|I'm sure it's tough to AP parent two children at the same time. But I'm looking at it more from the point of view of the children, I guess.
Me too. Like when one is crying and I am trying to tend to the other. Or when one needs me... ME... no one else.. and I have to put them off or distract them because I'm doing something with the other. Or when one wants to read and have quiet time and the other wants to run around and play horsey with me. Now that dd and ds are almost 2, it's gotten so much easier in this regard, and is probably not much different from the experiences of moms with two children close in age (a 1 year old and an 3 year old for example). But many times, many many times during the first year to year and a half, it was heartbreaking not to be able to meet the needs of both of them. It's such a basic part of mothering, and almost every day I and other mothers of multiples fell short. Go check out the Parenting Multiples board - there are several great threads about coping with twins and being AP with twins.
Look, I think the whole twins fantasy thing is pretty common, and obviously you have very ingrained and deep running reasons for only wanting to have twins if you have more than one child.
But, as much as I am nuts about my two, it's just a completely unnatural, for lack of a better word, way to parent. I read somewhere that for the majority of human existence, the naturally occuring incidence of twins was between 1 and 3 in 100. And of those twin pregnancies, fewer than 30% resulted in both babies alive and well. A baby born just a few weeks early can have such severe latch on problems and too-sleepy-to-eat problems (and that's assuming they're completely healthy) that they just won't nurse enough for nourishment. Add to that TWO babies born that early (or earlier) and you have the situation anthropologically where the mother was forced to chose ONE.... ONE baby to focus all of her energy and effort (and milk) on. For every story you have of a mom who had a healthy pregnancy and delivered healthy babies at 40 weeks weighing 6 pounds each or whatever... you have 9 stories of preterm labor, long weeks of complete bedrest, heavy duty toxic tocolytic medications, one twin developing well and the other not, stress and worry every waking minute, premature delivery, crash c-sections, weeks-long long NICU stays, brain bleeds, cerebral palsy, apnea monitors, reflux, inability to nurse, feeding problems, oral aversions, failure to thrive, allergies, asthma, respiratory dysfunction, vision disorders (e.g., ROP), hearing problems, developmental delays, lifelong disabilities, AND/OR death of one or both twins.
But on a more philosophical level, everything.... every tiny little mothering instinct I have up to major decisions and behaviours... everything I have ever been taught about mothering to the pure animal mothering instincts... it all presupposes that I have one dear sweet little baby to focus on in the early months. You and I and others are not here today because having twins was a good way to ensure the survival of the species. We are here today inspite of that.
I got pregnant with my twins by accident. It runs strongly in my mom's family... as far back as my mother's great-grandma. Even though 5 generations of various women in my family have had twins, mine are the first to survive.
My mother's aunt had nothing but twins... three sets in a row. She is childless.