How to respond to 18 month old

[tnmom66]

Yesterday we were in the back yard and she was playing on her slide. I was sitting in the swing (big one) watching her. She stopped, came over to me and pushed me over. I scooted over, pleased that she wanted to share the swing with me. But she kept pushing and I realized that she wanted the whole thing to herself. THEN, after I moved to another seat, she ran off back to the slide. CLEARLY, she didn't want to sit in the swing, she just didn't want ME sitting there. She pulled a similar stunt a few weeks ago at the YMCA when another child was in "her" chair.

I'd love suggestions on how to handle this.

[lyra1977]

I'm sure it was annoying for you, but it's making me giggle to hear the story I heard recently (can't remember source) that toddlers go through a stage where they are very serious about possession. My DD is 19 months and she is doing this now, so perhaps your DD is doing the same. For example, DD constantly labels things not just "shoe" but "Dada shoe" and not just "nose" but "me nose" or "Mama nose." "Dada pillow" "Evie bed" "Mama hat" etc. and etc. and etc.

If I were you I'd put on a surprised expression and say "oh, is this your chair? I'm so sorry, may I sit here please?" and see how she responds.

My DD had her first tantrum at 17 months at a playdate where she couldn't handle any of the other kids being on HER slide. It wasn't hers, since we weren't home, so we just left and I talked to her about it when she had calmed down.

I'm a FTM so I'm not sure, but I suppose this stage might be the necessary first step toward learning to share.

[lisavark]

My daughter started the same thing at about the same age and still does it occasionally. At first I went along with it and obeyed her "orders". I actually stopped giving into it one day because we were at preschool and she was trying to push another mom out of a chair, and the mom looked at her and very politely said, "You want me to move, but I'm sitting here right now. You can sit here (in another chair) if you like." DD was upset but I thought it was awesome that the other mom was very polite with her but at the same time let her know that ordering everyone where to sit isn't really acceptable behavior. I started doing the same thing, and it works fine. She still does it occasionally, but it's definitely a lot less now. Although I think it's because she's grown out of it, not because of anything I did. Still, I think it's fine to let them know that everyone isn't going to cater to their whims in that regard, as long as you're gentle and polite about it.

However, if it really IS her chair (like one of her toddler chairs that goes with her table), then I always move. She has every right to order me not to sit in a chair that really does belong to her. When she's ordering me not to sit on MY favorite pappazan chair--sorry, tough patooties. I'm allowed to sit down too. Heck, I don't get to sit that often--I need to take it when I can!

ETA: Yes, I'm pretty sure this IS an important step toward learning to share, and toward empathy. Incidentally, my DD is GREAT at taking turns now (most of the time, anyway)--which is the next step toward sharing, I guess.

[tnmom66]

Originally Posted by lisavark

My daughter started the same thing at about the same age and still does it occasionally. At first I went along with it and obeyed her "orders". I actually stopped giving into it one day because we were at preschool and she was trying to push another mom out of a chair, and the mom looked at her and very politely said, "You want me to move, but I'm sitting here right now. You can sit here (in another chair) if you like." DD was upset but I thought it was awesome that the other mom was very polite with her but at the same time let her know that ordering everyone where to sit isn't really acceptable behavior.

Excellent response--expressing understanding and acknowledging the child while asserting her own right. The thing that annoyed me so much was that she didn't even WANT to SIT in the swing, she just didn't want ME in it. I think I should have welcomed her to share it with me, but stood my ground when it came to giving it up to acommodate her whim.