Frustrated and need opinions

[sarahkristin]

First, let me start off by saying that this is going to be a very detailed post because I have no way of asking opinions without sharing every single minute detail. I totally understand if you don't want to read all of this but I have to at least get all these details and questions out of my head because they are driving me crazy. I never thought getting pregnant again would be this confusing and difficult. If anyone makes it through these details and can offer some advice or support, I will love you for it. But if no one does respond, I promise I won't get offended. Like I said, I really need to vent.

So, here is some history. My DH and I have been ttc since January, but not seriously until this month. We are trying for a boy, so we want to dtd as close to O as possible (based on the shettles method and tcoyf and such.) I started charting my temps at the beginning of this cycle. Last cycle I didn't chart but took OPKs from cycle day 10 through 18 with no positives. I honestly thought I didn't need to chart because the OPKs would tell me when I was ovulating. I have records of my last 7 cycles that were 27 to 29 days long with the majority of them 29. My last complete cycle, the one I took OPKs during, went to 32 days. I haven't had that long of a cycle since I got my period back after the birth of DD. She is 21 months and we are still nursing for naps, bed time, and the last half of the night (between 5 and 8 am she nurses pretty frequently.)

I NEVER get more than 3 hours of consistent sleep so my temperature chart is all funky. The only other times I have charted was back in October and November as a trial to see what my temps would do. Normal temps were 96.98 and never went above 97.25. After ovulation, my temps would spike to 97.85 and higher. Each of those two months I o'd later than I expected, cd 19 and 16, and cycle length of 29.

This month, I am charting, doing OPKs and monitoring CM. My temps have ranged thus far from 97.21 to 97.58. I had one dip to 96.88 on cd 14 and then the next day (yesterday, cd 15) it was 97.33 and cd 16 today at 97.51. The majority of my temps this cycle have been in the 97.4 - .5 range. BUT my OPKs have all been negative. I have been taking 2 per day. One first thing in the morning when I wake up and one in the afternoon around 4. I have 8 tests left (I'm using the clearblue digital kind.) My CM today has been white but not much of it.

It seems like I am still gearing up to ovulate, but I have no clue. I am on cd 16 today. My poor hubby is getting frustrated because we've been holding out since cd 11 to increase his count. If only I would have known it would be this long... The dip in my temp on cd 14 concerns me a bit. I thought my body was like clock work because of my consistency of cycle length being 29 days. I just assumed I would ovulate on cd 14 and that would be that. Should I keep taking the tests? I'd have enough to get me to cd 19. Do you think I have already ovulated and missed it? Is it possible that I am not ovulating at all and still getting a period? I'm starting to stress out and that is not helping at all.

If anyone is still reading this, thank you for listening to me. I do feel better after typing all of this out. I think I am just being impatient. Any thoughts, opinions, ideas?

[Lousli]

It is really common, even in a shorter cycle, to ovulate later than CD 14. You could easily be ovulating on CD 17 or 18 and still have a normal 11 or 12 day luteal phase (the time after ovulation.) You could even ovulate on day 19 and have a 10 day luteal phase, which is a little short, but probably still okay.

It is also possible that you aren't ovulating every month. Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? I would start with that. It explains a lot about how to chart and how to observe your fertility signs to increase your chances of getting pregnant.

I'd also suggest you keep taking the OPK's, because if you are going to ovulate this month and you haven't yet, you want to make sure you don't miss the opportunity.

[MaerynPearl]

If he doesnt have a count problem, there is NO need to wait. A healthy man can DTD every 12 hours and have perfectly normal sperm count.

Shettles method... if it works at all... only sways your odds by a percent or two, which isnt much. We had great timing for a boy this time and I have a little girl on the way. Other women I know of DTD 5 days before O and are having boys.

So relax! Thats what you REALLY need to do. Since you are having trouble pinpointing O, just DTD every other day. Then you will have your bases covered!



Also, in perfectly normal healthy couples it can take up to a year of perfect timing to finally conceive... Im one of several I know of that took 7 cycles with no medical problems. So dont beat yourself up over it taking a while, okay?

[Stevi]

I agree with Louisli, you could be ovulating later in your cycle. The best you can do is continue temping and using the OPKs.

If you weren't trying for a boy, I would have suggested that you BD every other day, all through your cycle.

[kalamos23]

I agree with the others, and just wanted to add, we only DTD the entire month with DD the night before O and voila... a girl!

[sarahkristin]

Thanks for the replies everyone! I'm sure DH will be happy tonight. I just put all my info into fertilityfriend so now I have an online chart. I had no clue you could use that service for free and have been using some silly app on my iphone. Here is a link to my chart if anyone is curious. http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2ec3f6

I haven't actually read the tcoyf book. Never really thought I needed it because I got pregnant so easily (read accidentally) with dd. I've read summaries and such of both tcoyf and the shettles method. Maybe if we don't succeed this month I'll buy the book.

[segrau]

I am also doing Shettles, though I'm trying for a girl, so I feel your pain. Have you completely read through "How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby?" I know my first read through I missed the FAQ that specifically said NOT to try this while bf. I had only about 2 hours of ewcm (and very little of it, at that) when I was bf DS. I just weaned him in December, and finally in March everything returned to normal. The FAQ stated that women should not try Shettles until they are done bf for at least 2-3 months to make sure the signs are clear. Voila! Everything magically changed for me after that period.

Anyway, your OPK's alone are not the best indicator of O. They will just tell you that you are about to o within 12-48 hours. Plus, in HTCTSOYB, they say that you should use opk's twice a day between the hours of 11 am and 3 pm and again between 5 pm and 10 pm. These are the best times to detect your LH surge, according to several studies. So, once you get your positive opk, then you should be checking cm every couple of hours or so. BBT didn't work out for me, either. I could never really get into the rhythm of it. But your cm changes from ewcm that stretches to non-stretchy almost immediately after o. That is the best indicator, according to HTCTSOYB. It's what I've used, though I've added opk's just to be certain that I'm about to o.

Your fertility may not be fully restored since you're still bf. If you're really okay with having one of either gender, and you just want to slightly up your odds of having a boy for now, then go ahead and try it. But if you really want to give this a solid effort, then I'd wait for your nursling to wean and give yourself a couple of months before TTC your boy.

By the way, the success rate, when followed correctly, is not just a few percentage points. Shettles followers (who follow it strictly) boast a 75-80% success rate for girls and a 80-85% success rate for boys.

Sorry, if I've gotten a bit animated here, but I'm nose deep in Shettles book every night now, and doing my very best to have my little girl. I think misinformation is the #1 reason why this method fails some people. I've met 6 couples who used Shettles to get their babies. Four were successful and 2 were not, but the two who were not admitted to miscalculating o, thereby invalidating the whole thing. Avoid having sex after o, until a few days have passed, and Make sure you have plenty of ewcm for you're man Y's to swim in. Have lots of orgasms, before and after BD, and this may work out for you even though you're still bf. I'm the last person on earth to advocate weaning early.

[MaerynPearl]

Originally Posted by segrau

By the way, the success rate, when followed correctly, is not just a few percentage points. Shettles followers (who follow it strictly) boast a 75-80% success rate for girls and a 80-85% success rate for boys.

of course shettles will only post those huge success rates. Do a bit of research on your own into the actual scientific studies that prove its nowhere near that.
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/333/23/1517
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1836712


and then there is this thread in the I'm Pregnant! forum which, while far from scientific, does not show the numbers anywhere near even 75% but much closer to 50%

[segrau]

Well, I admit that my experiences are based on anecdotal evidence, but I have never met any couples who admit to using Shettles and say that it was unsuccessful unless they have also admitted to miscalculating their o or having sex too soon after o. I'm going to believe the people I know.

I'm not trying to start any animosity here, I just think that the majority (not all, by any means) of the unsuccessful Shettles users are those who have not fully read the text and are trying to do it without fully understanding what they need to do. It is the only non-medical method of sex selection based on scientific study of sperm and intravaginal sperm behavior. I also know that Shettles, like sperm separation, is not 100% and that no one should try it without first agreeing that they would welcome a child of either gender into their family. The only method that works 100% of the time is embryonic selection, where only the embryos of the desired gender are inserted for implantation. And THAT method is crazy expensive, involves hormone treatments and IVF. Shettles is a much better alternative for most of us desiring a balanced family.

[Lousli]

Originally Posted by sarahkristin

I haven't actually read the tcoyf book. Never really thought I needed it because I got pregnant so easily (read accidentally) with dd. I've read summaries and such of both tcoyf and the shettles method. Maybe if we don't succeed this month I'll buy the book.

I checked mine out from our library. Most of the information you need is in a few chapters of the book because you most likely won't need the super detailed instructions on how to draw your own coverline if you're using charting software, and you certainly don't need the info on charting to avoid!

[segrau]

Yeah, you may not need TCOYF, but you will want to read all the way through "How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby." There's a lot of info there, although admittedly you can probably skip through the whole first part of the book about the ethics of gender selection. Obviously if you want to try this, you're not concerned that it's unethical.

[Tara2]

I'm just going to add that ime unlike a previous poster who had very limited CF while BF, I have had the opposite issue with having over a week of CF, sometimes more, while BF since PPAF returned, making it difficult to pinpoint O. Not trying shettles or anything, but just that those trying to conceive either gender would do well to hit the peak day, last day of CF before O, usually occurring on O day or day before.

[HulaJenn]

I wanted to add that still nursing that frequently can have a big impact on ovulation and LP so you could be a late Oer and having a short LP. You will only know once you have a couple charts under your belt (although hopefully you won't need more than this one right?! ) With the EWCM I'd say you are gearing to O and should hopefully see a spike soon. And for not getting consistent sleep, I'd say your temps are really steady (some women have mountain ranges in their charts)! And it is normal to have big dips and spikes in a chart regardless of O date.
And I agree that there is no reason to have DH "hold it".
BUT I want to add that, whether coincidental or not, I used the Shettles method to conceive my boy, but I also did the gender selection diet (to make the body's ph more alkaline - because apparently boy swimmers like alkaline friendly and the girls swimmers like acidic)? So I cut out dairy, ate a lot of red meat, potassium is also supposed to be good so i ate a lot of bananas. I also put just a teeny dab of baking soda "right in there" with a clean finger about a half hour before DTD. (if you are prone to vaginal bacterial infections this isn't recommended) And we DTD the day before O (it just worked out that way). I had 2 girls already and heard the odds of conceiving another girl were high because of that, so I really did my research and ended up with a baby with a penis, so like I said...coincidence?
I think like any untraditional method of anything, there are arguments to disprove both sides and as long as in the end all you want is a baby then it never hurts if there is even the slightest increase in the chances. Good luck!

[sarahkristin]

Thanks Jenn! I have also read about the diet thing and have been increasing the amount of lemon and watermelon (which oddly enough are supposed to have the most powerful effect on the body's alkalinity. I already eat a lot of red meat and bananas make my throat itchy. Bleh.

We decided to dtd last night and keep at it every night until I get a positive opk. DD slept sooo badly last night, waking up every half an hour and then at 5 deciding she wanted to be up until 7:30. So when I took my temp this morning, it was higher than usual. When I put it into my chart, the chart predicted that I o'd the day I had the dip (cd 14) even though I had no ewcm or pos opk. I don't think it is possible that I've missed my ewcm, I usually have a LOT of it. So, I don't know. Should I keep taking the opks? I guess it wouldn't hurt, I'll just lose a little bit of money if I have already o'd. Maybe if we aren't successful this month, next cycle I'll just dtd every night until we get preggo.

[HulaJenn]

I'd say if your temp stays up in the same area for the next 2 days it will move those crosshairs to cd16 but like you say, your sleep pattern was not that great. Some women never get a pos OPK. I myself dont' hold much use for them as they can only predict the body's gearing up to O within 48 hours - and that may not mean you even O! Temps are the best indicator, so keep up with them and see what happens. I know that doesn't help with the method you are trying...the best I could suggest is holding off the next couple cycles until you get a couple charts down and see whereabouts you are Oing? but with the EWCM I'd say your chances are good that if it hasn't happened already, that you are on your way.

[Stevi]

Originally Posted by sarahkristin

dtd every night until we get preggo.

Now, that's the kind of attitude I like!!!