Cheering oneself up...

[Rosehip]

How do you do it? I don't really mean big picture stuff, but in the moment, when what you'd really like most is a partner to support you when you're down in the dumps. This should be a really exciting happy week around here - my nephew was just born & I finished my last day of my graduate program (graduation is next week). But instead, it's turned into an emotional hot mess because of some crap between me & my mom (I live with my parents). It was partly my fault, partly her fault and a big dose of "emotions running high/time of big transitions." I've apologized, tried to talk to her, but no dice. I'm getting the cold shoulder, and I anticipate there will be no thaw for quite a while. She's really & truly angry & hurt.

So, since I live here, I can't very well just "give her space" to any real degree. And because I live here, talking to friends gets complicated because I don't want to drag them into something when they see her a lot. Plus, I really don't like calling friends to unload on them - there's nothing they can do. It's just put a damper on the whole week, and next week and makes me really, really want a partner with whom I could curl up and just be a little sad until it lifts. I so crave that emotional intimacy.


Anyone else have these moments? I know this too shall pass, but how do you make yourself feel a little better?

[rosadesal]

I read, or write, or go for a walk. Anything to remind me to slow down and breathe. Distraction. I lived with my family on and off over the last two years and there were nights where I literally almost felt panicky, anxiety-ridden and I would just lay there as still as I possibly could with a cold towel on my face. Obviously that's not as serious as your situation, but it was helpful. Now, I live with a married couple and sometimes the single mom thing really hits home (like tonight when my dd is w/her dad and my housemates are here on the couch with their dd). I will usually read the blogs I save that inspire me, or write, or take a long hot shower...little things that I don't get to do when dd is around. I look for comfort in myself because I don't know when I'll have a partner and I'm not really interested in looking (mostly because when I have looked, I haven't found much more than late-twenty-something men who can't get their crap together...ha). Sometimes, like tonight, I come here and I read through all of the other single mom stories. Sometimes I talk to a friend.

*hugs*

[Holland73]

In the midst of a bad moment, I just try to find quiet and sit with my thoughts and feelings.

I am working on my meditation practice, so I try to use a lot of those techniques to give me a break from the yuckiness too.

Additionally, I have a couple of mantras I use to keep it all from consuming me.

Try a couple of different things and see what works best for you.

[simplemama32]

I get lost in a book or a movie for a little while...lush, historical pieces really seem to take me away. I go for a drive or a walk (slow or fast, depending on my mood...er, the walking...I try not to go too fast in the car, LOL!) and really turn up the music and rock out. ;-)

Many times, playing with DS and getting really silly and giggly works miracles. Be as loving and gentle with yourself as you would with a friend or partner...draw yourself a bubble bath with candles, indulge in your favorite beverage or snack, journal, that sort of thing. Sometimes I'll go to a few blogs (or anything comic...a funny newspaper columnist, etc.) guaranteed to make me laugh and lift my spirits. Sometimes I'll take myself on a date with my camera ;-), and just take pictures of anything and everything. It helps me really focus in on the little things and gets me out of my own head for a bit.

Hugs!

[simplemama32]

Just remembered this and had to come back and add links to these two blogs. Both are single women, though not mothers, and I find them alternately entertaining, inspiring, and comforting.

http://www.susannahconway.com/2010/0...ou-step-three/ (link to one post in a great series)

http://wonderingsandwanderings.wordp...the-beginning/ (very funny blog, in general, but this link is to the first post in one of my favorite travel tales...the beginning of her solo trip through a bit of England, then Spain, Italy, and somewhere else I can't remember.)

Enjoy!

[muse]

I've had an intense week, with similar feelings coming up. This is a big time of transitions and relationships issues - astrologically, seasonally, however you want to look at it.
Practical stuff that helps me keep going,

- gardening
- walks
- yoga
- nature
- meditation

but mostly I am really truly learning what it means to be *with* the feelings and let go into them, not try and transform them or do something with them. also learning to be with these things *alone* and not keep turning to friends or distractions in the hard moments. so challening but i believe i'm just getting stronger by the day...

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by muse

but mostly I am really truly learning what it means to be *with* the feelings and let go into them, not try and transform them or do something with them. also learning to be with these things *alone* and not keep turning to friends or distractions in the hard moments. so challening but i believe i'm just getting stronger by the day...

This is also something I am working on.

In fact, one of my mantras is Buddha's quote, "Look not for refuge to anyone besides yourself."

[Rosehip]

Thanks all! Learning to live with the feelings is a good idea, as are the others. I think I struggle most with the setup of the living situation. This house is NOT designed for intergenerational living. It's very open, so I can't really be off by myself. You can pretty much hear everyone in the house, no matter where you are, including my bedroom. I would kill for a little privacy, and I'm acutely aware of how un-private it is because I clearly remember listening to my parents, in other rooms, talk about the problems with me when I was a teenager. Ugh. I guess I struggle with not having any respite from the family dynamic - my parents' personal issues, my parents' being exhausted by my kids, etc. I totally realize this is not easy for my parents either - they don't get a break from me & the kids...

Ok, I need a mantra!

[muse]

oh rosehip i totally forgot you *live* with your mom, how incredibly challenging! the most irritating and yet helpful mantra that everyone loves to give me since divorce: this too shall pass. it will change, somehow, we just can't see how right now....

holland, thankyou for that reminder!

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by muse

oh rosehip i totally forgot you *live* with your mom, how incredibly challenging! the most irritating and yet helpful mantra that everyone loves to give me since divorce: this too shall pass. it will change, somehow, we just can't see how right now....

Yes, you're right, thank you! Much of the time, I'm happy with/grateful for my living arrangement. It affords me a LOT of freedom, saves me a ton of money and has allowed me to pursue school. HUGE. But, there are also times, like these, when the down mood of the house gets to me. There's a lot of glumness as well as lack of warmth and intimacy here. Which really wears me down. Frankly, I can see that I chose in a husband someone who embodied the worst traits of my family of origin without any of their (many) strengths.

Today was my graduation, and really, the family mood was pretty in sync with the rainy weather. I have a hard time just carrying on being cheerful when other people (adults) just have no patience for enjoying the moment, being festive, enjoying others' company. A whole lot of toying with utensils over dinner going on here Sorry to be such a downer. I know this next week will be much, much better!