DS asking to go potty and not wanting to get off toilet...

[chellebee]

DS is 20 months old and has started to ask to go to the bathroom. He goes on a potty ring on the big toilet. He did potty chair at 15 months and then quit because he was so over the potty chair.

Anyway, he asks to go potty, we get him up there, he pees (YAYY!!!) and then...won't get down. He wants to hang out forever on the toilet and read books. I never would have thought that getting *off* the potty would be our dilemma. I would let him hang out up there, but sometimes we have somewhere to go or something to do, and I just can't realistically let him sit for an hour. I have tried "let's go xyz!" (insert really fun thing here), giving a heads up that it's almost time to get down ("when this book is done, it's time to get down") so i'm not surprising him, and short of offering him yogurt--he will stop anything for yogurt--I can't get him down happily. I don't want to use food that way or in a way that seems like a reward. Trying to raise a kid with good a food relationship...Maybe I am over thinking it though.

I am trying to avoid having power struggles/negative associations around potty learning, since that is apparently so easy to do, so I'd ideally like to get him off without the tantrum afterward. I am afraid that he will not want to use the toilet anymore if he always ends up unhappy after every visit. Understandable.

ideas wise mamas??

[sapphire_chan]

Ask him if he needs the potty when you think he's done. When he says "no" because they always say "no" cheerfully say something like "all done then, off you go." That might help some of the time.

Walk away and leave him to play with his books alone. Easiest way is to bring a chair into the bathroom right next to the toilet and set the books on it. Then you can at least get other stuff done and it'll encourage him to wrap up so he can go get you and read books somewhere else.

Make sure you're reading books at other times during the day.

With all that, most of the time getting off the potty won't be traumatic and so the times when you have to grab, wipe, and go won't drive him away from the potty. Really, that isn't a huge risk with a kid who sees the potty as library time, how many times have you seen a kid refuse the park because they have a screaming fit everytime they have to leave?

[chellebee]

When I ask he always says yes, that he still needs the potty. I've also asked if he has to poop since he hasn't done that on the potty yet (thought he might be waiting/trying to) he tells me no.

We read a lot during the day. He is going through a little book obsession right now. I will set him up with the chair w/ books next time--that's a good idea. He might just need to get bored and get down on his own.

LOL very true with the park analogy!

[sapphire_chan]

And if (when) he wants you to stay right there with him, the chair's a comfy place to sit and read your own book.

[lyra1977]

My DD is exactly the same and wants to sit there reading for 40 minutes sometimes! It is annoying sometimes, but also cute

[chellebee]

I agree, it is pretty cute sometimes! I have to wonder how this will translate into the older years--he may be starting his bathroom reading habits early.

I set him up with books today and left after a bit to tidy the house and he had less trouble getting off. I think this is our new approach!

[amberskyfire]

What if you don't use yogurt as a reward, but just as a tool to assist you when you really need it. For example, don't say "if you get off the potty, I'll give you some yogurt." Just wait until he's done peeing and then say "guess what time it is! It's yogurt time!" You can inconspicuously make it "yogurt time" any time you need it to be yogurt time just like it can be "time to have dinner" or "time to go somewhere," etc. Just don't make it out to be a reward. I think of it as a kind of misdirection.

[Zimbah]

I have the same issue sometimes but with the potty not the toilet. If DD hasn't peed in the potty I'll just leave her sitting there and get on with whatever I want to do, but if she has, then I can't leave her because she's likely to accidentally tip it up and/or start playing with it. Gets a bit annoying after half an hour of sitting with her on the floor. Sometimes it works to lure her off with suggesting something fun, sometimes I do pick her up, wipe and snatch the potty away before she sits back down again, which sometimes causes a tantrum and sometimes not. So no ideas from me!

[LaFlaca1226]

My DD (who will be 3 in July) does this too. We have discovered that she is very introverted, and needs a lot of time alone in order to play well with others (just like her mother). So I make sure she has plenty of alone time throughout the day, reading and playing in her room mostly.

To get her off the potty if we need to go somewhere, I tell her we will bring the book in the car. That usually does the trick.

Or, if I know we have to leave right away, I don't let her get started reading to herself. I pick a quick book, read it to her while she pees, and then try to clean her up before a discussion ensues. (Obviously, sometimes this plan fails.)

Well, we can at least be glad that we are raising readers and thinkers!