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Would you let your children influence your real estate decisions? - Page 2

post #21 of 80
We took our kids with us when we looked at houses, and yes, we did take their opinions into account. I want the kids at feel "at home" in our house, just like dh and I want it to feel right to us.
post #22 of 80
My parents always got our opinions on the places we were moving into within reason and they were the very controlling types. They narrowed it down to the houses in the area they wanted that were in their price range then let us help make the final decisions. I think it was a wonderful thing to do because it was a decision that affected all of us. I remember as children our biggest concerns were the size of our rooms and whether one was bigger than another. That may mean nothing to an adult, but kids don't have much and it means a lot to kids. From the experience I have with siblings visiting in my home I would have to say that I would definitely want to have some buy in from the kids for my sanity, just giving one sibling a single m&m more can start a fight so just imagine what a room would do.
post #23 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
I don't respect his parents though. They didn't take time to talk with their kid at all before going to view houses. Kitchen color, room size, those things you can't tell without the kid looking, but green can be checked with a series of worksheets.
Do we know that the parents didn't talk to their kids?
post #24 of 80
When we were hunting for our first house, there were *several* that we looked at more than once. One or two, we finally decided to put a bid on, only to find that there was already a bid going on. Even the house we eventually bought, we saw with our realtor at least twice.

When we moved, there's only about one house that we looked at more than once. We were looking for some difficult design considerations like accessibility, so that eliminated a lot.
post #25 of 80
No, my kids' opinions wouldn't matter to me at all. They are kids, they aren't paying the mortgage, and a house is a major investment. Kids tend to be reactionary about changes of this nature. They have no sense of the value of real estate or resale value.

I suspect that these people are using this as an excuse more than anything. Sometimes it's hard to come up with tactful reasons for why you don't like a house.
post #26 of 80
We took our 3yo with us when we did the first viewing of the houses we saw when looking for this one, mainly because seeing obvious dangers is much easier for me if she's there with me (like the one with 8 concrete steps onto the concrete patio, no railing and a clause in the deeds about not altering that - uh, no thanks! lol.

But we didn't take her to the second viewing and we didn't take her opinion into account, and i would only do so if she was ACTUALLY going to be paying the mortgage from the get-go - not "one day i'll have a job and pay digs towards the household costs" but "i was left £10000 by grandma and want to put it into this house". In all honesty if they don't like the kitchen colour or room size they can do well at school, get a great job, and buy their own house that they like.
post #27 of 80
I'd probably ask for their opinion with the understanding that their dad and I still have final say. They may point things out that we hadn't thought of, ya know.

Mostly though, having them around will influence my decision enough, I think. We're thinking of moving next year sometime. So, when looking at houses, I definitely consider my daughter's (and future children's) needs, including what her needs will be when she's a teen. That includes things like bedroom size for her and space for privacy, etc.
post #28 of 80
WE would take his opinion in stride. It would be a family discussion (within reason). I would want him to be happy with his new room etc. When we moved last spring from an apartment to a house (Still renting) DS was with us. At 2.5 sure he didn't a lot of input but we wanted him to see the potential of the backyard and see his new room. He loved it all and we were happy that he was happy.

If concerns were not structural but surface like paint, I would ask for suggestions of colours and ideas. My guess is that if the teens were part of the decision process then they were part of it from the beginning. After all...sure they may be off to college in a couple years but they still want a home to come back to.
post #29 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
We took our 3yo with us when we did the first viewing of the houses we saw when looking for this one, mainly because seeing obvious dangers is much easier for me if she's there with me (like the one with 8 concrete steps onto the concrete patio, no railing and a clause in the deeds about not altering that - uh, no thanks! lol.

But we didn't take her to the second viewing and we didn't take her opinion into account, and i would only do so if she was ACTUALLY going to be paying the mortgage from the get-go - not "one day i'll have a job and pay digs towards the household costs" but "i was left £10000 by grandma and want to put it into this house". In all honesty if they don't like the kitchen colour or room size they can do well at school, get a great job, and buy their own house that they like.
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.
post #30 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.
If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?
post #31 of 80
Considering how many posters were saying that when the kid contributes to the bills, they get some say? I sure see her logic.

In my situation, it's just the three of us and we're a team. I have final say, but their input is important to me as people who live in the same space, and who I hope will want to "come home" as the years go by.
post #32 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?
What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.
post #33 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.
I agree. I purchased our house when I was single - marriage and family were *not* on my radar. Just because dh doesn't have his name on the paperwork doesn't make it any less his home, though. He began making it his home the day he moved in. It makes it no less dd's home because she doesn't contribute to the mortgage payment (for that matter, neither do I anymore ). I guess that's the difference between living in a house and establishing a home.
post #34 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal85 View Post
I'd probably ask for their opinion with the understanding that their dad and I still have final say. They may point things out that we hadn't thought of, ya know.
The issues they bring up may be ones that I had thought of and discarded or may be completely different issues that I had not considered. Even if we still ended up buying the house, I would know in advance what issues would need to be addressed. Would I give my children veto power? Probably not. But we are all going to live there and preferences in one family member should not be completely ignored. From my perspective, children get so very little say in so much of their lives that when you have the opportunity to give the power, you should do so. That said, even if I rejected their input it would be a valuable lesson to them about compromise and weighing all parts of an option to decide. In this situation we also would point out the things that we, ourselves, were disappointed in with our choices so they did not feel like MOm & Dad always get what *they* want but ignore us.

We do the same with vehicle choices (well the car we use most as a family). While I have to drive it, they have to sit in it and if they have a serious objection, I want to hear it. I wish my Dad would have asked my sisters & my opinion before he bought a car where it was impossible for us to see out the back windows--- something he & my mom had no idea about. Once they realized it they understood why we were always fighting in the back seat of that car!

Quote:
Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post
What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.
ITA. I have always hated the "Well, when you have a job" or "When you pay the bills..." statement. The child has no other option. I have not worked for 11.5 years now, if DP said that I would be disgusted. For many decisions (kayak, house) I actually take my children's opinions at least, if not more so, into account than DPs--- they're actuall home more then him!
post #35 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.
Yeah, same boat, though i did put more than 30k down at purchase and my name is on the deeds. I guess it depends on how you view a house.

The houses i grew up in were my PARENTS houses. They were my home, yes, but they weren't my house. I consider it part of my job as a mother to make the house we live in my children's home, but it's not part of my job to make it their house.

THEIR house is the house THEY buy/rent, as adults. Perhaps for some that's an unclear distinction, but having lived in 15 houses in 29 years, and only owned one of them, yet had a home in every one, it's a clear distinction to me.

A home is a place where you feel loved, welcomed, safe and secure. It's where you can go to lick your wounds, where you rush with your good news, where you stride out from and come home to.

A house is bricks and mortar you pay for and care for, it might be a place where you make a home, or a place where others make a home (if you let it out). Buying it is a serious issue, for which you have ultimate responsibility. I wouldn't be here and NOT be on the deeds, either it's my house or not, regardless of whether it's my home or not.

Ultimately i do not make important purchases for myself and my DH to please my children. If i buy a house we can't really afford because my 14yo likes it will they be happy to be bankrupted if i can't pay for it? Who carries the can? Because here, it is me, and if i get the responsibility then i get the rights too. They will not be growing old here. They will be growing old wherever they make their own home, which is up to them. Who knows, perhaps it will be here if they inherit, but then they can always re-paint the kitchen if we're dead.

The house my DH and i buy is OUR house, it will be their home until they make their own home, but it will always be OUR house. Every family dynamic will look different, this is just how ours looks.
post #36 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
Do we know that the parents didn't talk to their kids?
For the kid who said the house wasn't green enough? Yes. If his/her view that the house needed to be ecologically friendly in areas X Y and Z had already been discussed prior to the parents going to view the home, the parents would have asked "and how about X Y and Z?" and wouldn't have bothered bringing the kid to see the house too.

There's no good way to know in advance if a kitchen is the right color ( on that one) or if a bedroom is quite the right size (seriously, even for rooms of identical size, where the windows are can make or break getting the furniture in place), so while I'm about not just getting some paint, I do understand that the parents would have thought the house worked until their child came to see the house.
post #37 of 80
I'd be willing to bet that they just don't want to tell you to your face so they're blaming it on the kids. We're selling a house right now and WOW are people strange about giving their opinions! Most will praise everything to us and then we get a report from the agentwith a long list of stuff they hated. Ad we've never even lived in the house, just flipping it, so why people are so afraid of offending is beyond me.
post #38 of 80
If they paid money towards it then yes they would have a say, outside of that not a chance and well I would never ask my child to help pay for a house. I would take certain things into consideration, however bottom line I am the parent and they will have to deal with whatever choices DH and I make when it comes to things like that. Besides he is military so its not like we have a lot of say as to where or how long we will be in one location.
post #39 of 80
Depends. Dh and I have looked at houses in another town, we could have moved about 5 years ago, but not now. Now the kids don't want to, they want to stay in the same schools, with the same friends, etc. Their opinion matters for that.

But if we decided to buy a house where the above was addressed? They wouldn't get a say.
post #40 of 80
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?
Well, my kids don't pay for the groceries either, but I do take their preferences into consideration.
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