Question for divorced Mamas...

[Freedom~Mama]

For those of you that have been divorced for a long time (like years) about how long did it take you to really move on from the pain, denial, confusion etc. surrounding the end of your marriage, your divorce, your ex partner etc? It has been over 3 months since my Ex and I have separated and our divorce was finalized 2 weeks ago and I am still going through a lot. Sometimes I feel like I miss certain aspects of him and our marriage and I think overall I am still just processing the fact that after almost a decade I am not only single but divorced and have 2 kids that are now almost totally in my care. It is a big adjustment. Ex wasn't all that involved but he was much more involved than he is now. I know there isn't a magic time when things just are fine and it is more of a gradual process but realistically how long until I feel normal again and fully adjusted to my new life? A year, two years? Right now it feels like an eternity.

[NolaRiordan]

I'm sure this is really different for different people. My therapist says it generally takes 3 years to really get over anything major like a divorce or a death. It's been a year and a half for me. I feel like I'm on my way but not there yet. And it comes in waves-- I'll be doing fine and then something reminds me of the good years we had together and I feel miserable all over again. I think you need to feel the feelings. Don't rush it. This is a huge change, and you need to take time to deal with all the feelings.

I took a class called "Coping with Divorce" last Fall and found it really helpful for dealing with the emotions as well as the logistics. There were different speakers who talked about grieving, negotiating with your X, helping your kids cope, forgiveness, dating, etc. And there was a small group discussion session. I found it really valuable for thinking about things in different ways and dealing with the grief and anger.

[justmama]

Wellllllllllll. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .it's been 2 1/2 years since we separated. . . . . . . .and we still aren't divorced. . . . . . . . . . . .and I'm not even CLOSE to over it. SOOOOOOOOO, I think it may be a while for me. Sucks. Hard. I didn't want this divorce. I still don't. And it's not gotten much easier in 2 1/2 years.





Sorry, wish I could have given you better.

[2xy]

I've been divorced for 5 years. My ex left for another woman, lied to me, and lied to our kids. We lived in military quarters at the time. He moved out immediately, but the kids and I had to move out, too....which we did a couple of months later. He immediately brought his new girlfriend and her child into that unit and they all lived there together until he transferred several months later.

He has never been a doting or very involved father, but he's gotten really bad with just not acknowledging the boys at all. Nothing for Christmas or birthdays for the past two years; not even a phone call. He hasn't called them since October (he lives in another state).

Anyway....my point is that the hurt of the infidelity and divorce was intense for a short while (I'd say I was a mess for about six months), but he continues to do things that give me pain and anger because he's messing with MY CHILDREN! But they ask about him less and less often, which is sad but a blessing at the same time.

YMMV. I've been told that I'm a resilient person. Others might have more trouble bouncing back. Or maybe I got over him quickly because I met DH and realized what I'd been missing for all those years.