new SPD dx and AP parenting called into question

[BeantownBaby9]

HI everyone
My 22 mo old is a highly food allergic, low tone, speech delayed (was, now graduating) little guy and now the OT through early intervention says he has mild SPD, mostly auditory. So ok, I can accept that and I feel like the way we parent, warm and lovingly, not pushing, etc has helped him get this far. The therapist said though that things like babywearing, and cosleeping (even though its minimal now), and most importantly falling asleep with a parent need to go in order for our son to learn the coping skills to deal with his SPD. I mean, the OT made me felt like continuing to be AP would be doing a disservice to his progress and he wouldn't be equipped to deal with the overwhelming days because he can't "self soothe".....thoughts? experiences? Now I am starting to question if we are doing the right thing and I hate hate hate that. Help! Tia!

[joensally]

Don't know about your specific situation, but in principle...little people, particularly little people with sensory or other issues, need to be able to lean on their big people. IME, SPD can lead to reduced ability to cope and we can help them. Heck, for every little kid we can act as their pre-frontal cortex (decision making, CEO of the brain) when they're having a regular old meltdown. Example with OT: Kid's bouncing off the walls so you prompt them to do some heavy work to settle their sensory system down - that's AP.

Most of the OTs we've dealt with have tended to be pretty behaviour mod oriented.

[LynnS6]

I can't disagree more strongly with your OT.

I went to a talk on emotional development via our OTs office. One of the things that the speaker said (and I'm sorry, it was 3-4 years ago, and I don't remember who it was) was that children with self-regulation issues need their parents to help them with co-regulation longer than typically developing children. One of the features of SPD is that children have difficulty in self-regulation.

He won't be able to self-soothe, that's true. Why? He's 22 months. Darn few can. He's got difficulty with self-regulation, making self-soothing more difficult for him than your average 22 month old. You can't make him develop those skills faster by removing the scaffolding all at once.

Tell your OT to look into the work by Stanley Greenspan. Greenspan makes an excellent case for AP principles to help with emotional development.

I've got a 9 year old with SPD. The change in his ability to cope and self-regulate in the last 2-3 years (after we completed OT and after he's developed) has been tremendous. He was selectively mute at times as a 2-3 year old. This year he asked to do theater in the after school program this term. He'll never be an extrovert, he'll never be the life of the party, he may never have the starring roll, but he's willing to try.

I attribute his increased abilities largely to AP principles. That doesn't mean that we didn't gently push him at times. But when he needed us, we were there. We helped him fall asleep until he was 5-6. (We never carried him much as he hated being worn - he's a sensory avoider, and that was too much for him.) When he was 7 1/2, he went through a period of nightmares. We 'solved' the issue by having him come sleep next to our bed. He still comes in about once a month. I'm OK with that. He's much better able to recognize bad dreams as dreams. He's finally (after a year and a half) able to describe the dreams that were causing him trouble.

He needs help at times. More help than other kids. (He still can't cut his own meat, he just learned to tie his shoes.) But he's learning the skills he needs in his own time. That's AP.

[DoulaVallere]

Wow...my 36mo old still needs me to hold, cuddle, sleep with him, etc to help him calm down most days, and he is just a typical 2.5yr old. I can't imagine how much more he would need me if he had any sensory issues! I don't know ANY 22 mo old who wouldn't benefit from being worn and loved to sleep, much less one with SPD issues.

That advice seems completely backwards. Is she also pro-CIO? Sounds like the same thing "Leave them on their own and they'll learn how to cope". NOT healthy IMHO.

[KimPM]

My DS has SPD, and I can tell you that my AP parenting has really helped him. There have been many, many times when I've thought that if I had done a particular situation differently (in a non-AP way) he would have done SO much worse. He really needs me to help him calm down sometimes. And I'm seeing that he's getting to handle things a bit better now, plus he knows he can rely on me when he needs more regulation. He's slowly learning how to deal with his sensitivities and anxieties. It just takes time. It can't be forced on them overnight.

FWIW, our EI person said the same kind of stuff you're hearing. My DS has texture issues with eating, and he was having trouble tolerating any food in his mouth. The EI folks, and others, pretty much blamed me and how much he was breastfeeding, saying it was causing the problem and/or making it worse. Also the cosleeping comments. Ugh. I didn't believe them one bit. In fact, looking back I'm glad he was able to BF so much, as he wasn't getting nutrition anywhere else, and was not able to tolerate food in his mouth until we worked with him for months on play-based therapy. Can you imagine...breastfeeding causing texture aversion with food? I don't think so. Otherwise, all those other breastfeeding mamas would also be having serious trouble getting their LOs to eat. And I just wasn't seeing that at all.

So, be confident in how you are parenting, and press on! Close your ears to all the naysayers. If their therapy is not helping either, you might consider stopping that and finding another therapist, or simply dropping it altogether. We eventually went with a therapist that we paid out of pocket and got reimbursed some by our insurance. I looked specifically for a therapist that would work with our AP lifestyle.

[Stephenie]

My son's OT's were always very supportive of our AP practices. Sounds like someone's personal opinions are getting in the way of their professional ones.

[maybemom05]

Our OT is pretty AP friendly, and I feel like AP practices really worked well for our son.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go to a few appointments and see how things go - it's likely that you and the therapist can just agree to disagree on issues like co-sleeping, etc. (I just wouldn't mention it to her again, so long as it's working for you and your family) On the other hand, if, after a handful of appointments, you feel like it's just not a good fit, you can always try to get another therapist.

A word of warning re. occupational therapy - some of the activities, etc. WILL push your little one outside of his comfort zone, and he will probably react negatively. This has been super hard for me to watch, but a good therapist will do this kind of thing respectfully and kindly, etc. If it helps you, I feel like my little one has made ENORMOUS progress in just a few months of OT, and he is SO proud of his achievements. I think those few moments of discomfort have been worth it - at least in our case.

Good luck to you!!

[AnalogWife]

My DS has recently been dx'd with Autism Disorder and I can't imagine where we'd be if we weren't AP, I believe because of BW and co-sleeping (36 mos now and no plans to stop) DS is the cuddliest most affectionate child we know, and for being Autistic, I think that's pretty good. Others have already said it, don't second-guess what comes naturally to you, your little guy is only 22 mos old, he needs his mumma, I personally would find it very uncomfortable to work with that OT.

[BeantownBaby9]

Thank you so much ladies for your input. I so truly appreciate it. I feel so much better now. Luckily, we won't be working with her as an OT, they said its not significant enough to qualify for OT on a regular basis, just to watch for certain things and be aware, sort of thing. The OT is very nice, but I should have known when she said "SPD babies are one's that don't respond to Ferber" that she was coming from a completely different mindset. I bit my tongue there I have always been his haven when things get to be too much, and at night, because of the SPD I guess AND the fact that he's nearly 2, he needs a lot of parental input to fall asleep, sound and heavy work I guess you would call it. Hubby and I are happy to do that, we love doing that, and I even said during my appt, I didn't want to loose the warm and fuzzies I have with C$ because of this new dx. Thanks again, I knew coming here I could rely on you all for words of wisdom

[a-sorta-fairytale]

EVERY person who has worked with dd praised us for our parenting and talked about how our flexibility and unwillingness to get into battles over little things with her helped so much. Our OT said she wished MORE parents were like us.

[TzippityDoulah]

just b/c someone has an official titles doesn't make them the end all, be all, known it all of any given subject.

if you think that AP works for you then AP. AP just means you work to meet his individual needs.

perhaos you need to review YOUR goals for you child and review your Therapist's goals. maybe they don't match... you should talk it over and set up realistic expectations.

[2boyzmama]

I disagree, at least at age 22months!! I mean come on, he's not even 2!! He does need to learn to self soothe...eventually. Any typical 2 year old will go running to mommy if they get scared, that is NORMAL behavior. Your little guy might need more reassurance from mommy than a typical toddler, but you giving him that comfort/reassurance will HELP him cope with his environment, because he'll know that he has you to fall back on if needed.

Now, if you never left your house, avoided all things that were sensory overload to him, and changed your whole life to accomodate him, then I could see a therapist gently suggesting some changes. But all you're doing is providing him with a "safe place" (mom's arms) so he can unwind from a trying day. Heck, I want my husband to hold me in bed when I'm stressed/emotional/tired, and I'm an adult!! How is it different?

No...I think the OT is wrong.

I didn't have any issue with therapists commenting on my parenting, but I made it pretty clear that there were some things that were just plain non-negotiable. I WILL extended breastfeed, and our sleeping habits are not up for discussion until I want to discuss them (which I eventually did, I did get to the point where I was ready for a change, and I needed help deciphering what was a learned behavior vs a medical issue when it came to multiple night wakings). So maybe you can say something like "my husband and I discussed it, and we believe that we may be pushing son too hard too fast, he isn't even 2 afterall. So we're not ready to institute any sleep changes yet, when we are we will welcome your experiences!"

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by 2boyzmama

I disagree, at least at age 22months!! I mean come on, he's not even 2!! He does need to learn to self soothe...eventually. Any typical 2 year old will go running to mommy if they get scared, that is NORMAL behavior. Your little guy might need more reassurance from mommy than a typical toddler, but you giving him that comfort/reassurance will HELP him cope with his environment, because he'll know that he has you to fall back on if needed.

Now, if you never left your house, avoided all things that were sensory overload to him, and changed your whole life to accomodate him, then I could see a therapist gently suggesting some changes. But all you're doing is providing him with a "safe place" (mom's arms) so he can unwind from a trying day. Heck, I want my husband to hold me in bed when I'm stressed/emotional/tired, and I'm an adult!! How is it different?

No...I think the OT is wrong.

I didn't have any issue with therapists commenting on my parenting, but I made it pretty clear that there were some things that were just plain non-negotiable. I WILL extended breastfeed, and our sleeping habits are not up for discussion until I want to discuss them (which I eventually did, I did get to the point where I was ready for a change, and I needed help deciphering what was a learned behavior vs a medical issue when it came to multiple night wakings). So maybe you can say something like "my husband and I discussed it, and we believe that we may be pushing son too hard too fast, he isn't even 2 afterall. So we're not ready to institute any sleep changes yet, when we are we will welcome your experiences!"

This is so true!! My oldest has an auditory processing disorder, among other things. He would get so overtired and frustrated with having to try to translate all day long that he really needed the extra support in order to stay with us. He'd shut down otherwise, and there is a huge difference between shutting down and self soothing. You are doing a great job, and 22 months is so very young.