"Misbehaviors" from a baby

[bangerlm]

My baby is almost one, but she's been walking since 8/9 months and acts older than she is. Very independent and wants to do everything herself. Behavior I didn't see in my oldest until she was almost two. Anyways she is always hitting, pinching, pulling hair, etc. She has done this since she was really young 2/3 months old. It was relaxing for her to rip my hair out while she fell asleep.

But now she is getting older and laughs when it causes her older sister (3) to scream. (Luckily the three year old doesn't retaliate by hitting or pushing too often). I constantly try to redirect, tell her to be gentle and I take her hand to pat gently, or let her give me high fives. I demonstrate the difference between rough and gentle. But she is constantly going after her sister. I pick her up and move her to another room, try distract her, and she runs back to the other room to smack her sister in the head or pull her hair. She loves to hear her sister scream. She also takes her toys and runs off with them laughing in glee. Sometimes I try to turn this into a game where we chase her since that is what she enjoys, but my older daughter can only handle so much, and only enjoys the game if I pick her up while we chase the younger (tiring for me). She is very focused on what she wants and it is very hard to distract her.

Anyone have any other hints or ideas to make annoying her sister less fun? I just feel really hopeless because she is so young and that it will be a while before she is mature enough to understand why what she is doing is wrong.

[lookatreestar]

i have NO clue because this is our dynamic as well. my ds is constantly pinching/scratching/biting/hitting/throwing things at his sister. im constantly trying to get him to be gentle but sheeeesh its a lot of work. my dd doesnt often fight back either, just screams she was an early walker but very much laid back easy going baby/toddler. i'll be watching this thread

oh and its been this way since he started crawling. he does follow her around and looks at her so lovingly he is just SO rough (very close in age to yours 4/07 & 6/09). i just constantly try and tell/show him how to be gentle and use his words. and i make sure and explain to her that he is still learning how to be gentle and she is understanding most of the time. its hard because he is still a baby and he has just now started to connect things ie- if i run at her screaming and flailing my arms and hitting she will probably give me the toy i want. he just loves taking the blanket off of her while she is watching a movie/reading books. he does the steal the toy and run off thing too

and my ds has always loved pulling hair and pinching/scratching since he was a newborn!

[thedenverduo]

I don't know what your house setup is but could you get a baby gate that your 3 yo could open? If she has her own room/play room she could go in there and not have to worry about toys being stolen/hair being pulled. And then you could wait until you have the time to totally supervise the situation to let the 1 yo in there.

How is it when you are right there? Are you able to catch the hitting/hair pulling quickly and redirect? Or maybe if you're there watching and she hits her sister then you go out of the play area for awhile?

Just brainstorming. It really sounds like you're doing a great job with her and it will get easier as she matures.

[DevaMajka]

Ds2 is the same way (I was actually going to post a question sort of similar). He's 10.5mos and bites, scratches, pulls hair. And doesn't care one iota if I tell him not to do something (in a baby friendly way, of course). He was really mobile at a young age too.

I get that he's a baby, and I can't expect discipline to actually "work" yet, but jeez! he wears me out sometimes! Ds1 didn't start doing this stuff until he was past 1yo, and by that point he was already old enough to sort of "get it" discipline-wise (by that I mean, I didn't expect it to work, but I could tell that the wheels were turning, and there were times when he DID stop when I told him to).

I agree with the baby gate suggestion. We have one, and I'm sure that ds1 welcomes the break sometimes.

Other than that...I guess just keep trying, and she'll slowly get it? Doesn't make it easier in the meantime. I'll be

[Just1More]

My ds was very, very rough, too. And he always thought it was funny. He still does. (But, I will say, last night we were at store and dd2 was in the front seat of the cart. He was trying to push it with dh, and she was kicking him. He said, "Don't kick me. That hurts!" At least he's picked up the words to defend himself...)

Anyway, what helped with him was to do sensory activites. It could just be that your dc crave that rough physical connection. I don't belive ds has a true SPD, but the activities recommended were very helpful to him.

You could try looking some up (not much comes to mind offhand) and playing them with your dc. Maybe if you can meet the need on your terms, they won't seek it with their siblings?

[eepster]

I think a huge part of the problem is that she is having way too much fun with this. By turning the chase for the toy into a game you are encouraging her to steal toys. The ineffective redirection and running back to hurt her sister again and again is probably highly entertaining.

She is just a baby still, even if she is as mobile as a toddler, so you need to keep it very simple and clear. When she takes a toy pick her up, no fuss, no giggling, and give the toy back to DD1. Say "no, we don't grab." Keep you tone nuetral. If she returns to grab again repeat.

When she hurts her sister remove her from her sisters presence in a way that doesn't leave the possibility of running back to hurt her again open. Don't make a fuss, don't spend extra time with her, etc. If you could get DD1 to try not to react strongly in an entertaing manner that would really help, but probably isn't possible.

Remember, nothing you do will work over night. It is likely going to be a long struggle.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Just1More

My ds was very, very rough, too. And he always thought it was funny. He still does. (But, I will say, last night we were at store and dd2 was in the front seat of the cart. He was trying to push it with dh, and she was kicking him. He said, "Don't kick me. That hurts!" At least he's picked up the words to defend himself...)

Anyway, what helped with him was to do sensory activites. It could just be that your dc crave that rough physical connection. I don't belive ds has a true SPD, but the activities recommended were very helpful to him.

You could try looking some up (not much comes to mind offhand) and playing them with your dc. Maybe if you can meet the need on your terms, they won't seek it with their siblings?

I like this. I do it with my 16 month old. She loves being a "brat" but conversely she does it less when we play with her more physically. She just loves causing a reaction. I sometimes encourage the kids to be bratty back and she loves that and then they have fun too.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by eepster

I think a huge part of the problem is that she is having way too much fun with this. By turning the chase for the toy into a game you are encouraging her to steal toys. The ineffective redirection and running back to hurt her sister again and again is probably highly entertaining.

She is just a baby still, even if she is as mobile as a toddler, so you need to keep it very simple and clear. When she takes a toy pick her up, no fuss, no giggling, and give the toy back to DD1. Say "no, we don't grab." Keep you tone nuetral. If she returns to grab again repeat. .

I think neutrality is great advice. And since you can't expect your 3 yo to be super boring and nonchalant, you'll have to be on top of the 1 yo as much as you can to just prevent it until she grows out of it. Hard, I know.