we considered this for a bit, but then after reading a bit about breastfeeding just in the context of what it will entail for me, we immediately thought of all these reasons it would be more trouble than it's worth. but we also thought that we were the only people in the world to consider this idea. i certainly didn't expect to come across a thread on here about it! it's a while still before we have to decide, so in case she really wants to, it seems like a good time to find more out about it.
here were our concerns: i am going to be a stay-at-home-mom, and she works full time. it's okay for me to be woken up a lot of times throughout the night, and sleep-deprived, because i'll be able to nap in the day. i don't need to pump b/c i'm home and can offer the breast whenever baby is hungry. we're really lucky that i don't have to work, b/c this setup makes it all so easy. but if my wife wants to also breastfeed, if she pumps enough to get her supply up, then feeds at night, won't that cause my supply to dwindle unless i switch to pumping in the night? won't that cause both of us to get poorer sleep, since now she's waking up when previously she wouldn't have to, and i'm waking up far more than i'd have to b/c i've got to hook myself up to a damn machine? if she only BFs a bit here and there, how will she keep up her supply? it seems like whichever one of us is not BFing will have to be pumping to keep up supply, which just seems like a lot of trouble. if my wife only BFs a little bit sometimes, does it add that much to their bond, to be worth all this extra hassle? i mean, i don't think it'll be a hassle for me, b/c the ONLY thing i'm going to be doing with my life is preparing for, and then birthing, and then being parent to, a baby. that IS my life right now. but my wife works full time. i wonder if we will have greater enjoyment and relaxation in the time we spend together as a family if we don't have to stress over both breastfeeding. but if it's not stressful, if it's easy, and sweet, and bonding, then it would be awesome. it's just hard to know. i would really like to hear your guys' thoughts on these things.
i feel like i sound like i already have preconceived of this as a bad idea, but i think that's just because i am listing the reasons we are disinclined to do it, versus the reasons we think it would be awesome. also, i feel like it's my job to research the how-to-make-and-care-for-a-baby stuff b/c that's part of my full-time job (preparing for parenthood) right now. it seems really easy and convenient to come to the conclusion, and just report to the wife, yeah, let's not bother. but i'm not the one missing out on BFing, and i have really no idea how much that will affect how she feels. i thought i was being sweet and bought her this book called "the other mother" which is about the experience of the non-bio partner in lesbian parent couples, and that turned out to be a huge mistake. it only stressed her out and made her feel all depressed and left out and now she's fairly convinced she will feel somewhat less than a full parent to the kid, which is especially shitty b/c she has wanted a kid the whole time we've been together, and i did, then didn't, and now in the last year or two have started wanting a kid again (i think it's partially our age difference). i want to be super incredibly sensitive to this, and i feel like learning all i can about the possibility of us both breastfeeding is one thing that might help. but i also want to be pragmatic. it isn't smart to do something that will help my wife feel better if it's not also in the best interest of the kid. we don't want to do it if it would in any way cause the kid to wean earlier, for instance. lots to think about, obviously.
i should also add that the wife would, if it made sense, carry the child, and BF, herself. but she is really into her career, and i have the time and ability to parent full-time, so it just makes sense for me to be the one to get pregnant. i have had step-parents and have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you don't have to have a biological component to feel fully family-bonded with a person. i know i would feel like the kid was both of ours if she gave birth. but i also understand she isn't secure in this feeling for herself. so i do feel a little guilty that i will be taking this opportunity when it's possible she wants it more. but this is just our situation, so this is how we're going to do it. anyway, enough with my long, rambling story. i want to hear all of your long, rambling stories!!!