Maybe I didn't handle this well...

[camelfam]

My daughter (3 1/2) always reads a book while she is going potty. When she was done I walked in and the book (which is one of those open the tab books) was in pieces on the floor, completely ripped apart. She knows that she is to treat her books with respect and we haven't had an issue with it in a very long time. I thought knew better. In the past I always said if she couldn't treat her possessions with respect she would lose them. Well, today I followed through. I had her pick up the pieces of the book she tore apart and then sat her on the couch and proceeded to bag up all of her books. Phew! There are over 12 bags and these are just the downstairs book. Now I'm wondering what exactly I was thinking. Where am I going to put all these books...am I really going to take away her books of all things...should I just forget it...should I follow through...if so for how long? My intention was never to take them away for good, just for awhile is what I told her. I just kind of snapped when I saw her do something that I thought we were way beyond and wanted to make an impression. I'm not sure that I handled this very well. Advice on what to do next???

[madskye]

Why don't you take the bag back out after lunch and ask her if she thinks she can treat them respectfully now? Tell her that it's important that she not destroy them, and if she understands that, she can have them back, otherwise you will read them together for a while.

[KatWrangler]

Oh man, I have so wanted to do that. I can completely understand your feelings.

I like the idea of waiting till after lunch and have a chat with her.

[healthy momma]

Just a quick thought...did you ask her why she ripped the book? It might be a good idea to try to figure out what was going on in her head and address the need or issue that she has.

[camelfam]

Originally Posted by madskye

Why don't you take the bag back out after lunch and ask her if she thinks she can treat them respectfully now? Tell her that it's important that she not destroy them, and if she understands that, she can have them back, otherwise you will read them together for a while.

Great idea!

[camelfam]

Originally Posted by healthy momma

Just a quick thought...did you ask her why she ripped the book? It might be a good idea to try to figure out what was going on in her head and address the need or issue that she has.

I did ask her, but couldn't really get an answer out of her. I just assumed that she did it just because she wanted to (she used to have a real thing about ripping things apart but we really worked on it and she hasn't done it in a looong time.) When I got the real answer out of her it made perfect sense. I was talking to my husband about it and he said that yesterday she was getting frustrated with that book because she was having trouble opening the flaps (she does struggle with fine motor skills). I asked if she was frustrated with the book and she said she was and ripped it because it was stuck. It was probably an accident the first time and she started ripping the others for similar reasons. I told her if she gets frustrated with a book or a toy again, to please call for mommy's help.

[LynnS6]

I agree with giving them back after lunch.

Sometimes we overreact. It's OK to admit this. "You know, I was really mad when I saw the book. I don't think it was a great idea for me to take away all the books. We're going to try again. If this is a problem again, then we'll have to read books together and you can't have one in the bathroom."

Be careful about making sweeping statements or threats. You may just have to follow through!

It reminds me of a time when ds was about 4-5 and he was supposed to be cleaning up his toys. He had stopped to play with some awful awful McDonald's toy that made these awful awful sounds. It drove me up the wall on a good day and this was not a good day. I asked him once to put the toy away and begin cleaning. He didn't. So, I yelled "If you don't put that toy away, I'm going to come over and stomp it into pieces!" Ds' response? "What if that doesn't work?" Warming to my theme, I said "I'll take it outside and put it under the tires of the car and run over it!" "Oh."

Not one of my stellar moments in parenting. When ds came down later and asked "Did you parents do that to your toys when you were little?" I had to admit that no, they didn't and I'd thought this up all on my own. I then admitted that I wouldn't actually do this, that I was just angry and saying things I didn't mean. I apologized and we moved on. (And several months later those evil toys went to Goodwill.)

[lisavark]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

So, I yelled "If you don't put that toy away, I'm going to come over and stomp it into pieces!" Ds' response? "What if that doesn't work?" Warming to my theme, I said "I'll take it outside and put it under the tires of the car and run over it!" "Oh."

We definitely have some toys I want to do that to...!

[~Amy~]

I would slowly give the books back & probably also not allow her to read books alone on the potty for a while until she could show me she could be trusted with her books again.

[dahlialia]

I think I'd try some redirection in case it was more about the tearing than the books. Books aren't for tearing, but tissue paper is. Let's tear up some paper and glue into pictures.