New here, need cosleeping advice

[amyvg113]

Hello everyone! Thrilled to have found this forum as my husband and I are faced with the unexpected and extremely fulfilling need to cosleep with our newborn.

Our baby girl is 6 days old - we're still learning the ropes with her of course. We had prepared a separate nursery for her, but when a friend gave us a bassinet we thought we would let her sleep in our room to facilitate easier breastfeeding. We started out by rolling the bassinet right up to the side of our bed, but none of us got much sleep because she was constantly waking.

The other night I brought her into bed to nurse her. We set her up on a pillow between us and swaddled her. After nursing we all dozed off and didn't wake up for 5 hours! Even then we had to coax her out of sleep so I could feed her.

Since then we've found that we get a lot more sleep with her in bed with us. I had considered getting a sidecar cosleeper or one of the cosleepers that fit between us, but the main thing with our little girl is that she sleeps best when she is in contact with one of us - getting our body heat. Once we separate from her she's up and fussy.

So now we're trying to figure out how to facilitate this in the safest way possible. We don't really feel like there's a problem with her sleeping between us - we have a small yorkie who has been sleeping between us for 7 years now, and we're very well aware of her and have never had problems with rollovers. If we swaddle her so that she can't roll over and make sure that she is sleeping on her back, does it sound like we're taking enough preventative measures?

Thanks for any advice you can provide - we absolutely love this sleeping arrangement and hope we can make it work.

[OdinsMommy0409]

You might find this link from Jay Gordon helpful regarding safe co-sleeping.

Personally, we family-bed as well. When DS was younger, he slept between me and a mesh bed rail (like you would put on a twin bed for a toddler). DH is a deep sleeper so he could not sleep near DH.

We also made our bed larger a couple months ago by pushing a twin xl flush with our queen mattress. DH sleeps on the twin while DS and I sleep on the queen. It makes it far more comfortable for all of us, and we have no worries about DH and DS.

[Katie T]

keep pillows,blankets and the dog away from her face as well. We have a little dog who sleeps with us, but he does it at the babies feet so it has never been a issue.

http://www.parenting.com/article/Bab...-a-SIDS-Danger

This is a good place to start, safely done it is safer than them sleeping in a crib IMO. Google Dr. Sears and cosleeping and he has lots of great info.

Congrats on your new baby and welcome to Mothering!

[akind1]

re: the swaddling and rolling over - once your LO *can* roll over, IME they will do it swaddled or not. I also figure by the time they do this, they can sleep however they want - belly or back.

also, some babies sleep better on their tummies. i think the main thing is to make sure her head is to the side, and not smushed into the mattress.

the links above are great! I was very pro-co-sleeping, and I think DH was skeptical at first, but now he wouldn't have it any other way! DS's nursery is mostly just used for his clothes and stuff. Also we do have an arm's reach co-sleeper, and we love it, but a sidecarred crib will work as well. Eventually you and your DH may want your own space, at least for part of the night. I am finding, to my dissappointment, that sometimes DS goes to sleep better in his own space (the co sleeper or a big enough part of the bed where he can stretch out - think this is a spring/summer warmth thing)

GL, and congrats on you LO!

[VeezieTG]

op, i think that co-sleeping with your newborn is spectacular! we co-sleep with all the boys in a great big ol' king size. i would avoid letting her sleep on the pillow tho. like a pp said, blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, or real ones should be avoided... at least until their several months old.

studies are showing more and more that co-sleeping deaths are closer related to formula fed babies than breastfeeding ones, so count yourself safe, as long as you follow some really simple co-sleeping safety guidelines.

[karika]

I know it has already been said, but I also say no pillows or blankets. A firm mattress with a tight fitting sheet (I have a mattress someone gave me and it has spots where I could feel the springs, but i waited until baby was older to put my foam cover on). A sheet for you pulled only to your waist. I also do not dress my babies to sleep or put a blanket on them at all. We do EC so naked is easiest. I recommend dh sleep under his own sheet and have the baby far enough away from him, or sleep separately until baby can roll over. IMO men do not have baby radar. It will develop, but in the beginning I recommend keeping your body between them. My girls both slept on top of me. On my chest. I slept flat on my back with no shirt on. I did use a toddler pillow which was only about 5 inches long by 4 inches by 1 inch after I made sure my baby radar was still working with the new one (waking every few minutes lightly and opening my eye to look at her). Under my head. No one else in the bed but baby and me. If the baby was not actively on me, I put her up high on the bed. I had my mattress on the floor prior to her birth, but you don't need to worry about that until the baby is mobile. I did make sure I had it against a wall on two sides. I made sure there was always physical contact between us because that is what allows the mommy intuition. Cosleeping is the best, but modern beds were not a part of the ancient ways, so we have to make adjustments for safety.

[treehugz]

I had a lot of criticism when dd was little about bedsharing and I was super-paranoid about suffocation and sids, so I read everything I could find about safe cosleeping and tried to follow the guidelines to a T. Here are a few more links:
Dr. Sears' Guidelines
Dr. McKenna's Guidelines
Attachment Parenting International Guidelines for Safe Sleep

The biggest things to avoid are obviously cosleeping after drinking, smoking, using drugs, getting less than 4 hours sleep the night before, when obese, when baby is premature, with anyone other than parents, or on a couch/chair. There's some discrepancy in the guidelines whether it's okay to sleep next to dad (or only mom), whether to push mattresses against the wall or not, and how much blanket/pillows are allowed.

Our setup was to put baby's crib mattress on the floor against a corner wall, with our full mattress next to it (on the floor, no box spring). We shoved towels between the mattresses and between crib mattress and wall to tightly fill the gaps and then put heavy furniture against the full mattress on the opposite side to keep the mattresses from shifting so no gaps could be created. We put blankets under the crib mattress to make the matresses the same height. We sleep with baby closest to the wall on the crib mattress, then me, then dh. I bought a pillow for side-sleeping that you turn vertically, so side-sleeping is comfortable and there is none of my pillow above baby's head (Core D Pillow). DD wears sleep sacks and/or warm pjs if needed and gets no blanket/pillow/toy/etc. I use one light blanket that only gets pulled up to my waist... I wear warm, snug fitting shirts when it's cold (my favorite combo for warm breastfeeding has been a thermal turtle neck that zips down below my breasts, topped with a snug thin fleece hoodie that is short and i can pull up above a breast). DH has separate blankets. Our snuggle kitty was content between me and dh and would not go near the crib mattress (or near the baby at all when she was a newborn, lol). If I didn't get enough sleep the night before (a rarity, thank goodness), then I asked dh or my mom to watch dd so I could get a nap in during the day. I have sorta long hair that I braid and pull up at night. I think that covers it!

[Lyra10]

Originally Posted by treehugz

I had a lot of criticism when dd was little about bedsharing and I was super-paranoid about suffocation and sids, so I read everything I could find about safe cosleeping and tried to follow the guidelines to a T. Here are a few more links:
Dr. Sears' Guidelines
Dr. McKenna's Guidelines
Attachment Parenting International Guidelines for Safe Sleep

The biggest things to avoid are obviously cosleeping after drinking, smoking, using drugs, getting less than 4 hours sleep the night before, when obese, when baby is premature, with anyone other than parents, or on a couch/chair. There's some discrepancy in the guidelines whether it's okay to sleep next to dad (or only mom), whether to push mattresses against the wall or not, and how much blanket/pillows are allowed.

Our setup was to put baby's crib mattress on the floor against a corner wall, with our full mattress next to it (on the floor, no box spring). We shoved towels between the mattresses and between crib mattress and wall to tightly fill the gaps and then put heavy furniture against the full mattress on the opposite side to keep the mattresses from shifting so no gaps could be created. We put blankets under the crib mattress to make the matresses the same height. We sleep with baby closest to the wall on the crib mattress, then me, then dh. I bought a pillow for side-sleeping that you turn vertically, so side-sleeping is comfortable and there is none of my pillow above baby's head (Core D Pillow). DD wears sleep sacks and/or warm pjs if needed and gets no blanket/pillow/toy/etc. I use one light blanket that only gets pulled up to my waist... I wear warm, snug fitting shirts when it's cold (my favorite combo for warm breastfeeding has been a thermal turtle neck that zips down below my breasts, topped with a snug thin fleece hoodie that is short and i can pull up above a breast). DH has separate blankets. Our snuggle kitty was content between me and dh and would not go near the crib mattress (or near the baby at all when she was a newborn, lol). If I didn't get enough sleep the night before (a rarity, thank goodness), then I asked dh or my mom to watch dd so I could get a nap in during the day. I have sorta long hair that I braid and pull up at night. I think that covers it!

Obesity is a big factor in this situation. Especially if both parents are obese.

[akind1]

I think it is more an issue of some health factors that are common in obesity: like sleep apnea. FWIW, sleep apnea is not a condition limited to the obese either. (we had another thread going about whether co-sleeping with an obese person would be ok, or if one would). by textbook BMI definition, both DH and I are obese, and neither of us have any sleep issues, such as apnea, that might otherwise interfere with co-sleeping.

For us, we have found what works best is the co-sleeper for most of the night, and we bed share the last couple hours, with limited blankets and pillows, none of which are near DS. We had to experiment with a couple different things, and found what works best for us. I think that is true for everyone.