Thanks Violet, she does not know the volunteering irks me. I've never mentioned it, only cut back on the hours I was spending doing the same stuff as her. I didn't think it would be useful to anyone to bring it up and seem petty even if it has been something that's really bothered me. She told someone that she was doing it to fit in and meet new people which I understand, I just feel territorial since the kids are my full time job ( I run a small voice over business from home part time so I can stay home with them) and I take a lot of pride in being part of their education. Kind of felt like it was her or me but hopefully in the future I will feel differently and not so competitive.
Not all of us can be that mature, I hope you realise that this is the BEST venting ground EVER!!!! (although, sometimes just chuck in the header that your venting :P)
It so okay to be territorial! Just never forget, first and foremost, that you are their mom and that can never change. Steppie needs to adjust too. How would taking over a couple of coffee's and a bunch of flowers and letting it all hang out to her go? It could give her power, yes, but it could just make her feel safe enough to know that you want her to fit in, and you want things to be nice, but that you both need a little bit of 'you' time with the wee ones to remember how special your individual roles are...
Maybe not, but then, IM Just a big sap who feels that hanging it all out, even if its abused, makes me the more honest, trying, and bigger person if thats what it comes to.
GOOOOOOD LUCK! Thanks for keeping us updated! If youhave any more thoughts, please post them, because at the end of the day it can help us steppies to understand how it feels for the biomommy too =)