Second baby - when did things "normalize" for you?

[sophi4ka]

My second daughter was born 11 days ago (DD1 is 28 mo) and I have to say that its pretty crazy here right now and I am feeling tired and slightly depressed. I realize that some of it is probably the hormones and lack of sleep, but still, hard to imagine how will I be able to take care of two. Its a constant stream of demands!

I know people manage, and I am sure I will too, but at this point, being only 11 days postpartum it seems like such an impossible task! I feel like crying all the time

I was wondering, for those of you who have two or more kids, when did you feel things came back to being pretty much normal after you had your second babe?

Sophie

[Pandme]

Significant improvement circa 3-4 months. Back to normal? 5-6 months.

I mean, it's a new normal, but I can handle it without feeling like crying. My second was a major screamer in the early months. It was not good.

[LindsC]

I noticed a huge improvement around the 3-4 week mark. I think it helped that my second baby was so laid back and I was able to spend some time with DS during the day while she slept and I was able to nap when they both napped.

[AJHCFamily]

My son was 5 weeks yesterday (DD is 3 years) and I noticed I felt considerably better, like I wasn't going to fall to pieces. We have a long way to go before "normal" and it helps that my sons still sleeps a lot during the day.

Hang in there. I think when you start feeling better physically and the hormones settle a little bit, it will help.

Welcome to your new little one.

[Just1More]

For me? When my third one was born, things got a lot better. I know that's not very comforting.

The things I wished I knew when my second one was born, and what I think helped a lot the next time around was...

1.) I let the guilt go. My house was trashed, and I didn't care. My baby cried (not CIO), and my older two watched too much TV. And I didn't care. We ate out too much, too. I read some, and I played some, but mostly, we just were, and that was okay.

2.) I made time for myself to sleep. And I let others tend the baby more. With ds I was SO tired I just couldn't think straight and everything was SO overwhelming.

3.) Sort of going with #1, but I did whatever was easiest. I said "no" alot to outside demands. I paced our days very, very slowly, and just did what I could do, and shrugged off the rest.

s.

It DOES get better. And now that they run around and play together, I wouldn't change it for the world.

[nola79]

For me, it was around 8 weeks.

[Nicole730]

I'd have to say almost immediately. My husband took the first week off of work and he handled the toddler while I handled the baby. I was taking placenta pills so, that really helped with the emotional side. No crying episodes at all (beyond normal teary-eyed touching stuff). We got into a routine, I'd say around 3-4 weeks post-partum. I think it helps if you force yourself to get out of the house with both kids and see that it is possible. The sooner you start doing stuff, the easier it gets.

Hang in there, it will get better!

[berry987]

With my 2nd and then 3rd, I felt like things started to feel decent again after about 8 weeks (that's also when they both slept 11pm-6am). A new "normal" came at about 6 months old (when they started playing independently on the floor). Now my youngest is 16 months old (the others are 5 and 3) and while it's never a relaxing vacation here, I feel good & happy most days...like, this is my life, I can take care of three kids at once, and I like it!

[omelette]

I'm still waiting and my 2nd is 7 months. They're all so different.
The fatigue isn't so bad even though I'm still getting the same amount or less of sleep then I did at the beginning, I think my body and brain have adjusted to that.
Getting out the door is easier then it was in the beginning. It seemed like this monumental task to pack all the stuff we'd need for an afternoon out (my 2nd has reflux so it required lots of clothes and blankets and then snacks for the big one). But now it's not so bad and that was maybe around 5 months or so.
I still have days where I am fighting back tears all day and other days where I'm surprised by how smoothly its gone.
So, as I'm typing this I realize it has gotten better but I'm hoping it will keep getting better as ds2 starts to sleep more then 1-2hrs at a time and can be out of my arms for more then 10 minutes in the day. Thank you! It has gotten better.

My suggestion is to let your partner know all the challenges you're facing and see where he can help out to take a bit of the load off you. And if you have any family or friends offering help, take them up on it.
2 things that have helped over here is that dh does ds1 bedtime routine everynight and then I nurse ds1 and dh takes him for 3-4 hours so I can crawl into bed and get a few hours of sleep before ds2 joins me in bed. Having a shower everyday is also great to keep me going.

Adjusting to 2 kids is the hardest thing I've done. You're in the very early days. It will get better. Sleep when you can and remember to take good care of yourself too.

[Norasmomma]

For our family we never skipped a beat. When DS came it honestly helped DD "normalize" and not be so demanding, she realized that the world didn't just revolve around her. In all honesty it was extremely easy.

I think the answers will all be different.

[greenbeanmama]

I'd say I began to feel on top of things when little sister was about five months (although for the past month things have just seemed really, really chaotic...)

Our first was very needy, very sensitive, and very LOUD. He was almost three when little sister came along. She's much more mellow, but it's still hard trying to split myself between the two. I mourn the loss of one-on-one with my son, and I feel that it took much longer to "get to know" my daughter, since she never had the one-on-one time. Whenever my daughter is napping, I spend time reading or playing with my son. Our house is really messy most of the time (which drives me nuts), but spending her naps with him has helped alot.

We also get out of the house every day. Nothing big, but it really helps with my sanity. We go to the library at least once a week. We are rather familiar with the ladies who work at the grocery store. We're part of a mom's playdate group as well, and our next door neighbor is a SAHM as well, so we call each other once in a while.

Some days, though, we just don't get anything done. I'm doing well to have children dressed for the day. The dog doesn't get walked. The house is messier when my husband returns than when he left. Someone chose to throw temper tantrums all day, my head hurts, and the baby desperately needs a bath, but the tub is dirtier than she is. On days like that, I switch to sposie diapers, we have pizza for dinner, and I go to bed when the kiddos do.

Hang in there! It does get easier. Or at least less chaotic on a daily basis. You can do this, it just is a different season in your life than you're used to. You'll adjust, and you'll raise your babies the best you can.