Cannot handle 18mo ds tantrums anymore!!!

[Rubber Ducky]

What do I do? He tantrums over every little thing!!! Usually when he can't have something, but today he threw a tantrum just because I said I'm going to go brush my teeth, and would he like to join me. Diversion, distraction, prevention, holding, not holding, talking, not talking, getting angry myself, holding my anger, ignoring, bringing him to another room, coaxing... I've tried it all and nothing works! He doesn't want me to hold him or even touch him. He pushes me away and screams. It's only after he's had a good long cry that he will allow me to approach him.

What do I do? Any of you experienced the same? Thanks for your input.

[lyra1977]

I've had the same issue with my 19mo DD and this really helped me understand what's going on: http://www.askmoxie.org/2009/03/qa-1...-tantrums.html

Hope that helps you too

[GoBecGo]

I let her cry, but stayed close enough that when she finally wanted me i was right there. Crying is ok, tantruming is a perfectly healthy way to express incredibly big emotions (if you're only 1). Heck, i'm 29 and i tantrum sometimes!

[Rubber Ducky]

Thanks for responding. That article is really good

[shanniesue2]

When DS throws those tantrums and nothing we offer helps calm him down or he doesn't want ANYTHING then we just give him some time and space to work it out. We'll stay in the same room with him and tell him that when he's ready he can ask us for help. And then we just let him tantrum. It usually only lasts a few minutes. And if it continues for a long time (last weekend he tantrummed for more than a 1/2 hour), we try a change in scenery (if possible) and put him in the car seat and go somewhere. That usually calms him down.

But what helps US to cope is to realize that his tantrums are completely normal and age appropriate. I have a degree in early childhood ed... so I've done a lot of study about child development. Understanding the developmental stages helps me to really get where DS is coming from and why he throws tantrums.

And also, we keep a sense of humor about it if we can. If we know why he's tantrumming, we can keep a certain perspective about it. For example, a couple weeks ago, he was trying to blow raspberries but couldn't get his lips to relax enough and he got REALLY upset. I'm talking tears and snot running down his face upset. He even ended up blowing a few snot bubbles during his fit. He kept saying "Try to do it! Try to do it!" While I empathized with him and told him I know how frustrating it can be not to be able to do something you want to do... in me head I kept thinking how silly it was for him to get so upset over something so small... and to be honest, I had to walk away for a minute so that I didn't laugh out loud about the whole thing. DH and I had a good laugh about it when I saw him that evening to tell him about it. Now I might get flamed for that, but really, if we got upset about all of his tantrums, we'd all be throwing tantrums all the time. I figure we can either be philosophical and allow ourselves to laugh about it or we can be miserable.

[indigosky]

We got the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD out of the library and put its techniques to use, and it totally transformed DD's tantrums. Granted, they hadn't been terrible, but she was definitely having them, and after we started using these techniques she would calm down easily in a few seconds. One time it happened to happen in front of a group of relatives, and they saw us calm her from freaking out to being fine in amazement -- they asked if we had done voodoo or something.

It's not as good as Happiest Baby on the Block, but it's an excellent additional tool to have in your toddler parenting toolbox.

[ellemenope]

We do everything we can to avoid tantrums.

My DD is 22 months old and hasn't thrown a tantrum yet. She is more prone to meltdowns, but we do anything to avoid those, too.

I have this theory that "muscle memory" is a factor in tantrums just as much as it is in your golf swing. I don't want my DD to perfect that switch from cheerful to tearful! So, I don't let her practice. Not anywhere. Not anytime. I treat her like we are at a 'white linen/maitre d' restraunt everywhere we go. Even at home.

That doesn't mean I give into her every whim, although, it really might look like that to outsiders. (And, that doesn't mean I don't have my own little tricks to get out of Pottery Barn Kids without her realizing it. ) I am constantly looking for oppourtunities to see how far I can push her. These are times when she is well rested and full. I am always reminding my husband that when she is hungry or tired, it is not the time to teach a lesson. These lessons could be in self-restraint or patience. But, before the waterworks begin I give in. Not after!

I think she trusts me so much that when I tell her, "No, baby I cannot throw you into the Water Basin. I am not allowed, and you will sink," she accepts this. She understands that if I could I would.

So, you can't beat tantrums. Avoid them! Well, IMO it is much easier to just avoid them, anyway.