pregnant after mutiple m/c... anyone else?

[bk_hope_2_b_mama]

I'm around 6.5 weeks pregnant after 3 m/c's. Ultrasound tomorrow and hoping to see a heartbeat. I'm pretty damn nervous! I'm even getting sick of myself - analyzing every symptom or lack thereof. I can't even tell if things are real symptoms anymore. After a complete, crying meltdown this weekend ("I'm not pregnant anymore! I don't feel anything! WAHHHHHHHHHHH"), my DH looked at me and said cautiously, "um, do you think this mood could count as a symptom?"

Anyone else out there?

[NicolleLynne]

Hi Mama,

First off, - I had two losses before conceiving the little one I'm pregnant with now (I'm almost 38 weeks). Being pregnant after a loss is a roller coaster ride and I don't know anyone who's been there and went on to have a calm, stress free pregnancy. The best advice I can offer is to remember that you can worry all you want or hope all you want - whichever you choose the outcome will still be the same, so why not hope? Why not make every moment you do have with your little one positive and joyful?

To be perfectly honest with you, I'm still trying to live by these words and I'm due in two weeks but reminding myself of them helps. Something else to keep in mind, is that you can't go back to the time before you had the losses, you can't get the innocence back. People tell you everything is going to be fine but you know from experience that sometimes it's not. It's tough and you can't expect others, your DH included to understand... A lot of the time, I have to rely on myself for comfort. I use meditation a lot and try to keep busy so I don't have time to focus on my fears. It's been a difficult journey but one worth making.

Best wishes, best of luck,
Nicolle

[fyrwmn]

sending you big big hugs! we went thru 3 missed miscarriages prior to getting pg with ds. i got thru his pg partly from very understanding dr's who went the extra mile to provide the emotional support and reassurance we needed, and partly by trying to ignore the fact that we were pg. while most would think it a bit excessive, we did weekly u/s from 6wks thru the end of the 1st trimester. we'd only discovered each loss via ultrasound around 11wks after having good earlier ones, so having one a seeing a heartbeat didn't allay our fears for long. i did find that i was able to relax a bit more after the 12 week mark, but i don't think i was completely at ease till he was safely in my arms. i will say that this pg has found me more anxious too, but now that i can check the heartbeat at home i feel much more at ease.

i think that any pg after a loss is stressful, especially when you've had more than one loss. the innocence of pg is gone and you know all too well that things don't always work out, no matte rwhat the statistics say. i think our dh's are so worried about us and seeing us get hurt again, and they don't always understand why we're so worried even though they've gone thru the losses too. i know my dh would get a bit frustrated at the amount of worrying i did, because to him worrying didn't help anything.

i'd encourage you to find a support group of sorts, be it a group of ladies irl, or online that have gone thru losses and are pg again. i found that to be the best thing for me. they understood what i was going thru and had been there or were currently there themselves. it was nice to be able to talk and just be understood instead of having to explain to someone who had never btdt.

praying that your u/s goes well and that you'll be holding that precious little one in another 7/8 months.

[Breathless Wonder]

Have you been over here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=156

Wishing you good luck!

[bk_hope_2_b_mama]

Yes! Thank you. I've traveled through "infertility", then "PAL", now "I'm pregnant" and "PAL" simultaneously. I've found the ladies on PAL really supportive, but I'm also trying to soak up the optimism and excitement with the regular ol' pregnant ladies, too, because I'm hoping to feel like one of them soon! Sometimes the more I read about the problems everyone has had (including me), the more discouraged I get and start to focus on the possible problems instead of the little milestones.

For the moment, the heartbeat iis enough for me. I'm going to try to stay calm and positive until the next scan in two weeks.

[NicolleLynne]

Originally Posted by bk_hope_2_b_mama

Yes! Thank you. I've traveled through "infertility", then "PAL", now "I'm pregnant" and "PAL" simultaneously. I've found the ladies on PAL really supportive, but I'm also trying to soak up the optimism and excitement with the regular ol' pregnant ladies, too, because I'm hoping to feel like one of them soon! Sometimes the more I read about the problems everyone has had (including me), the more discouraged I get and start to focus on the possible problems instead of the little milestones.

For the moment, the heartbeat iis enough for me. I'm going to try to stay calm and positive until the next scan in two weeks.

I spend a good chunk of time hovering around the PAL forum but I also try to be involved in my DDC and the "I'm Pregnant" board too. On my good days, I can hang with the "regular pregnant women" and be positive and cheerful. On my bad days, I can vent to the PAL ladies and always be assured of finding support and understanding. It's great to have both options! I hope you have many more little milestones ahead and a beautiful baby in your arms soon!

[FireWithin]

My first baby was lost to me. I got pregnant a couple of months later, and like everyone else said, it was scary and painful. My mw stressed that the pregnancy innocence was gone and to respect that and do what I need to do to get through it. We had a sweet boy.
My second full term pregnancy was a bit easier, but I had a lot of bleeding so that was scary. We had a sweet boy.

This pregnancy I have mostly felt great peace about it, even though I have had very very heavy bleeding multiple times. I'm not sure if it is because I've had two good outcomes previously, but the fear is not the same level. I still worry if I don't feel her move, but it is better.

Hugs to you mama. It is scary. Respect your feelings.

[bk_hope_2_b_mama]

Nicolle - exactly! Today is a good day, so I'll roll with it until I freak out again!

[JTA Mom]

Well, not multiple losses. Just one big, very unlikely (like less than 1% chance) 'miscarriage' aka premature birth at 16 weeks with my first pregnancy. Because the reason was unknown (still today), because I was so far along and the chances of me losing the baby so slim, my PAL with ds2 was HARD.

I was neurotic. Any lessening of symptoms=not pregnant anymore. Then I felt ds2 move. Go an hour without him moving? Something bad had to have happened. I did a lot of crying, a lot of praying and a lot of breathing exercises. I also did the 'viable' countdown. Once I hit 20 weeks, I knew doctors would help me by stopping labor, etc, and that at 24 weeks, baby was viable. So each week I made it, I'd read up on how much 'further' I made it. I also constantly wore my 'lucky charm' necklace too. Hey, it couldn't hurt, right?

This time around, the fear isn't as intense. Mind you I've also been in therapy specifically dealing with losing Joseph, so it's not all 'me'. Still, in the first trimester (and even today) every time I pee, I check the tp.

Anytime the symptoms lessened I'd get a little niggling spike of worry.

And now that there's movement, the real fun has begun. This baby is a lot calmer than ds. So not as many movements. Ahhhh, the OJ I've drunk and belly pokes I've done trying to get a little kick.

So you are totally normal. And it's okay to feel more scared because you've lost your innocence. If you want, I can post a prayer I used to get me through the roughest parts. It's a 'religious' prayer so I don't want to just post it, kwim?



Ami

[Cassaba]

Ami, I am not the original poster, but I am interested in your prayer. I'm 12 weeks pregnant after 2 losses at 9-1/2 weeks each. So I have a lot of the same feelings expressed in this thread. Thanks in advance!

[jessieb503]

I've been there...

I, too, have had three miscarriages and am pregnant for the fourth time. I will be 12 weeks tomorrow and there has been a strong heartbeat all along. I know the emotional roller coaster you are on- I am right there with you.

I've been through all the emotions- like thinking something is wrong with me because I can't keep a pregnancy, like I keep letting my husband down (even though he is SUPER supportive), etc. I do feel like this is the ONE- I've been a lot less anxious throughout this pregnancy compared to the rest. I feel like my body just knows.

Do you have good support through a midwife/OB? I've found support through my acupuncturist and she has been my rock. And, once you've had three miscarriages I feel like you get special treatment- have you gone in for an ultrasound yet? We saw the heartbeat at 6.5 weeks, 8.5 weeks and heard it with doppler at 10.5 weeks. At least it will be some reassurance.

Stay positive! I know its hard-but its good to hear stories of how other mama's have had successful pregnancies after many losses. Fingers crossed for you!!!

[jessieb503]

Oops! Just reread your post- good luck tomorrow at your ultrasound!!!! Keep us posted!!

[JTA Mom]

Originally Posted by Cassaba

Ami, I am not the original poster, but I am interested in your prayer. I'm 12 weeks pregnant after 2 losses at 9-1/2 weeks each. So I have a lot of the same feelings expressed in this thread. Thanks in advance!

Here's the prayer. During pregnancy with ds2 I prayed a lot to the Virgin Mary, since I felt that she, having lost a child, would understand the best:

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mystical Rose, You who help all who invoke You in their necessities. As You are the ever Virgin Mary and the Mother of God, I ask that You obtain for me the grace of a firm and sure hope amid the bitterness of life, as well as an ardent love and the precious gift of perseverance.

Queen of Martyrs, whose Immaculate Heart was pierced by seven swords of grief, help me to walk valiantly amid the sharp thorns strewn across my path. Invoke the Holy Spirit of Wisdom to fortify my will and to help me to become strengthened and enlightened.

Dearest Lady, fruitful Mother of Holiness, teach me Your ways of gentleness and strength. Hear my prayer, offered with deep felt confidence to beg this favor.
I ask for a healthy, normal pregnancy and a healthy, normal child who will grow strong and happy; let no disease or disability touch my child. Protect me, my body, my child, my family.

I ask Your help in my striving to become the most perfect version of my highest self.

Make me an instrument of Your Peace,
Make me an instrument of Your Love,
Make me an instrument of Your Abundance,
Make me an instrument of Your Joy,
Make me an instrument of Your Beauty.

I give thanks to You for my many blessings and for all those that are to come.

I ask these things in the name of Your son Jesus, in the name of my child{if you have a specific name, put it here}, in the name of all that is beautiful, good and perfect, in the name of Love.
Amen

[Cassaba]

Originally Posted by JTA Mom

Here's the prayer. During pregnancy with ds2 I prayed a lot to the Virgin Mary, since I felt that she, having lost a child, would understand the best:

Our Lady of Guadalupe, Mystical Rose, You who help all who invoke You in their necessities. As You are the ever Virgin Mary and the Mother of God, I ask that You obtain for me the grace of a firm and sure hope amid the bitterness of life, as well as an ardent love and the precious gift of perseverance.

Queen of Martyrs, whose Immaculate Heart was pierced by seven swords of grief, help me to walk valiantly amid the sharp thorns strewn across my path. Invoke the Holy Spirit of Wisdom to fortify my will and to help me to become strengthened and enlightened.

Dearest Lady, fruitful Mother of Holiness, teach me Your ways of gentleness and strength. Hear my prayer, offered with deep felt confidence to beg this favor.
I ask for a healthy, normal pregnancy and a healthy, normal child who will grow strong and happy; let no disease or disability touch my child. Protect me, my body, my child, my family.

I ask Your help in my striving to become the most perfect version of my highest self.

Make me an instrument of Your Peace,
Make me an instrument of Your Love,
Make me an instrument of Your Abundance,
Make me an instrument of Your Joy,
Make me an instrument of Your Beauty.

I give thanks to You for my many blessings and for all those that are to come.

I ask these things in the name of Your son Jesus, in the name of my child{if you have a specific name, put it here}, in the name of all that is beautiful, good and perfect, in the name of Love.
Amen

That is a beautiful prayer. Thank you so much!

[bk_hope_2_b_mama]

Jessie,

I did have an early u/s at 6w2d and we saw a strong heartbeat! That has calmed me down a lot, because we never even got to that point in the past. This is my first pregnancy under the care of an RE, and I agree that the special treatment makes things so much easier! My old OB/GYN wouldn't even make a first appointment until 8-10 weeks, so I never even saw a doctor before I had already miscarried in the past. We have another ultrasound at a little over 8 weeks.

My panicky mode has mostly passed. I have some symptoms now, which is reassuring. Also, I just feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can at this point, so there's nothing to worry about. Well, at least I am having a good day and can say that!

Thanks for your response. It is helpful to hear from someone in a similar position, and even more helpful to hear a success story! I find that I spend a little too much time reading about all the bad thing that have happened/could happen in other women's pregnancies (and my own) and I start to get myself in a bad place. I really like hearing about your positive, "my body just knows" pregnancy!

Best of luck and I'll try to update after next Wednesday's follow up u/s.

[jessieb503]

I'm so glad!! Sorry, I'm new to this whole posting thing and noticed that you had already been to your first ultrasound after I posted my two posts! Hahaha. I'll get the hang of it soon.

IMO, you should stay away from all the 'negative' websites out there- it just puts an unnecessary seed of doubt in your mind and we don't need any help in that department, right?!?!? I've been staying away from them this pregnancy (okay, I may have looked once or twice and have felt much more positive about it.

Glad to hear you are feeling better! I've been thinking about you every day!

Keep us posted!

[bk_hope_2_b_mama]

Thank you for your kind thoughts. And I'm pretty new to the posting thing, too. It reaches a fevered pitch when I'm panicking; now I'm just trying to check in now and then when I feel like talking endlessly about pregnancy and know only other pregnant women will understand.

You're about five weeks ahead of me. That's great that you're leaving the first trimester! I'm happy to have made contact with someone else with a similar history and who is having such a strong, healthy pregnancy. Hopefully, I'll be joining you in the second trimester by the end of June

And, hey - my acupuncturist is awesome, too. She is actually also a doula and I'm wondering if I should use her later. I think in my younger years, I really underestimated the value of a network of strong, smart women.

Enjoy your pregnancy and I'm sure I'll update after next Wednesday (ten days...)