a mess...can't even boil it down to 1 sentence title.

[chirp]

im about to go nuts...nak with a toddler climbing on me.

everytime i sit to nurse the baby (2 mos) to sleep the toddler is all over me. i sah. no help during the day. i could spend QT w/ toddler if i could just get this baby to sleep. but it's proving impossible.

today toddler was screaming and banging on bedroom door while i was trying AGAIN.

i try to put on a movie...but attn span is like ZILCH esp. if he knows where/what i'm doing.

any tips? commiseration? at times i'm gritting my teeth so hard in an effort not to yell/hit...so hard it hurts my teeth...it's almost involuntary. i feel like i'm going nuts.

hope my writing is comprehensible...again i've got two cranky kids hanging off of me.

tia!

[Callimom]

Hugs to you.

Here are some things that worked for me

1. read out loud while you nurse
2. watch tv together while you nurse
3. nurse in a chair - not on the couch, or standing w baby in a sling
4. nurse standing up while your younger one plays playdough, or you help with a puzzle
5. Nurse the baby in a sling and then go out for a walk.
6. Nurse and then pile them all in a car and go for a short drive to give you a break and hopefully they will fall asleep. Get a fun book tape or music tape for the car.

I don't know that a toddler is ready to be separated from you while you try to nurse the baby to sleep in another room.
I think when you go from one kid to two it can be really hard because a lot of the parenting tricks you thought you had figured out with 1 don't work so well with 2. It can take a while to get the hang of meeting the needs of more than one child at a time but it will come.
Hang in there.
Karen

[chirp]

those are all good ideas

I guess it boils down to me also being frustrated that this babe isn't getting what ds got. the attention especially. i feel bad that i just can't provide that for him like i did the older one.

and just to say...i do nurse in a chair. ds1 gets another chair, climbs up and tries to get on my back/shoulders. it's insanely annoying.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I think this is about the hardest time when you add a second child. I don't have any magic advise, though I would say that your baby won't suffer if you nurse and maybe sling for nap and thus can stay in the same room with your toddler. Its sort of a given that the baby won't get "the same" type of attention that you could give a single child. You do the best you can and it will be OK. Maybe on the weekends dad can have special time with toddler while you have special time with baby?

I confess that mostly I used TV as a distraction for my then 3 YO when I was trying to get baby to nurse and sleep. If it helps any, my DS had a really annoying habit at that point -- every time I would sit down to nurse the baby, he would find a corner or piece of furniture and pee! So the routine would be nurse, clean up urine... repeat many times a day. I was SOO glad when my maternity leave was up and I had at least 3 days a week when he was at preschool, she was at daycare and I didn't have to figure out how to get yet more pee out of the couch!

[chirp]

just to clarify...i only go in the bedroom with ds2 as a last resort...when ds1 is just persistantly climbing and playing around me.

[lovesea]

Oh I look back fondly on the days when I had a newborn on the breast and a toddler on my back, shoulders, foot in face, oops he's just kicked the baby, lol. I just learnt to be totally zen about both of their daytime sleep. I couldn't expect ds to keep quiet all the time. They'll sleep when they are tired enough. We went out in the car a lot. I used to rock the baby to sleep in the carseat sometimes. I even resorted to sticking them in front of the tv. All the things I vowed I'd never do and wouldn't have dreamt of doing when it was just the one. Funny thing is dd (the younger child) is much more easy going and happier than ds. Maybe just her nature but..?

[LisamommyRN]

I'm in a similar boat right now (3 month old and 2.5 year old). I second the reading aloud suggestion, but really what I wanted to tell you is this: your second baby might not get the same from you as your first did, but in a way, he gets something more- he gets a sibling! right from the start! how exciting! someone to look up to, to play with! Pretty soon the baby will start coo-ing and goo-ing, and following the toddler around the room with his eyes, and you'll see the relationship develop between them and (maybe) feel a little less guilt about the whole situation.
HTH,
Lisa

[PieKat]

You've gotten a lot of suggestions that are good. One thing I've read (and will try, so if you do it, I'd like to know if it works) from LLL is to have a special "nursing box" with really cool toys that your toddler gets to play with only while the baby is feeding. That way, nursing is seen in a positive light by the toddler and he/she has a good distraction from wanting to hang all over you. There could be books, movies, special games or activities and you can rotate them every week or so to keep the toddler's interest.

[Three~Little~Birds]

The hardest part in going from 1 to 2, IMO, was learning to manage conflicting needs. One needs to sleep, the other needs to play, 1 needs to eat, the other needs to sleep...
Be encouraged that their needs will converge soon though...

Originally Posted by LisamommyRN

what I wanted to tell you is this: your second baby might not get the same from you as your first did, but in a way, he gets something more- he gets a sibling! right from the start! how exciting! someone to look up to, to play with! Pretty soon the baby will start coo-ing and goo-ing, and following the toddler around the room with his eyes, and you'll see the relationship develop between them and (maybe) feel a little less guilt about the whole situation.
HTH,
Lisa

I agree. I aremember feeling the same way as you and talking with my friend about how I felt that my 2nd was getting the short end of the stick. She (fourth born in her family) told me that he wan't getting the short end, but rather, just a different end. While there are some disadvantages, there are so many advantages, including what PP mentionned, to being the second born. That always stuck with me. I now believe it to be true!

Originally Posted by PieKat

You've gotten a lot of suggestions that are good. One thing I've read (and will try, so if you do it, I'd like to know if it works) from LLL is to have a special "nursing box" with really cool toys that your toddler gets to play with only while the baby is feeding. That way, nursing is seen in a positive light by the toddler and he/she has a good distraction from wanting to hang all over you. There could be books, movies, special games or activities and you can rotate them every week or so to keep the toddler's interest.

What I would try to do would be to plan to have a 'new' activity right as baby had to nurse. I distinctly remember writing lists at night about some quick ideas that I could use the next day when I was exhausted and unable to think. So, something novel, that would peak their interest for the moment that you needed it. Sometimes that activity was a snack, sometimes previously stashed books or stickers, sometimes a toy that had been forgotten about. It didn't always work, but it often did. My goal was to always have an activity ideas up my sleeve, ready for when I needed it. (That was the goal, but it often didn't happen though, lol)

Other times I would try to remind myself that birth taught me to surrender to what was happening at the moment. I think that maybe that is a helpful tool to be used throughout motherhood - maybe mother nature's teaching to us...

Other times, still, I would just break down and cry - and that's OK too...
How old is your toddler?
Hugs to you. I feel your frustration. I promise you that it will get easier.

[Jenine]

I could have written every last word of your post. First, I can tell you that it gets better, our babe is now 7 mos and we're in a decent nap routine.

I also tried to nurse DD to sleep in the bedroom with door closed for naps and DS would be quiet until she was almost asleep and then realize I had slipped away and start yelling for me! That's with the TV on. So then I tried telling him "I'm going to put baby to sleep and then when I'm done we'll have alone time" didn't work! He just isn't old enough to delay gratification/be patient/consider DD's needs. I was very frustrated a lot of the time.

I wanted DD to get the sleep she needed and to nurse her to sleep like DS had done but I realized that my sanity also had to be preserved in order for all of us to have good days. So my solution became nursing with DS around/all of us together and then put DD in a sling so she could fall asleep. At that point I could slip away and lay her down. It was tough on my back for a while but it was worth it. It was also a challenge a lot of the time to just nurse her without worrying about her falling asleep (because DS would crawl all over us) so I continued putting the TV on for that. We now watch A LOT less TV and DS is used to the routine so he is much less disruptive. I wish I had given in and just started using the sling a lot sooner.

It is so hard to figure out how to meet the needs of both LO's when you have a new baby. I have never felt more challenged, frustrated, angry and just plain stumped at times. But as LisamommyRN mentioned, watching the relationship develop between them is one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed!!

Hang in there, you WILL figure it all out!

[Jenine]

Originally Posted by chirp

just to clarify...i only go in the bedroom with ds2 as a last resort...when ds1 is just persistantly climbing and playing around me.

oops! just noticed this clarification.

[chiefmir]

I bottle fed DD2, but still had to deal with a first DD who wanted attention right.at.that.time sometimes. I agree with the idea of having a bunch of novel or interesting activities your ODC can do during nursing. here are some things that would have kept my DD1 engaged for a while:

- a TV show- with me in the same room
- a "treat" snack
- a sheet of new stickers and somewhere to stick them
- masking-taped large sheets of paper onto a wall and permission to draw on it
- stamps and washable ink pads (and permission to stamp on her hands-- but that is just me!)
- put many towels down on the kitchen floor, fill large clear bowls with water tinted with food coloring, and provide spoons, cups, etc. for her to play with
- if weather is nice, drawing with chalk outside or "painting" on the driveway with water and a brush, while i fed the baby on the step or in a chair.
- those markers that can be used on glass (found them at 5 below for like 2 dollars) and setting her up in front of the sliding glass window
- letting her play with a whole box of weirdly shaped noodles poured into a roasting pan (cups, letting her feel them with her feet, etc).
- washable markers and permission to draw on her hands and/ or feet (she loves making messes, and I dont' mind)
- putting her in the bath tub (no water) with bath tub crayons to draw with while i fed the baby on the floor

hope some of that helps!

[ians_mommy]

Just wanted to give you an empathetic hug.

I have a 6-week-old and 2.5 year-old and somedays I feel like I am competing for the "Most Incompetent Mother of the Year" award.

I attempted a trip to the park this weekend with DD in a sling and it ended in a screaming, crying, sweaty, poopy mess complete with DS falling off the jungle gym. . I even had an audience of several parents to watch the display.

I have many episodes of Mickey Mouse Club House, Sesame Street and Chuggington recorded and I do not feel a single inkling of guilt at using them liberally to buy myself some peace.

[fairefaerie]

Have you tried talking to the toddler? So many moms I know have gone through this and have been on the verge of eating their young until they sat the older sib down and explained. "The baby has to eat, just like you do. Once I feed him, he'll go to sleep, and you and I can spend time together. The longer he cries, the less time we have." It seems simplistic, but really young kids can understand that logic. You might have to remind him a few times, but see if it works.

[MiaMama]

Mom to a 3yo and a 9 wk old here.

I think I am also in the running for that "most incompetent" award. DD1 doesn't climb or jump on us much anymore, she just quietly goes off and destroys something.

She has peed down the floor vents and seasoned our entire back porch with all the spices from the pantry.

I take her to a kids gymnastics class, and that is when we are all the happiest. So, I've been taking her 3 times a week. I sit outside the room, watching through the big windows and nurse the baby, and she runs, jumps, gets attention from adults, and plays with other 3yo kids.

ETA: I went to the craft store and bought a huge piece of white felt and a pack of colored felt. I glued/taped the white felt to a piece of cardboard to make a feltboard and cut out shapes from the colored felt to stick on the board. Messless craft! I ask her to tell me stories with the feltboard while I am nursing DD2.

[UrbanSimplicity]

Just wanted to commiserate, and maybe give you a giggle. When my second dd was born, I always tried to explain to older dd who was 2, that when the baby slept we could have our special time just the 2 of us. She, FOR ALMOST A YEAR, insisted on disturbing that crucial 'drifting off to sleep' time by sneaking in the room and shouting a loud, sinister sounding "HI!"

[chirp]

that definitely happens around here too.

raargh.

[Juvysen]

it's a rough time for all of you - getting a new sibling is hard!

How old/big is your toddler? Would it be possible to put him in a back carrier and pace the house (or go for a walk) while holding other baby? I guess that's the first thing that comes to mind. He wants to be on mama, so let him be on mama. Maybe nurse the baby and then put Ds1 in the back carrier while you hold/burp/bounce ds2 to sleep, post nursing? I've actually done that recently with my almost-3-yo and my 2 mo... actually my 4 yo, too, come to think of it (not all at the same time). Love my ergo

Sorry you're so frustrated... takes a while to get in a groove, I think... and for the older sibling(s) to "get" how it's gonna be now.

[chirp]

Originally Posted by fairefaerie

Have you tried talking to the toddler? So many moms I know have gone through this and have been on the verge of eating their young until they sat the older sib down and explained. "The baby has to eat, just like you do. Once I feed him, he'll go to sleep, and you and I can spend time together. The longer he cries, the less time we have." It seems simplistic, but really young kids can understand that logic. You might have to remind him a few times, but see if it works.

yes we have tried that. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.