Nutritional Goals: Help me have this talk with DH

[InMediasRes]

How do I do this without blaming or making him feel bad for his diet? He eats out almost every. single. day. at work. He doesn't bring a lot of junk into our house, but when he does, he totally binges until it's gone. I know he wants to make the changes, but he hasn't reached the mental point where he's ready.

We need to do something because DS (3yo) is turning into a total carb junkie. He is in the kitchen all day asking for snacks, and the snacks he wants are predominantly carbs. He is crashing all day long. I need DH's help to make the changes. I can't do it during the week only to have him disregard everything on the weekend. I don't think he would be doing it consciously, it's just hard for him to think differently about food. His family was all about convenience and fast food = special time in ILs family.

I need to make some changes for myself as well. How do you make changes as a family when one party isn't ready? How do I tell him what I need him to do without feeling like I'm pressuring him to make the changes himself if he's not ready? I have done the lifetime changes thing and no one can make you do it if you're not ready.

The specific changes I want to make, in case someone has some ideas for me:
1. Eat out less.
2. Eat better breakfasts (especially me, I don't like very many protein-y breakfast foods, but everything else only lasts me an hour or so).
3. Eat more and more variety of veggies in all our meals.
4. Use less sugar overall.
5. Eat more protein and fewer carbs, and hopefully, by extension, be eating fewer snacks and crashing all day.

[cristeen]

This is what worked for me.

1- eating out. Don't make this about nutrition. Make this about money. Add up how much he is spending each week eating out, and show him how much that can buy in groceries, or how many months electricity, or whatever new toy he wants, etc (whatever language will work for your guy). When I was working, I could easily spend $10/day on lunch or more. When I looked back at spending $200/mo on lunches, I was SHOCKED... $10 doesn't sound like much until you multiply it out. If you do this though, be prepared for him to ask you to pack lunches.

2-breakfast. Start cooking it for him. I got my guy in the habit of eating a protein heavy breakfast by making it for him. I'd make egg muffins or egg custards on the weekend and we'd eat that all week. He'd have so much energy. And then I'd switch to cereal for a couple weeks, and he'd start complaining about how he's wanting his lunch by 10, and he's dragging. Now he makes himself eggs and sausage for breakfast every morning, I just have to keep the ingredients in the house for him.

3- veggies. I joined a CSA. We get a veggie box delivered every Friday, whether we've finished eating the previous week's box or not. We were throwing veggies away every single week because they were going bad before we could eat them (I'd make sure to clean the fridge/throw the stuff away when he would see me do it). He hates wasting money, so he suggested we try harder at using up those veggies. Now if he gets a BIG pile of veg on his plate every night, he doesn't even blink. Some nights he might get 2 big piles of 2 different veg, and Friday nights are clean out the fridge night where we eat whatever is left from the previous week's box/shopping trip. I also make sure his lunches have at least 2 veggies in them every day. He can take as much fruit as he likes (he packs his fruit), but I put at least 2 veg in there (and he knows better than to not eat his lunch).

4- sugar & 5- carbs. These kinda go hand in hand. Tell him straight up what you're dealing with with your DS. Spell it out that if he eats X (crackers, cookies, etc.) at 10 am, he's back at 11 am asking for more, what behavioral issues you're dealing withe, etc. But, if he eats Y (eggs, cheese, etc.) at 10 am, he's good until lunch. You can also make it about YOU, what do you need to do to feel better yourself. My DH would never make these changes for himself, but if I want to make these changes for ME, he does everything in his power to support me in that, and that includes making the changes for himself. I've made it very clear to him over the years that I cannot withstand the pressure if it's in the house mocking me, so it just can't be in the house, period. And since he wants me to be healthy, he makes those sacrifices for my sake. And then he realizes that he's losing weight and he needs new pants, or his knees aren't bothering him as much, etc.

We also talk a lot about certain things like HFCS, soy, GMOs, etc. Whereas in the beginning he'd humor me, now it's habit for him. He does still eat junk sometimes, but it's not every day and he rarely brings it in the house.

HTH

[JMJ]

In my experience, DH didn't change his diet until he decided to do it all on his own. It has been an evolution over the past few years. He still eats a lot more junk food than I would like, but it's getting better. It's not like it used to be where an entire batch of cookies would disappear in an hour. His diet really has to be his own thing. I've shared what I'm doing, and we've worked out common meals (basically just dinner, even on weekends) that we eat together, and otherwise, we eat our own food, and I feed DD.

1. Eat out less. - I don't know how it is in your house, but in mine, eating out was a way to not have to cook. It helps us to always have easy-to-grab meals in the freezer. Then, we only have to cook 2-3 times a week, and we can have 4-5 "just don't feel like cooking" nights a week without a problem. The other thing that helped was for me to be honest about how eating out actually increases my stress level because I'm not able to eat as well as I want to, and I don't feel as well afterwards. I really would rather just eat my own food and know exactly what's in it. When we do eat out, I try to eat all (or close to all) foods made from real ingredients (not breaded, no sauces/dressings, etc.) and avoid children's menus like the plague!

2. Eat better breakfasts. - Eggs are a great tried and true breakfast, or consider adding your favorite meat. Even french toast will give you some protein. Top it with just a little raw honey. Yogurt can also add some protein.

3. Eat more and more variety of veggies in all our meals. - I think that this is mostly a decision made at the grocery store. Buy a variety of veggies. Steam them or saute them in good fat for a great snack or a side at lunch and dinner or a nice breakfast omlette. Some great ideas are carrots, broccoli, onions, any kind of greens, mushrooms, potatoes, squashes, tomatoes, peppers, beans, cauliflower, beets. Another thing that has helped me recently has been to make a soup of the week. One day a week, I usually make a big batch of soup that lasts all week. It provides a nice serving of veggies, and it's right there, so I can heat some up any time. Check out Nourishing Traditions or Peggy's Kitchen for some great soup recipes.

4. Use less sugar overall. - Get it out of the house. Learn how to bake with honey (including using less) or sweeten with fruit. It may be helpful to use good fats (grass-fed butter or ghee, coconut oil, olive oil, etc) to help replace some of the carbs in your diet. Try to eat as close to a 1:1 ratio of omega 3's to omega 6's. Most vegetable oils and conventionally raised animal products are almost all omega 6's, and that is why fat is a problem in our culture, not because all fat is bad. It will help you feel more satisfied and take the edge off some of the sugar cravings. For me, steamed veggies are a nice snack, but I still want something else. Vegetables sauteed in ghee are much more satisfying.

5. Eat more protein and fewer carbs, and hopefully, by extension, be eating fewer snacks and crashing all day. - I think that a lot of this starts with breakfast. Make sure it's big and full of good, healthy foods. Use vegetable soups, sauteed veggies, yogurt, cheese, and protein heavy trail mixes as snacks. Most of those can work when you're on the go too. Work on cutting out crackers/cookies, etc.

Hope that helps.

[Maine Mama Doula]

My DH will eat meals if I make them for him, whatever they are. All junk food is required to go up high and hidden where nobody knows it's even in the house. He doesn't eat it unless the kids are in bed. He is horrible about preparing meals for the kids, so I just do it. That's it. Eventually he'll come around.

If there's not junk in the house, kids can't eat it, but I have a very finicky eater (DS) so I know how you feel. I supply a lot of fruit for the carb cravings. It's sweet and provides the energy he needs. I go through a lot of apples because I put them where they can get them, but it's a small price to pay for their health! They also really enjoy watermelon, berries, and bananas (although we're moving away from bananas now). Veggies and dips are always a hit too. Toddlers just like to snack, snack, snack.

[InMediasRes]

Thanks for the replies, I have some good ideas. DH is very understanding and great at communicating, so this should go pretty well. Mostly I just want it to sound like I'm trying to change our family's eating habits and not his. I don't like being sneaky, but I feel like I need to do something to help him eat better. I may just all out tell him that this is really important to me to do this for him. He is pretty progressive, and he is worried about getting into an expectation of me making lunch or breakfast for him, so he generally won't let me.

I suppose I should have clarified that our family eats relatively well most of the time. I have been on a 4 years long journey of changing my eating habits and we just keep getting farther and farther apart. I'm worried that he's going to feel like the changes I want to make are way out in left field. After all, we do already eat tons of fruits and veggies and whole foods and grains. DH will eat anything I make, and I cook lots of good stuff for us at home. I have no control over what he does at work. It's part networking, part convenience, part comfort/stress relief for him to leave the office with co-workers to eat. I suggested bringing a packed lunch out to where everyone was eating (which I used to do when I worked), but that seems really weird to him.

With DS, he is not eating really junky stuff, just too many carbs. He doesn't like to eat breakfast, and like PP said, that seems to be most of the problem. If he doesn't eat a good breakfast, he is in the kitchen until lunch, then he doesn't want the lunch I made. Then he's hungry for more snacks at 4-5PM and doesn't eat his dinner. He wants crackers (whole wheat), bagels, bread (homemade), etc. We experimented today with just having leftover lunch for snack, and that worked okay. He whined a bit, but he's not really picky, so he ate it anyway. I really really really don't want to make food a battle for my kids. Can I make rules about eating leftover lunch for a snack instead of "snack food" if they don't eat their lunch? He eats lots of fruit and will eat cheese and such. I just need DH on board with not having any crackers/juice/cookies/pickles/olives in the house (as much as I love all those things in moderation) because, if DS knows they are there, that's all he'll want to eat.

I think we may experiment with making lunch our big meal instead of dinner. Anyone have success with that?

I need ideas for breakfasts for everyone and lunch for DH to take to work. I think he's pretty bored with sandwiches and dinner leftovers. I don't eat eggs or yogurt or oatmeal, so I have trouble getting enough protein in the morning for me. DS just doesn't want to eat anything until later in the morning.

Thanks for the input. I'm really just trying to rework things, not totally overhaul. Lots of things to think about.

[mamadelbosque]

My Dh is the same way... only hes just in school not work atm... We've just taken a pretty hard stance w/ ds1 lately. He was getting *really* bad - refusing to eat any meals whatso ever cause' he knew he'd get a snack in 10 mins if he asked. So we no longer allow snacking for 2+ hours before or after meals. That way he's actually hungry at dinner and he knows that theres not going to be a snack/something yummy immediatly. Right before bed, if hes complaining, he can have a piece of fruit or a cheese stick - but thats it. I'm not making another meal for him, he can eat w/ us or not, but hes not going to just get snacks 24/7.

[beep]

One thing that helps me with breakfast is that I've done away with the concept of "breakfast food". In my household, any food can be eaten at any meal. I find that dinner leftovers can make good breakfasts. Also, eggs and oatmeal make nice dinners.

[JamieCatheryn]

I started sending sausage and cheese and nuts with DH plus relatively healthy frozen dinners that include veggies and protein. He was bringing one frozen dinner, eating it, and getting very hungry while still working so he'd buy something on his break just about every day. If he has plenty there is no excuse. In November he had a big wake-up call about his health when his BP was measured to be 180/110, that month he only got food out 5 times. Ever since, he's gotten more expensive, marginally healthier fast food every day or 2 (thai, subway, mexican) and really broke the budget.

[InMediasRes]

Well, the talk went well. He says getting more exercise is more of a priority for him than eating better, so I told him I'd like to do what I can to help him with breakfast and lunch more, but that I would help support him if he wanted to work on exercise first. I'll take it.

DS is doing much better today. Moving our breakfast a little later, having a much smaller and more protein-y snack mid-morning, and having a little more variety at lunch seemed to help. He ate two pieces of turkey, some cheese, a pile of brussels sprouts, a glass of milk, grapes and red peppers. It helped taht we were at LLL this morning so he wasn't grazing all morning long. He's probably a boredom eater, just like his mama.

Thanks for the input, ladies. Baby steps, right?

[7thDaughter]

Wow. Great ideas here. Similar problem in my house, teen son has been conditioned to sweets & carbs, and Dad likes them too.

On the breakfast front, sometimes we make a large batch of breakfast burritos. Eggs and salsa & some veggies, with a small amount of fried potatoes, goes over well with the menfolks. We freeze some and keep some in the fridge for substantial snacks and breakfast for a couple of days. Of course they are best the first day when they are fresh, but my guys don't complain too much.

[JMJ]

Breakfast without eggs, yogurt or oatmeal... What about a milkshake with whole milk, nut butter on toast, even put sunflower or pumpkin seeds in your bread, nitrate free sausage or bacon or other meat, veggies dipped in hummus.

I can totally understand not wanting to take my own food to a restaurant. Most don't allow it. Even if you sent snacks like fruits, veggies, nuts, and cheese to work with him, it might make a difference. Caseroles make great work lunches (Throw in some rice, some meat, some veggies, and some seasoning) or leftovers from a dinner he likes.