Can I dump my neighbors ??

[mommyoftwo]

We have had issues with our neighbors and their children for a few years. My nine year old dd plays with the two girls and I have had it with them all. I know that it sounds horrible but there have been more incidences than I can post and I just don't want my kids playing with them any longer.

They are allowed exposure to media that I would never let my kids see and I am pretty darn liberal (games for Mature audiences only) and then they give my kids very detailed descriptions. The kids are Add and ODD and the mom has no disciplining skills at all except for threatening to beat them. The younger girl (five) has physically hurt my kids more than one. But still I let them play together.

CPS has been involved with the family several times for neglect issues so I felt like we were a safe place for the girls but recently I just don't feel like I can be that to them and still protect my own kids.

The father was recently arrested for physical abuse directed towards the older daughter and mom. When the cops showed up, they took an arsenal out of the house. But still I let me kids play with them because I am trying to be a good neighbor and these kids need a good role model. Thank goodness, my kids have never been allowed to play inside.

So last straw, the older girl gets off of the bus today hitting my son and accusing him of "touching her" in the "wee wee". My son has no idea what she is talking about and my daughter says that she is lying and nothing at all happened. We have suspected that the little girl has been sexually abused as well as physically and emotionally abused.

I feel horribly for them, really I do, but I have to start really protecting my own children here even if it hurts their feelings.

Can I just put my foot down finally and say that we just cannot play with them any longer even if they live right next door? Even if it is probably damaging these girl's already very fragile self esteems?

[Alyantavid]

Absolutely.

I've put my foot down on our neighbor kids for much less.

[COgirl19]

YES you can dump them. I understand your concern for those children but think of it this way:

It is not YOUR kid's responsibility to save those kids.

Unfortunately, no matter how nice you are to them, nothing is really going to improve the situation without the children being removed from the home or something else equally drastic. If you suspect abuse, continue notify the authorities but keep your kids safe. Having them play with the children won't change their home situation.

[Drummer's Wife]

Definitely tell your kids you don't want them playing with the neighbors since it's bothering you and causing problems. Just b/c they live by you, doesn't mean you or your children have to associate with them, yk? I'm sure it will be hard since they ride the bus together and will see each other outside, and possibly uncomfortable, but you have every right to want to keep your kids safe and out of the other family's issues.

[luv-my-boys]

Originally Posted by mommyoftwo

I feel horribly for them, really I do, but I have to start really protecting my own children here even if it hurts their feelings.

?

Mama I think you have your answer there. Your responsiblity is to protect YOUR children. I understand how you feel bad but this isnt your situation to deal with its that family's and truly I would be very concerned if you suspected sexual abuse (along with the physical abuse that cps is involved in) and having your children around them, predators are all ages and can be both girls and boys.

[velochic]

As much as it hurts us as mothers, in general, to give up trying to help, your first priority has to be your own children. You can't save these kids and sacrifice your own. TBH, any single thing that you mentioned would have been the first and last straw for me. Beating the kids/mother, any type of arrest, a lack of parental guidance about adult-themed media, guns in the house... any single issue would be a deal-breaker for me, let alone all of them. You sound like a caring neighbor, but, nope... not at the expense of your own children is any amount of help worth it.

[sunshinejanie]

Absolutely! After the little girl said that to your son, that would be it for me.

[serenbat]

I would put a call into CPS as well- let them know what you have seen-for the ALL the children's sake, if your child is now being accused (by their child) you could have a real problem.

[mommyoftwo]

Thanks everyone. I guess I tend to be nonconfrontational to a fault. I probably should have put my foot down long before this but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

They have a lot of people working with the family (psychologists, social workers) so hopefully the girls are getting the help that they so desperately need.

So what should I say to my dd (my son won't care)? My kids play outside constantly. Should I actually tell her that they shouldn't be playing together any longer or just keep her really busy for now (distract)?

[serenbat]

They have a lot of people working with the family (psychologists, social workers)

You really should speak to CPS because of what was said regarding your DS. If they are involved with psychologists, social workers, etc it would be far better coming from you first than them coming to you. I would protect my child, any accusation could be a real mess to deal with in the long run.

I would simply be super busy and not allow any contact with the family.

[lotusdebi]

Originally Posted by mommyoftwo

So what should I say to my dd (my son won't care)? My kids play outside constantly. Should I actually tell her that they shouldn't be playing together any longer or just keep her really busy for now (distract)?

Tell her not to play with them anymore. There are kids in my neighborhood that my older son is no longer allowed to play with because of their behaviors. He has told them that he's not allowed to play with them (in some cases he told them why) and he has moved on and found different friends. I think that eventually the keeping busy/ distracting method will become too difficult. And I think it will confuse your daughter. She needs more concrete boundaries, and she's old enough to understand why she can't play with them anymore.

[sapphire_chan]

Really, the incident with your ds being accused is a good way to tell your dd not to play with them.

[Carhootel]

Oy, yes, dump them. and don't feel bad about it either, you've put up with a lot. I say - be stupid and cheerful but don't let your kids play with them anymore