Would you let your children influence your real estate decisions? - Page 4

[limabean]

I would give my kids' input some consideration, on important issues.

But if these people are letting their teens' dislike of something as trivial as paint colors affect their decision, then they just weren't that into the house to begin with, even if it appeared otherwise.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by VroomieMama

Yes and a lot of them backs out of the house because of wall papers too. Its an easy fix!!!

After going through the hassle of removing a simple wallpaper border from my ds's room a few years ago, there's no way I'd buy a house with more than the tiniest amount of wallpaper. That experience soured me on wallpaper forever!

I'm not sure I have much to add to the rest of this discussion that hasn't already been said. My kids would have minimal input in a homebuying decision. Alot of what I'd been looking for would revolve around what I would perceive to be their needs and even wishes. But I wouldn't be taking them to look at houses, except to take them to see something we were seriously considering. Which actually might be a really good idea just to see how they interact with the house. When my mom was househunting, she took a bunch of the grandkids to see one of the houses. When she saw 6-8 of her grandkids running all over the tiny front lawn, jumping off a retaining wall into the neighbor's yard, she knew buying that house would be a huge mistake!

[wife&mommy]

I would listen.

[Storm Bride]

I have my doubts that I'll ever be in the market for a house. That said, if I were in the market, my kids could influence my decision as they'd be living there, too. They wouldn't make my decision, and I certainly wouldn't decide whether or not to buy any given house based on the colour of the paint or the pattern of the wallpaper.

[noobmom]

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

Here's what else is bothering me- when I was a teen and we were house hunting I knew my parents had a limited budget and the homes we were looking at were modest at best. I was happy at the prospect of having a "regular" house in a regular neighborhood, not one that was income property, with strangers living above us in the two apartments we had to rent out to make ends meet.

Life has been good to me and our life is comfortable. Our current home, frankly, is quite nice and for teenagers to be complaining about room size irks me- the rooms are hardly small and heck there are 6 of them to choose from so give me a break. They just sound spoiled. And I won't go into the property's ammenities but let's just say that if my teenage self had seen this place out on a house hunt I would have thought my parents hit the lottery and didn't tell me.

Again, just venting I suppose. Hearing these remarks just makes me remember my own experience house hunting as a teen and just makes me think these kids haven't a clue about the real world.

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You're interested in selling your house and it doesn't matter who you sell it to (within reason, I'm guessing you wouldn't want it to go to drug dealers or the like). They're buying a house and, unless they're under some kind of time pressure, they are going to be picky and keep looking until they find the right house for them. Try not to take their comments personally, whether they come from the adults or the teens.

[Linda on the move]

My kids are 11 and 13 and we are currently house hunting. They have a say. It's their house too.

Originally Posted by mtiger

In my situation, it's just the three of us and we're a team. I have final say, but their input is important to me as people who live in the same space, and who I hope will want to "come home" as the years go by.

this. It's about respect. Dh and I make a lot of decisions and we will make the final decision, but we value our kids input and point of view.

Originally Posted by BarnMomma

Our current home, frankly, is quite nice and for teenagers to be complaining about room size irks me- the rooms are hardly small and heck there are 6 of them to choose from so give me a break. They just sound spoiled.

That's about you, not about them.

We looked at a lovely home a few days ago that one of our kids didn't like because of the size of the bedrooms. We measured the room in question, and then later measured her room. We took her concern VERY seriously and treated her with respect.

For someone else to say that my child is "spoiled" for voicing a concern would be insulting. You don't know why that family is looking for a house, how their child feels about moving, etc.

Originally Posted by mamadebug

It isn't so much that the child didn't earn the money, but that they would not understand the responsibility, implications and long term investment of a home being purchased.

I don't know how any one expects kids to learn about these things unless they talk to them and include them in the process.

We've talked to our kids about how much we can spend, and how we need to figure in different amounts for upkeep/utilities etc. depending on what sort of house we choose. We've talked about how the age of the home plays in, a one-story vs a two story, the size of the lot, the commute time etc.

To me, it seems beyound foolish to say that parents shouldn't include their teens. How else will they learn? It is partly because they don't understand that we include them! Not including teens in decision making is a recipe for raising adults who can't make decent decisions.

Besides, this isn't just a financial decision. It's a decision about Home.

Originally Posted by noobmom

They're buying a house and, unless they're under some kind of time pressure, they are going to be picky and keep looking until they find the right house for them. Try not to take their comments personally, whether they come from the adults or the teens.

Agreed. It's a buyers market (in most places). People can be picky.

My advice (having sold several houses) is to not be there when people look. It's not fun to hear any one of any age say what they don't like about your house.

I hope your house sells quickly! I HATE having a house on the market.

[seriosa]

Linda on the move - I agree with just about everything you said. Overall, when DH & I were house hunting we made the first choices as to what we could afford, location, all the practical considerations. That still gave us more than one house to look at. After that, I would agree that everyone who lives there should have their opinion considered. Among the 3 or 4 houses that DH & I would equally have considered albeit with our personal preferences, our son's opinion (he was 3 at the time, but the principle holds) did matter. He doesn't like his room? That is very important to me in making my choice. Not green enough. I hear him. Paint? well, not a problem. He needs to feel, as much as DH & I do, that it is his home.

[mattemma04]

No, I probably wouldn't let my kids have the final say,but would discuss any issues they brought up. My kids like our current home,but I bet they would like something about any other home we would buy since I would get something similar(but better).

It is hard to meet the needs of EVERYONE in a family,but we do try to get as close as possible to making everyone happy.We spend A LOT of time at home so we don't want *attitude* 24/7,lol.

[treeoflife3]

When I was a sophmore in high school, my mom and step dad were looking to buy a new house as they had just gotten married. they fell in love with a house literally just outside my and my brothers school district (I mean, the next house over was in ours.. it was that close) but they decided to keep looking because they knew how important it was, especially to me, that I didn't have to change schools (again actually... I went to 5 different elementary schools)

I was actually willing to change schools or we were talking about how to make it work by saying I was living with my grandpa (or even live with him during the week if necessary as the distance wasn't far) but they decided to just look within the school district. It was a big deal to me not to have to start all over getting to know a new place and try and make friends and I'm glad they took that into such consideration to even turn down a pretty awesome house.

I would take that same kind of consideration with my own kids while house hunting, but I wouldn't turn down a house for minor things like color or room size or view from the window. Those aren't all that important in the long run AND can be worked around in most cases. I wouldn't buy a house next to a dump but if my kid didn't like the view out her window beacuse of a big tree, we could always put in a window planter and bird houses to make the tree view more interesting. We could do loft beds to make a bedroom seem bigger... I'd be more concerned with location of the house and the set up of the house. I won't move into a house where brother and sister have to share a room becaues of how awkward that can be as they get older but if everything they NEED fits into their room, then its just a matter of finding awesome organization solutions. I've seen small spaces turned into amazingly brilliant spaces so they can deal.

So yeah, I'd take my children's opinions into consideration, but only to a point. Especially if they are teenagers who won't be home much longer, some things just aren't going to be high on my priority list while house hunting. I want them to be comfortable and happy, but there are ways to make that happen in a home they might not like at first glance as much as I do.

[dmpmercury]

I wouldn't let their opinion on paint color or room size affect my decision. I would take feelings into consideration but they won't affect the final decision. I would hope room size wouldn't be a concern to my kids because I want to keep things simple and teach them how to live with less. We get around size with design. If my kid was considering how green a house was I would be damn proud and know I taught them well.

[Marsupialmom]

No, they would not have that kind of say. If the complained about the neighborhood I would consider.

[StephandOwen]

We will probably be moving in a few years. But for now we take walks around our neighborhood and go look at the houses that are being built (our neighborhood is being developed *very* quickly so there are tons of houses/townhomes being put up right now). On the ones that aren't quite finished yet we go in and look around. We explain to ds what rooms are what and he tells us his opinion. When we do start looking seriously at houses, I imagine we will take him (at least to houses we are seriously considering). We found one house last week that ds loved because it had a little mini room off of the bedroom that would be his. It wasn't a closet (it had one of those too). It was just kinda a bonus room. He loved it and said he wanted to buy that house so the mini room could be my bedroom... right next to him DP, apparently, was going to get the big master bedroom all to himself

[paquerette]

I would take my children's opinion very seriously. I want to buy a house as a forever home for us, and then them. I am a big fan of keeping a home in the family for generations instead of doing the whole "starter home" and then move up every few years that seems to be all the rage. I want roots, permanency, memories. So in light of that, they'll likely be living in it longer than I will.

[lach]

When I was a teenager, my parents bought a house without my sister or I even seeing it or knowing they were going to buy it! We were somewhere between very confused and very annoyed. It was a bank owned property and they got quite a steal. I was NOT HAPPY with our first walk through: it was night and the house had no electricity, plus was old and creepy and the previous owners had trashed it. So I saw my new home by the light of a flashlight as all the wildlife scurried out of our way.

It did all work out: it turned out to be an amazing house, once it was no longer falling down. And it was the deal of the century. So I understand their reasons. But I don't think I would do that to my kids without really good reason. I want it to be their home too.

On the other hand, when they had to move again when I was 18, my mother and I went on a preliminary househunting expedition. And saw a place so amazing and so dirt cheap I convinced my mother to take it right then and there. So their next house they bought without my father even seeing it! We did mail pictures back to him...

[sapphire_chan]

Came across this today and thought of this thread:
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20100719

[lyterae]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

That said, if I were in the market, my kids could influence my decision as they'd be living there, too. They wouldn't make my decision, and I certainly wouldn't decide whether or not to buy any given house based on the colour of the paint or the pattern of the wallpaper.

This. We won't be looking to buy for a few more years, we need to wait until we re-gain the equity in our current home. Because we have children that will influence our wants/desires in a house, but they won't make the decision for us.

For example, if we didn't have children I wouldn't be as concerned about things like safe outdoor play space or how easily I can put gates up on stairs, etc.. The next time we move DD will most likely be 7 or 8, I imagine that she will get some say in our new home.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by VroomieMama

Yes and a lot of them backs out of the house because of wall papers too. Its an easy fix!!!

Originally Posted by Laurel

After going through the hassle of removing a simple wallpaper border from my ds's room a few years ago, there's no way I'd buy a house with more than the tiniest amount of wallpaper. That experience soured me on wallpaper forever!

This. Wallpaper is... well, not a DEALBREAKER for us, but having watched and helped my parents fight the wallpaper battle, and then the fix-the-walls battle, it would have to be a pretty amazing house at a pretty amazing price for me to consider a house with anything more than an inconsequential amount of wallpaper. I will never, ever wallpaper a room. Ever. E.V.E.R. It took two full kitchen renovations to un-do all the wallpaper damage. You just never know how sloppily it was put up.

As to the OP... I think kids should be allowed to voice an opinion, and that opinion should be taken seriously, but "the kitchen is painted an icky color," is something that, in my opinion, is something I'd respond to with, "OK, is there any way we could fix that?" Because... uh, kid? Painting is relatively easy and inexpensive. Bedroom size is a consideration, but it's something I'd consider BEFORE showing the house to a kid. I mean, yeah, Teeny McTeenybopper might think she's due a master-sized bedroom suite, but really... adolescent brains can distort average-sized bedrooms into "OMG SO TINY HOW WILL I EVER LIVE HERE WTH ARE YOU DOING TO ME MOM?!?!?!?!"

The thing is, as adults, we need to consider not just what kids WANT, but what they need. So yeah, Joey wants a bigger room. But this house has a large, fenced backyard, is close to good schools, and the price and lack of renovation required will allow Mom and Dad to save money for his college education. Junior is then owed an explanation of how, taking his (and the rest of the family's) needs AND wants into consideration, despite his objection over the bedroom size, they've opted to buy the house. Now how can we make the situation more acceptable?

So... opinion, yes. Input, yes. Decision-making, deal-breaking power? Probably not, though considerations like moving schools and leaving friends carry more weight... but that's all stuff I'd consider before even SHOWING a kid a house.

We're lucky. We're buying a house and DS's opinion on it (we drove by and pointed to it for him) is "Blue house! Got a big tree! Look... a brown van!" Which I guess, when you're two, is a vote of approval and then a lack of attention span.

He is (and his unborn sibling as well, I guess), let's be honest, the biggest factor in our house-buying decisions. But taking his needs into consideration is very different than pandering to his ever whim... and while it'd be different if he were older, the premise would be the same.

[buttercup784ever]

I think the things the teenagers had problems with were valid. She didn't say that they didn't like the PAINT color. She said she didn't like the color. That could mean the countertops, cabinets, flooring etc. Those are not an easy fix. And whether or not a house is "green" or not is, I think, a really important issue. And even if YOU don't care what the teens' opinions are, their parents obviously do or they wouldn't have asked.

It doesn't seem to me that anyone here is advocating letting their children have final say in which house to buy. Like most people above, I listen to my kids' wants, prioritize those with our family's needs, and try to find something in our price range we could all live with. If I had several houses to choose from, I'd definitely have my kids see them and help make the decision. That doesn't mean I wouldn't voice MY opinion.

I really think the parents that say, 'it's my money, my decision' are making a mistake. It just seems like such a self-centered thing to say. It's not your children's fault that they don't have money yet or knowledge about the real estate market. I'm not saying you should buy a house on a fault line because your kid loves the view from his room! I just don't understand how you could look your child in the face and say, 'your opinion doesn't mean anything to me'. Are these the same parents that say 'because I said so'?

[zebra15]

I am looking for a new rental and while its not a purchase so its not as permanent its still $$, I am taking DS's opinions. There is nothing worse than an unhappy child.....

[Bellabaz]

If my kids had genuine, valid concerns then yes I would absolutley take them into consideration. Paint color is not a valid concern to me as it is pretty easily changable. Paint color is not a deal breaker for me period.

That said, I am sorry that it will be taking longer to sell your house. Its always hard to have your hopes up and then be disappointed.