Going back on meds...

[mom0810]

So, I have made the decision. I need them. I hate that I need them, but I do.

My anxiety is so bad, sometimes I just want a way out. I would never leave my kids, but sometimes it seems like such a relief, the thought of not FEELING anything anymore. I would never do it, don't get me wrong... I'm just saying the need for relief is very strong. Does that make sense?

I have been off of zoloft for over a year. I stopped taking it because I was gaining weight. Here I am a year later and I've GAINED MORE weight because I eat when I am stressed. So much for that idea. I actually think I will lose weight on meds because I won't feel the need to eat out of stress/anxiety anymore.

I've had a stressful couple of weeks, which maybe is a blessing because it made me see that I probably would enjoy my life so much more on meds... when I take them I feel happy and relaxed and I am able to get things done... without them I am paralyzed by anxiety and worry... I only eat certain foods because they are "safe" and I only do certain things and really cling to my home and my couch and bed because they are "safe". I can't think straight without meds... ADD type of stuff. My house is disorganized, my life is disorganized and I have no desire to be anywhere near my husband... this needs to change.

I have been doing CBT for four years. Some of that ON meds, some of it off. Off meds for the last year, the therapy is very hard to work and I am just. so. tired. I feel exhausted by the constant work of facing my fears. I feel worried and scared all the time. It's a roller coaster that I so need to get off.

Anyone who reads this, thank you for doing so. Support would be great. Negative stuff about meds... please don't. I've heard it all. I may have even SAID some of it. But the bottom line is, for me, life is just way too hard without them. I'm tired. I need to get some help.

[Surfacing]

Mom0810 it's such a personal decision and our experiences are so individual given where we are in time, what our physiology is, etc.

So I am here as a supportive voice because I understand what it's like not to be able to cope with life without meds. It can make such a huge difference and you can feel sooo much better. You deserve to be happy. There is nothing wrong with you, it's not your fault. If you need some help, you need some help. I think it's a sign of strength to go ask for that help and get it if you need it.

I too am familiar with therapy being so much harder, with life being so exhausting etc without adequate meds on board.

Knowing your history on this board, it's pretty apparent to me that you are making an informed decision, having enjoyed the benefits and consequences of being on meds before.

I wish you relief and improvement quickly!

Is your dh supportive? Does he know how you've been struggling?

[mom0810]

Hi,

Yes, my dh is incredibly supportive and even has been going to therapy WITH me for the past 6 months or so, to try and understand my OCD and anxiety. He has never told me I need to go back on meds, but when I brought it up to him it seemed like a big relief to him that I am thinking about it. He must have been thinking I needed them for a while... and never said anything to me because it's my choice.

I feel better and better about the decision now... although it's really hard to think I may need meds forever.

[Surfacing]

It's good to hear that your dh is supportive.

You never know, this is a very stressful stage of life with young kids, etc. Things may change when stresses lessen... or they may not... be gentle with yourself.

[LynnS6]

I went back on meds when I got pg with our second (actually just before, I probably wouldn't have gone on them had I known I was going to get pregnant). It was one of the smartest things I've done.

6 years later, I'm still on a very very low dose of the meds. I had pretty bad PPD with ds, PMDD afterwards and very bad pregnancy depression. The meds have given me the space and 'brain power' to deal with my issues. I've had a very stressful 6 months, and my ability to cope is great. I've only had 1 breakthough anxiety episode, and I dealt pretty quickly.

So, I think it sounds like it might be time for you. Your brain needs to heal. CBT + meds should be a pretty powerful combination.

[lisasaurus]

chiming in to offer you tons of support. i can relate so much to your post. i hate being on meds too, i hate that it may be for ever. but whats the alternative? you are making a good choice for yourself and your family. hang in there, mama! we're here for you!