Tantrums about Clothing

[physmom]

Sorry, I know there are a few other tantrum threads going right now but this questions is sort of specific.

Lately, DD has been having some really nasty tantrums about clothing. We give her a lot of choice and for the most part let her pick out what she wants to wear (as long as it's weather appropriate). But the other day she had to wear a jacket. We gave her a bunch of choices and no matter what we tried she flipped out until we took the jacket off. Finally, since we really did need to go somewhere we took her outside without a jacket and put it on after a few minutes so she could be cold first (she fussed some but we strapped her on my back immediately afterwards and she saw some taxis go by, so we thankfully were able to avoid another one). But within the past few days there's been a lot of cloth tantrums either because she wanted to wear a specific item that was dirty or didn't want to wear something she needed (even when many options were provided). She's 16 months and pretty verbal for her age so it's not like it's a communication issue. We KNOW what she wants but she just can't have it...

Oh, and these have been instances where she was well-fed, not tired, etc...

Is there anything we can do or just grit and bare it?

[~Amy~]

Are you maybe offering too much choice? I know my DS (25 months) can't really handle choosing between more than 2 or maybe 3 choices. It's just too overwhelming for him. What about laying out 2 entire outfits at night after she goes to bed and that's what she picks from? And definitely don't engage her in a power struggle. If she can't pick in a reasonable amount of time, you pick & get her dressed. A very wise mom I know once said, "the minute you start arguing with a toddler, you've already lost"...truer words were never spoken...LOL Good luck...it's a rough age.

[mama2peyton]

hi.

Edited by mama2peyton - 11/10/10 at 9:59am

[pacificbliss]

We have DS put dirty clothes in the laundry himself as soon as he takes them off. If he asks to wear something that is dirty we remind him he put it in the hamper. That helps. Then, as long as it's weather appropriate we let him wear what he wants. He has worn some crazy outfits.

[butterfly_mommy]

It is about having control. You can decide that you are not going to fight with her about clothing. I heard a great quote once "A sweater is something you put on when your mom is cold"

If my DS doesn't want to put on his jacket I say ok and I just bring it with me. He will put it on if he is cold. Same with mittens, hats etc. I usually only give him two choices between clothing "Do you want to wear your grey pants or your black pants?" If I am going to but any kind of restrictions on clothes. Or I just let him pick-out whatever he wants. (Make sure only weather appropriate clothing is out - make sure shorts and t-shirts are put away during the winter) He picks out what shoes he wants to wear,even if it is rain boots with shorts on a hot sunny day (I may throw a pair of runners in my bag in this case)

I find that if I give him lots of say and control over his clothes he will be less stubborn when I want him to put on a jacket or rain coat etc. The truth is it is his body and he should have input into how much clothing he wants to wear. He is generally warmer then me so he often is too warm for a jacket but only he can know that.

[lunarlady]

I let my DD go out without a coat in the middle of winter several times. It only took a few moments before she was running to me to have her coat put on. Natural consequence and all that. Otherwise, I pretty much let her wear what she wants. Yes, some days she looks crazy. Yesterday it was hot pink tights and a red t-shirt with dinosaurs on it, combined with her jelly sandles. Then agian, I work with middle school kids so I'm already resigned to the idea that youth fashion and adult fashion rarely align.

[LCBMAX]

Originally Posted by lunarlady

I let my DD go out without a coat in the middle of winter several times. It only took a few moments before she was running to me to have her coat put on. Natural consequence and all that.

that's what i do too, and it's a regular occurrence to get semi naked in the car and dress at the destination.

[ellemenope]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

that's what i do too, and it's a regular occurrence to get semi naked in the car and dress at the destination.

That is awesome. This is not an issue for us...yet.

ETA: If your DD wants to wear something you would rather not have her wear, try telling her that >insert favorite doll or teddy< really wants to wear that today.

Or, if she doesn't want to wear a jacket, put one on her doll.

Let me know how that goes. sup

[blackbird2]

Sometimes just coming back to it a few minutes later helps. Or (again after a short break) just walking up with a shirt/jacket/pants/etc and gently initiating dressing without asking questions about it.

[physmom]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions so far!

So, I think part of the problem is a change in routine. When we had to transfer from winter to summer clothes she got really upset when she wasn't wearing 30 layers every day and would want to wear her same winter clothes even though they weren't needed. We've had a few cold days here (after lots of shorts and t-shirt weather) and that was where the jacket issue came up. I think she didn't think it was needed because it was outside of the routine (does that make sense?).

We try and give her a lot of freedom with clothing. She pretty much wears what she wants when she wants even if it doesn't match. But we do have some rules (like not letting her wear socks around the apt because we have slippery hard wood floors) and she'll freak out because she LOVES socks (do they have something like slippers for toddlers? maybe that would be a solution...). She's the type of kid who really likes a uniform and would probably be happy wearing the same thing every day. She gets it honestly since DH is totally the same way... Oh, and if she has to wear a particular item (like a coat) we try and give her about 2-3 options.

Yeah, we basically ended up having to do the coat thing you guys suggested. Part of the problem is, though, that this kid loves being cold! She would actually get really excited in the winter when the wind was blowing in her face!!


Oh, and we do the doll thing. Like make her dolls wear jackets to show her that she needs to wear one too. She tends to freak out when her doll gets the jacket put on and rips it off and screams.

[mama2peyton]

Originally Posted by physmom

But we do have some rules (like not letting her wear socks around the apt because we have slippery hard wood floors) and she'll freak out because she LOVES socks (do they have something like slippers for toddlers? maybe that would be a solution...).

hi

Edited by mama2peyton - 11/10/10 at 9:57am

[physmom]

Originally Posted by mama2peyton

What about some of the socks that have the rubber grippy things on the bottom? We found some toddler sized slippers for DD at Target last winter, don't know if they would still have a good selection since it's warming up though.

We have some but DH is SUPER paranoid about socks. long story... just something that's been discussed to death and not worth fighting over, you know?

[butterfly_mommy]

We use Padraig slippers at our house. We have wood, laminate and vinyl floors and DS is currently on his 3rd pair and has been wearing them from 7 mons on.

[ASusan]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

that's what i do too, and it's a regular occurrence to get semi naked in the car and dress at the destination.

This morning, DS was running around the house in underwear and refusing to come get dressed.
DH: "You need to come get dressed now. We are leaving and we'll leave you here."
Me: "Don't threaten what you can't follow through on."
DH: "I'm just telling him what the program is."
DS runs past.
Me: "DS, come get dressed, or you'll go in the car in your underwear."
DH: "He can't get in the car without getting dressed."

?? But you'll go to work and leave him at the house alone? head

Originally Posted by pacificbliss

We have DS put dirty clothes in the laundry himself as soon as he takes them off.

This is our practice. Out of site has always meant out of mind here.

Originally Posted by ~Amy~

Are you maybe offering too much choice? I know my DS (25 months) can't really handle choosing between more than 2 or maybe 3 choices.

This is what I thought when I first read it. We don't even give choices for clothing, but it may also be a gendered thing. My friends with daughters (younger than DS even) all report that their girls have to have some say in what they wear. DS will just wear what we put on him. (unless he's streaking around in underwear, which is unusual for him)

Originally Posted by blackbird2

Sometimes just coming back to it a few minutes later helps. Or (again after a short break) just walking up with a shirt/jacket/pants/etc and gently initiating dressing without asking questions about it.

We do this a LOT. Hence the streaking around. If DS isn't ready to let me dress him, I leave him and go pack his lunch or something.

Originally Posted by physmom

So, I think part of the problem is a change in routine. When we had to transfer from winter to summer clothes she got really upset when she wasn't wearing 30 layers every day and would want to wear her same winter clothes even though they weren't needed. We've had a few cold days here (after lots of shorts and t-shirt weather) and that was where the jacket issue came up. I think she didn't think it was needed because it was outside of the routine (does that make sense?).

It makes a lot of sense. Even DH has problems making the switch to warm weather clothing for DS. When I do the daycare pick-up, DS is sometimes sweating in track pants and a long sleeved shirt while the other children are racing around in shorts and sandals.

[tracyjean1016]

We have been having the same issues, so I feel your pain! Something that I found works (sometimes) is if I get him dressed on the front porch. Maybe it's the change of scenery or the colder air that distracts him, I don't know. Anyway, it works about 80% of the time. The other 20% I just either give up or wrestle the clothes on him in great protest (I hate to do it but sometimes you just have to go places, ya know?)

[Zimbah]

I have to say, it hadn't even crossed my mind to let DD (18mo) choose what she's wearing. I try to put out an outfit the night before, or get something out when she's not looking at what I'm doing. Either way, it's one outfit. Sometimes she likes to put it on herself with some help, sometimes she doesn't and I leave it for a bit then try again. Sometimes I just put it on despite her protestations . She normally gets over her upset very quickly. I guess as she gets older I will start letting her choose what to wear, but if I gave her a free choice she would often end up wearing either nothing, or five t-shirts one on top of another. And she does get cold - I'm not convinced that at 18mo she can make the jump from "I'm cold" to "if I let mummy put on this cardigan I'll be warmer", but maybe I'm underestimating cognitive ability at that age?