Reactions to hearing you're expecting #4 or more? - Page 2

[4Blessings]

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Number 4 was hard for us too. Lots of comments about one of us needing to get "fixed". Also the question, "Was this one PLANNED?" was asked a number of times.

Hopefully your announcement will go well. If not, just let the comments go and have yourself a good laugh!

Congrats!!!

[butterflies]

Well- we cheated by jumping from 2 right to 4!

But we've actually always thought 4 would be a great number. Everyone thinks we're nuts for even thinking about #3, especially since we already had our one girl and one boy. We've gotten a few "I'm happy if you're happy" responses from family. I haven't told my boss or co-workers yet and in my field (scientist and aspiring professor at a university), 4 children is definitely going to make me an anomaly. Err.... I mean... a trailblazer!

I had to become a parent before I really learned to quit caring what other people think. One of the best lessons I've learned as a mom.

[annablue]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb

It bothers me that so many people can't comprehend that anyone would WANT to have more than one or two children. The assumption is that if you have more than that the younger ones must be "accidents" and that irritates me.

No kidding! It's so presumptious just to assume that nobody could possibly want more than two.

[3 little birds]

We've heard the snarky comments since #4 and just announced #6. Funnily, this time only my mother was rude to my face. Everyone else kept it behind our backs which is cool with me.

Now if someone says, "Don't you know what causes that?" we just say, "Yeah, we have gotten REALLY good at it" or something similar.

[zjande]

Yeah, my favorite come back for "don't you know what causes it" is "yeah, we're good at it."

And for "was this planned?" I love "it was planned by Someone!" ('course I guess that would only work if you believe in God... but it's so sweet. )

Not that anyone has ever said anything negative to me. I think I live in a bubble & keep myself surrounded by like minded people (& everyone else just talks about us behind our back). Thankfully our parents are supportive & know we want a zillion kids. Although my mom has said some really bizarre stuff, lol, at least none of it was actually rude. I do get "oh bless you!" often from strangers when they hear the # of kids we have. My brother did respond with "geeez, how many kids do you NEED??" when I told him about #4. I told my mom to tell him about #5. lol

And congratulations again!

[Phoebe]

Wow!
I thought I was going to be alone on this and that my family is particularly mean! My friends have all been very happy gor me znd supportive...thank goodness for that.

Thank you all for sharing. It helps.

[Adamsmama]

Originally Posted by VillageMom6

Haha! Number four was our tipping point, too, when folks just started to write us off as nuts.

It's like... you're "allowed" to have two children. Everyone wants their boy and their girl, don'tcha know?

Then a third? Well, everyone is entitled to one accident... or if your first two were the same sex, you're allowed to try one more time for the other sex.

But four?? Okay, you're doing this on purpose now!

Sharing your news should be on your terms when you feel ready. It doesn't have to be next month when you see your family in person.

You could tell one person (your mom, maybe?) and let her pass on the news. Then you only have to deal with the initial reaction of one person rather than a crowd.

You are under no obligation to announce your pregnancy face to face with anyone who won't respond happily.

Oh... and a big CONGRATULATIONS from me!!!

LOVE THIS! This is totally right on! We are having our 4th, too, and most people reacted positively ... only a few negative reactions ... much better than I thought. Maybe it is because our youngest is spaced out further than our others were (our 3rd and 4th will be 3.5 yrs apart). I think the positive reactions were mostly because when people would ask (when our 3rd was a baby) if we were done, I would always respond, "I don't know -- it depends on what God has planned for us" or something like that. That would always stop the comments right away.

[dannic]

We're on our fourth and haven't had any negative comments so far...but I did with my third...stupid stuff like, "oh, but you LIKE children". Um, yeah, I guess I do? I pity the children of those mothers, lol...

I agree that you are under no obligation to tell them when you go or at all if all you get is crap from them! IMO, rudeness doesn't deserve a response.

If they found out and called you on it, I'd say something like, "you've been so negative in the past about our personal decisions that we figured you wouldn't want to know/weren't entitled to a personal announcement."

[born2birth]

This is #5 for us - and I have only told 3 or 4 friends who I knew would be happy for us. I have no plans to tell anyone in my family for .... oh I don't know .... do I ever have to tell them? Would it be rude if I just showed up to Christmas dinner with another kid?

We've been getting comments since #2 ... and now our oldest will be only 5 when this one comes.

I love my big family & don't really think we'll be stopping any time soon ... so I don't really care if they want to be rude... but they don't need to know my business then.

[Ellen Griswold]

Not on #4, just #3, but my mother scolded me. Give me a break.

[annablue]

Originally Posted by born2birth

Would it be rude if I just showed up to Christmas dinner with another kid?

[Kellyh_01]

I know exactly how you feel. My father-in-law's response to my husband telling him the news was, "Geez, Joe. What the hell were you thinking!?!" Not exactly a warm welcome. My mom was the ONLY person happy for us to be expecting #4, then she died when I was almost 30 weeks pg.

It's difficult at times, but it's our life, not theirs. Honestly, I could care less what they think about it anymore. All of our children are a blessing to us, and I could not imagine our life without any one of them. I'm sad for my kids that they don't have my mom in their life. She was absolutely the best Grandma. But they are loved dearly by their parents and their aunts and uncles.