me. I'd just think to myself 'oh, they're building a fence...I hope it's a nice looking one' and that would be about it.
post #34 of 94
Limabean, we all made efforts to be friendly with them when they moved in. They were (barely) polite about our gestures, and then put up the big fence. We all got the hint.

The point I am trying to make is that it only takes a few minutes to clue people in to your intentions. A friendly visit to tell the neighbors you are building a fence seems an easy way to preserve harmony.
post #35 of 94
Interesting! I had to Re-Read your OP because I thought I wasn't reading that right. The neighbor's have a pool and have broken the fence that SURROUNDS the Pool- just so the kids can ride/walk through YOUR YARD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOLY MOLY! That's not very "Neighbor like" ya know? Subbing....
post #36 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by verde View Post
I'm curious about all the people who say just go ahead and put up a fence and don't bother with the neighbors. Do ya'll get along with your neighbors? Do you care if you get along with your neighbors? Putting up a fence is a definite statement and can be a very in-your-face action.

I'm surprised that so many people don't think it's something to inform your neighbors about. In the Do-Unto-Others way of thinking, just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you have to fling it in someone's face. I would definitely like to know ahead of time just out of consideration. Is neighborly consideration somehow considered old-fashioned and passe'? I've seen posts where people on MDC wonder why there's no sense of community and why they don't get to know their neighbors. Well, maybe it's a reflection of how you treat your neighbors.

I have a fence. DH and I talked to our neighbors about it and explained why and they understood and were all just fine with it. I think it was important in the dynamic of a neighborly relationship.
I can't figure out why a neighbor would care if someone put up a fence on their own property
post #37 of 94
Quote:
I can't figure out why a neighbor would care if someone put up a fence on their own property
It depends on the fence. If it's a 6 ft fence, then the neighbor is absolutely making a statement that they don't want to see their neighbors. I will reiterate, they have that RIGHT, it's just not very neighborly.

It comes down to your view of a neighborhood. If you see a neighborhood as a collection of individual homes who happen to be geographically next to each other but have no sense of community connection, then everyone having a tall fence which specifically prevents neighborly interaction is fine. If you see a neighborhood as a group of families having some type of community connection, then having someone throw up a tall fence with no warning can feel disruptive to the rest of the community.

It's possible to have fences and still have a sense of community -- it all depends on the type of fence and the intention. We have a split-rail fence that's lined with a type of mesh on the inside. It's 4 feet tall and see-through but it keeps in the dogs, chickens and children. We explained to our neighbors ahead of time and they were Ok with it. We can still chat over the fence and we often do. Our intention was not so much to keep the neighbors out but to keep wanderers in.
post #38 of 94
I guess I think that thinking a neighbor is making some big statement with a fence is reading way more into it than necessary. I think the statement a neighbor makes when putting up a fence is that they want a fence and trying to read more into it than that is. . .well, odd. But in the city I live in, people's homes are built like fortresses. We are one of the few houses on our block with a front garden visible from the street (for some reason my house, and the houses on either side)- and even our garden has a 6 foot tall iron fence. Most homes are walled all the way round and look like the house comes up to the side walk, but beyond the outer wall is a courtyard before you get to an actual house. The other three sides of the property have much higher than 6 feet concrete walls. This is different from when I lived in the states (in San Diego, where most front yards are either unfenced or have low picket style fences but back yards tend to have tall, 6 foot+ fences that can't be seen through), but it doesn't make me assume that the neighbors here are any less open and friendly than in other neighborhoods I've lived in. On the contrary, most of them seem to know each other well and are friendly to us despite the language barrier.
post #39 of 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by verde View Post
It depends on the fence. If it's a 6 ft fence, then the neighbor is absolutely making a statement that they don't want to see their neighbors. I will reiterate, they have that RIGHT, it's just not very neighborly.
The six foot privacy fence I want has nothing to do with a lack of neighborly feeling. I really enjoy the neighbors behind us and the ones on one side. Our kids can certainally still ride their bikes with the next door neighbors girl.

It just means that my dog whose on his third home as he jumps fences will stay in the yard. It means that my kitty corner neighbor who has issues with my kids and dogs and likes to call the city over any excuse about our yard won't have to look at it if it offends her. It means that I don't have to look at our other neighbor who goes shirtless all summer without a body that should be shirtless.

It means I have a million and one reason that I want the privacy and security of a fence. I don't feel I need to explain that in detail to every single neighbor. If you want the truth my neighbors know I have had past issues with the dog getting out. I don't think my fence is going to surprise anyone, ir honestly, is anyone else's business. I can enjoy my neighbors and be friendly without the world seeing my whole back yard.
post #40 of 94
Having a pool with a hole in the fence sends a message to your neighbors. "I don't care if your kids drown."

Hope the progress on getting your fence put in is going well!
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