Please help me. I can't do this anymore.

[AFWife]

My DS is about to be 13mo. He doesn't sleep. I'll try to be specific.

1) The kicking. When he nurses down he kicks me. On good nights it's light and limited to my pelvis and thighs. On bad nights it's hard and in my tummy. (He took my breath away one night) It drives me crazy.

2) Nursing...all.the.time. It's not so bad when he's nursing to get milk. It's the comfort nursing that makes my skin crawl. He has almost 8 teeth so when he comfort nurses he gets lazy and lightly GRINDS his teeth on my nipple. Take it away and he starts crying.

3) Lately he doesn't just wake up and cry out once until I nurse him....he cries A LOT. I thought it was teeth but even when I give him Motrin before bed it doesn't seem to help.


I'm so frustrated and tired. This has been going on for a couple of months now. I can't do this anymore. I really can't. We "tried" to get him to sleep without nursing the other night but he would only sleep if DH was walking him around. When he tried to lie down DS lost it again. I finally gave in because DH works early and I didn't think it was fair to keep him up all night. (and it would have been all.night.)

I haven't tried NCSS and don't have access to it right now.

Help?

[LadyCatherine185]

It could still be teeth, the molars and canines are BRUTAL. Motrin/tylenol/homeopathic teething remedies never did much for my DS. Have you read Sleepless in America? It has a lot of good suggestions for structuring your day to help maximize nighttime sleep. A few other things that really helped us get through the rough times were--

*blackout curtains
*white noise
*making the bed as comfortable to ME as possible. DH even slept in what is now DS's twin bed for a couple of months.
*DH took DS for an hour in the morning so I could get a little extra sleep before he went to work
*Napping with DS
*DH takes DS out every saturday morning for a couple hours so I can catch up on some sleep
*having a routine to the day
*making sure DS got plenty of outside playtime

Doing these things really helped my sanity when I was really sleep deprived. Once all of DS's teeth were in and I couldn't take night nursing anymore due to pregnancy, we gently nightweaned via the Jay Gordon method. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad. He went from sleeping 1-2 hour stretches (and we'd only get one 2 hour stretch a night) to sleeping 3-5 hour stretches. Then we moved him to his own bed and had DH take over nightwakings. He now sleeps 7+ hours straight almost every night, and usually only wakes up 1-2 times. It will get better!!

Have you looked into food allergies or reflux for nightwaking causes?

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

It could still be teeth, the molars and canines are BRUTAL. Motrin/tylenol/homeopathic teething remedies never did much for my DS. Have you read Sleepless in America? It has a lot of good suggestions for structuring your day to help maximize nighttime sleep. A few other things that really helped us get through the rough times were--

*blackout curtains
*white noise
*making the bed as comfortable to ME as possible. DH even slept in what is now DS's twin bed for a couple of months.
*DH took DS for an hour in the morning so I could get a little extra sleep before he went to work
*Napping with DS
*DH takes DS out every saturday morning for a couple hours so I can catch up on some sleep
*having a routine to the day
*making sure DS got plenty of outside playtime

Have you looked into food allergies or reflux for nightwaking causes?

1) Ugh, that's not comforting! But teeth aren't forever.

2) We do most of that for DH to sleep! (the blackout and white noise)

3) He's dairy sensitive so we're careful to only have raw dairy...no reflux symptoms.

[_ktg_]

I'm in the same boat with you AFwife. DS2 is now 15months and we are in the midst of nonstop nursing, chewing on the nipples, standing, kicking, twisting around (all while half asleep mind you).

I'm at my wit's end for sleep and getting snappy with DH and DSs because I'm not getting any rest, and my work is almost starting to suffer.

I dream of sleep (dark, snuggly sleep) without kids or DH.

[AFWife]

DS sleeps 5+ hours once a month or so. We do NOTHING different...it just happens. However, I don't sleep because I'm trained to get up every couple of hours. *sigh*

If he would be awake without physically harassing me I wouldn't have as much of a problem...but the kicking and biting is too much. I'll admit I've been rough with him a few nights just because I'm frustrated and sleep starved.

[LadyCatherine185]

if he is dairy sensitive i would cut ALL dairy for a few weeks and see if things improve. he could be reacting to the cow's milk protien (casein) which is still in raw dairy.

teething totally sucks, but it isn't forever! For us, at 16-18 months when DS was still waking so frequently, and all of his teeth were in, I knew that he was still waking to nurse out of 'habit.' (I really hate using that word, but that's what it was). He was used to getting those calories at night. Once I reduced his nursing at night, and he got used to getting more calories during the day (the kid eats more than I do now! ) he started sleeping better. But, he was done teething, and he is very verbal and was ready to handle the change. He barely fussed/cried during the nightweaning process. But, I was firm/consistent. If you feel that you need to nightwean, I would definitely look into the Jay Gordon method.. We did a slower version (about a month vs. the 10 days he talks about) but it worked really well. Your DS may cry a lot but if you are firm about the limitations he will learn to adapt. And you will be right there to comfort him and teach him how to be soothed in other ways.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

if he is dairy sensitive i would cut ALL dairy for a few weeks and see if things improve. he could be reacting to the cow's milk protien (casein) which is still in raw dairy.

teething totally sucks, but it isn't forever! For us, at 16-18 months when DS was still waking so frequently, and all of his teeth were in, I knew that he was still waking to nurse out of 'habit.' (I really hate using that word, but that's what it was). He was used to getting those calories at night. Once I reduced his nursing at night, and he got used to getting more calories during the day (the kid eats more than I do now! ) he started sleeping better. But, he was done teething, and he is very verbal and was ready to handle the change. He barely fussed/cried during the nightweaning process. But, I was firm/consistent. If you feel that you need to nightwean, I would definitely look into the Jay Gordon method.. We did a slower version (about a month vs. the 10 days he talks about) but it worked really well. Your DS may cry a lot but if you are firm about the limitations he will learn to adapt. And you will be right there to comfort him and teach him how to be soothed in other ways.

We're pretty sure it's lactose because he doesn't react to the raw dairy... (we trialed it)

Thank you for that paragraph.

[LadyCatherine185]

there is also lactose in human milk, so if it was the lactose he would be reacting to your milk as well. he sounds like he is very uncomfortable during his sleep, i would really consider cutting the dairy for a couple weeks.. it can't hurt to try.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

there is also lactose in human milk, so if it was the lactose he would be reacting to your milk as well. he sounds like he is very uncomfortable during his sleep, i would really consider cutting the dairy for a couple weeks.. it can't hurt to try.

un-pasteurized milk (including human) has lactase in it that helps break down lactose... I went without dairy (even in foods) for several months when he want younger...he still didn't sleep.

I'm afraid he inherited my insomnia...

[LadyCatherine185]

Originally Posted by AFWife

un-pasteurized milk (including human) has lactase in it that helps break down lactose... I went without dairy (even in foods) for several months when he want younger...he still didn't sleep.

I'm afraid he inherited my insomnia...

that makes sense if it is the lactose. i have always been a poor sleeper myself, as well. DS definitely got my sleep genes. I promise it gets better! I never thought it would for us, but here we are! We just had to make some changes and wait for the right time.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LadyCatherine185

that makes sense if it is the lactose. i have always been a poor sleeper myself, as well. DS definitely got my sleep genes. I promise it gets better! I never thought it would for us, but here we are! We just had to make some changes and wait for the right time.

Lactose Intolerance runs in both mine and DH's family. My brother has it and, apparently, DH's uncle and mom are iffy on dairy. So yeah, he gets it honestly.

My mom says I've always been a poor sleeper. NOTHING works for me. I was hoping better for DS!

[Baby_Cakes]

I would try nightweaning ala Dr Jay Gordon. I think it would help you chill a bit about the whole situation and not be so frazzled. It will be a hard few nights, but it's worth it in the end.

We nw'd DD at around 13-14 mo, and while she still woke a few times for a couple months, she just needed a snuggle or a pat on the back. It was like a miracle b/c she was EXACTLY like your LO up till that point. Now at 19 mo she STTN (but we still bedshare so sometimes we wake when she rolls over or something).

Just so you know, this too shall pass. Really. It will. He will sleep someday, and you are an awesome mama for following his lead and being there for him now. It's hard, I know, but you are totally doing the right thing.

[Louisep]

Originally Posted by AFWife

DS sleeps 5+ hours once a month or so. We do NOTHING different...it just happens. However, I don't sleep because I'm trained to get up every couple of hours. *sigh*
.

I know how frustrating this is. I never found rhyme or reason to DS's night wakings. We partially night weaned at 12 months and dropped to one nap and things improved from 6-10 wakings to 3-5 per night. Then all his teeth came in, literally 16 in one go and BAM he started sleeping. Usually he only wakes 1 to 2 times per night now.

Would you consider partial night weaning? Jay Gordon discusses how to do this online. We did it very slowly and there was no crying, just fussing.

DS also has dairy issues and he weaned at 14 months, around that time he started sleeping better. However hard I tried, I'm pretty sure dairy slipped through my diet. It's much easier to just control his dairy intake than both of ours.

Good luck. From someone who was in a very dark place sleep wise, it gets better - never believed anyone who told me so!

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by Louisep

I know how frustrating this is. I never found rhyme or reason to DS's night wakings. We partially night weaned at 12 months and dropped to one nap and things improved from 6-10 wakings to 3-5 per night. Then all his teeth came in, literally 16 in one go and BAM he started sleeping. Usually he only wakes 1 to 2 times per night now.

Would you consider partial night weaning? Jay Gordon discusses how to do this online. We did it very slowly and there was no crying, just fussing.

DS also has dairy issues and he weaned at 14 months, around that time he started sleeping better. However hard I tried, I'm pretty sure dairy slipped through my diet. It's much easier to just control his dairy intake than both of ours.

Good luck. From someone who was in a very dark place sleep wise, it gets better - never believed anyone who told me so!

Thank you. I might try to partially do it...he was SO distraught the other night, though. I sat and cried because he kept crying "ma....ma...."

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes

Just so you know, this too shall pass. Really. It will. He will sleep someday, and you are an awesome mama for following his lead and being there for him now. It's hard, I know, but you are totally doing the right thing.

Thank you. I needed that.

[EzzysMom]

I'd second what someone else said, is he still taking two naps? my daughter did better at night once she dropped down to one. Also unfortunately my daughter was a crummy sleeper and that timeframe was brutal. It was a few months before she settled back down again and yes it was the teeth. That said, we nightweaned around 21 months when I got pregnant and she started sleeping through the night with no tears. She was just ready then finally. He will sleep again, I urge you to try to find your best ways to cope and assume he won't change, it's easier to change yourself