Need some positive vibes

[Phoenix~Mama]

I leave to go to the lawyer in an hour... please send some positive vibes my way. I really need to hear some good news that will help empower me through this time right now. I'm so scared how I'm going to make it and need some good solid answers today.

Thanks everyone. I'll update soon.

[Super~Single~Mama]

You're going to be just great! This is such a big step!! Good for you!!

and Everything will work out - I know its scary, but you will make it happen!

[Theia]

You can do this! I'm so happy for you.

[lolar2]

Congratulations and good luck!

[Freedom~Mama]

Good luck sweetie. You can do this. I am so proud of you.

[violet_]

How did it go?

[MsChatsAlot]

I hope things went well.

[Phoenix~Mama]

It was just a consultation... and I really didn't find anything new out. It was confirmed that supervised visits would be really hard to get as well as no overnights until a certain age because usually they just start it right away. I can't imagine a newborn going for overnights?! And I was told that generally the courts will push for mediation to come to agreements on what is best for the child, so if he wanted to fight against me, it could be really drawn out.

So now I guess I pray that he will be reasonable and realize he doesn't want that much time anyway. Generally he is lazy.

I've been gone since Sunday and he just texted last night to come see DD. I let him come over while my parents were home and he was okay most of the visit. Some of it he did watch TV and he took a phone call. But then at the end he did play with DD.

He said he took off of work last night but he never once asked about taking DD for the morning like he was doing, so DD has been in full time daycare all this week.

He also didn't ask about setting up a time to see her again and didn't ask if I planned on coming home at all.

I'm sure he is loving life at the moment getting to sleep whenever he wants and not have to worry about watching DD.

[meemee]

JSMa did i miss something (finals here so i could have). so did you just do it?

move out?

CONGRATULATIONS on the HUUUUUUUUUUGE step you have taken. to even get a consultation.

honestly if he is being how he is now i cant imagine him willing to take a newborn overnight, no matter what the courts say.

keep your chin up and we will all be there for you. we are all rooting for ya

[Phoenix~Mama]

Well, semi moved out. lol I packed a bag and DD and I have been staying at my parents.

The rest of the logistics of real moving has yet to be determined. But for the time being we are okay and not at home with STBX.

[MissLotus]

This is good! And hey, if he's not watching your daughter in the mornings, grab onto it and make it the precedent; I think full-time daycare is way better than his childcare, from what you've described in the past.

Some lawyers are more pro-active about helping you to achieve your goals; others just parrot what local standards are. Yes, it's definitely good to know what the courts in your area tend to hand out, but that doesn't mean it will happen in your case. I consulted with several lawyers before I found the one I felt would best represent what I wanted (which were more concerns about visitation than money). Just like you try to find the right doctor, the right lawyer is very important, too.

Your stbx may come to realize that a long, drawn-out process isn't good. What I would do is have a full agreement ready before you present it to him; I would not start from scratch, sitting at a table with him. As controlling as my ex was, at the end of the day he is also lazy about stuff like that, and found it was easier to make threats than to take care of all the endless details. Your stbx may want a few things changed, but if you make it nice and easy for him to sign, freedom will hopefully be closer than you think! For visitation for the newborn, you might want to come up with some minimal suggestion (with you present) and it could say something like increased visitation will be introduced gradually.... if your lawyer can work something in about it being at your discretion, or about you having final say if you and stbx come to an impasse, so much the better. This is why a clever lawyer is good. Remember, it might not even get to court. Good luck!

[Phoenix~Mama]

MissLotus... yup... his general laziness is pretty much what I am banking on too, and I think I'm going to go the route of writing up everything that I want and take it from there. I was also thinking of him only seeing newborn in my prescence and working up from that.

He ended up being lazy about things he had wanted to fight for with DSD... and has usually taken the route of not fighting about things... sometimes he makes threats to DSD's Mom, but I've never seen him follow through on anything. So, maybe I will get lucky and he will treat me the same.

[Halfasianmomma]

JSMa...My STBX is also excessively lazy but he LOVES to argue and rant and rave about this rights and what he's not getting.

I did draft a very long and comprehensive custody and visitation proposal, writing everything down...from holidays, to lateness, to sickness provisions, to alcohol and drug intake, to forbidden speaking ill of the other parent, to transportation, etc etc. I was to present to STBX in front of our mediator, but he demanded to see it first, so he could "modify it". Apparently, my proposal insulted him to the point where he refused to even go to mediation. He made threats and argued, and was a general pain...I just kept up with a regular visitation schedule, documented everything and ignored his rants.

I then hired a lawyer, served him with proceedings, went to court and obtained custody of my DD by default.

Like your H, my STBX also had children (3) from previous relationships, and he failed to appear in court for his 3rd child. He made all sorts of threats to the mother, but in the end, he was too lazy to fight for custody.

I hope that things turn out in your favour like it seems to have for me.

[Caneel]

Your Oh Crap post caught my eye, I don't visit this forum but I had to cheer you on for moving forward. Great for you! Hang in there!