Pacifiers?

[SollysMom]

Wasn't sure if I should post this here or in Breastfeeding (and then which sub-forum) so I just posted here.

I'm wondering what others' thoughts on pacifiers are. I don't think they're the devil and won't go near them, but I admit I never wanted to have a "binky baby". My baby (5m/o) is exclusively breastfed, nurses great, growing great, never had latch problems. We introduced a pacifier a few months ago just for the car because he is MISERABLE in the car, but he didn't really like it right away. Now it does help a bit, and I have no problem using it just in the car.

Last night I got the baby to sleep and gave him to DH to hold while I put DS1 to bed, and when the baby woke crying DH slipped the pacifier in his mouth and it got him back to sleep (DH removed it after, didn't leave it in his mouth). It's the same as if I was in bed with him and nursed him back to sleep, basically. So today, I tried it during a nap when he woke too soon and I couldn't lay down with him because DS1 was tearing the house apart, and again it worked like a charm.

I hate the idea of having him dependent on a pacifier for sleeping, especially because I know it will be hard to get rid of later. Then again, DS1 is almost 32 months and still dependent on nursing for sleep (nature's pacifier LOL). In theory I'd rather my children be dependent on me than an artificial nipple, but in reality, I now have two children who need me and will probably have more in the future.

ETA: Forgot to mention that DS2 does suck his thumb as well, which I have no problem with. For some reason though he doesn't seem to want to suck it when he sleeps (when he's tired, yes).

[Boot]

I'm conflicted about pacifiers too but both my children still have them. DS didn't have one until 5 months when he got his first tooth. Before that he was dependent on my little finger to get to sleep. At 3 he still has his 'dummy' for sleeping and is very attached to it. DD is 3 months today and I gave her a dummy at about 7 weeks I think. She was also addicted to my finger but I couldn't devote all that time to letting her suck it because of DS. So I caved and gave her a dummy too. I have to say it makes life much easier. She goes to sleep on her own for naps and at night with no fussing. During the night she is in bed with me and we don't use it. I don't bring it with us if we're out and about either. My plan is to try to ditch it by 6 months but I don't know how realistic that is. My thought is that by then she should be able to suck her fingers/ thumb if she wants to. Some kids are just more 'sucky' than others.

If you want my advice, I would say go with what works for now. With two children you need all the help you can get! Worry about bad habits later.

[WildinTheory]

I'm conflicted to. On the one hand I think it probably allowed me to do CLW with my DS. He's just 3 1/2 and recently weaned (although that was mostly due to my pregnancy) but before that was down to once a day or so. At the same time, I think I would have went mad from 12 months on if I had to do hours of comfort nursing. He would feed and then ask for his soother. It worked for both of us.

The downside? He's still really attached to it at 3 1/2 for going to sleep and in the early morning when he wakes up. I'm all about letting him move on from things when he's ready but at the same time I can't help but worry about how hard of a process letting go of it is going to be.

So no wise advice, but with two kids I would go with what works and trust that you're kids will move on when they are ready. (At least that's what I'm trying to do).

[Shanny2032]

I have no conflict - I believe babies need and want to suck to varying degrees and that I live in the real world where I cannot be sucked on 24/7. dd had a paci and breast at about the same time - 12 hours old - for a variety of reasons between the 2 of us. I took it away cold turkey at 9 months when I believed that the real "need" for constant sucking was not as strong as when she was a young infant. I did so because I saw what we were goign through with the girl I nanny for - 1 year older and my niece - 2 years older, and thought it will only get worse/harder so let's just do it. I quickly turned into the human pacifier (and still am to some degree at 17 months). there are certainly moments where I think I'd love her to still have it but I think what we did was right for us - have it as an infant but take it away before toddlerhood. And I have to say, how nice for you to get a break after getting them both down that you can pop the binky in instead of having to lay down and start the nursing all over again...it must be so hard with 2. I knwo some days with 1 I just want someone else (or something else in this case) to be able to do what I do!

[ann_of_loxley]

It really depends on the baby...some are 'sucky' and some are not (and until you have a sucky baby, you really don't know what its like! lol).
Both my boys seemed to start off with 'the finger'!...But eventually I needed my finger back. DS1 took a soother no problem. This one won't - which is actually really annoying me because he wants to suck - and whilst he will take a boob - he doesn't want the milk that it comes with when he just wants to suck for comfort! lol...(which results in him swallowing it and throwing it up or him just getting really annoying with me - resulting in needing my heavy rocking to sooth him back to sleep!) ...Would also be really handy for the car! At least I can't drive so I sit in the back with him with my finger in his mouth!!! lol ...But seriously...

I hate the idea of having him dependent on a pacifier for sleeping, especially because I know it will be hard to get rid of later.

Why do you have to get rid of it?

Like with breastfeeding...children do eventually give it up! There is nothing wrong with a soother. A good orthodontic one should not be a problem. If you are offering it to your child for comfort, then really it should be up to them when they no longer need that comfort - not you. Wouldn't be nice if someone else decided for you when you no longer needed your comfort (no more chocolate for you, no more hot baths, no may laying in all snuggly with a very soft blanket....etc - We all have our comforts!). My DS1 eventually did give up his soother on his own shortly after he turned two with no coercion or anything of the sort from me. He did it all by himself. If he still had it now at 4, I wouldn't really care - cause if he still had it, that tells me he still needs it.

[SollysMom]

Thanks for the replies. I've continued to use it as needed for naps and it is helpful. He goes to sleep without it (I wear him to sleep then put him in bed) but when he wakes I can just go back and pop the binky in his mouth, instead of having to lie down and nurse him... which is what I always had to do with DS1 and had been doing with DS2. It's also convenient at night when I'm putting DS1 to bed, because I give DS2 to my husband already asleep and he keeps the binky nearby just in case. Before, if DS2 woke while I was back with DS1, DH wouldn't be able to get him back to sleep most times.

ann_of_loxley, you're totally right about letting him give it up when he's ready. If I'm okay letting my children self-wean from the breast, I don't see why a pacifier should be any different.

[lifeguard]

I felt so conflicted about them with ds. Turns out he was really not interested (he's never been much of a comfort sucker) but there was a period of about 2 months just after we moved (& suddenly increased the amount of time spent in the car) that it was a lifesaver.

Imho soothers become problematic when a child "needs" it all. the. time. Perhaps it's unfair of me but I do think a toddler that needs to have it in their mouth all day long is overuse of a soother. During times that they would otherwise comfort nurse I see as appropriate. But obviously not everyone feels this way.