I want a HB, but my husband does not. Who makes the choice? - Page 3

[festivefeet]

DEAR VillageMom6:

You have no idea how much I appreciated your email. It came at a good time. I think I have decided to go to UofM. The stress between my husband and I regarding the issue was just to much and financially it just makes more sense. Although, I will be honest, I want a home birth more than anything.

What midwife office did you go to? I have been going to East Ann Arbor. I have liked the midwives so far (aside from the one I saw today). I have been taking Tylenol 3 to treat migraines (which the OB I saw previously prescribed). She then told me today that it was comparable to a mother who drinks. And that just like fetal alcohol syndrome, she cannot guarantee that my baby will not be addicted or have issues. It was he most heartbreaking thing for someone to say. Especially since their office is the one that said it would be fine and they prescribed it. I felt very guilt ridden leaving that office today. She really didn't want to take much time to talk with us. She basically listened to the heartbeat and was going to send us on our way....until I interjected my questions. It was frustrating.

The only thing that makes me nervous about the U is how "medical" it felt to me. I want more than anything to be left alone as much as possible. I don't want a lot of in and out from many people. I also don't want drug intervention or anyone pressing me to have drugs if they see I am in pain.

Where are you from? I am in Milan. We also plan to homeschool . This is our second child. My first is turning five in OCT. She is very excited to have a little brother .

Thanks again for your encouragement and taking the time to write.
Jessica

[Banana731]

I don't blame you for shying away from U of M. That place is scary big modern medicine world. It would probably be great to be there if you got really ill, but I don't think I would be terribly comfortable birthing there myself. My dh worked in a Naval Hospital (a scary place) and even he was a little uncomfortable at the university hospital. I feel your pain. But if it helps, I did a ton of research and combed through many posts when I found out we we were moving here and a lot of people seem pleased with their experiences with the UM midwives.

My dh was not on board with the idea of paying for a HB with our first and our "free" hospital birth cost us in more in terms of emotion, healing, and my reproductive future than I could have imagined. It was a mistake that will not repeat. We will make less while in Ann Arbor, then we have during any previous births, but we would rather incur a little financial debt then the intentionally relive a hospital birth experience. Maybe it would help your dh to talk to more husbands who have had babies at home? I know that type of thing has helped friends of mine sway their partners.

My concern for you is this, If you think you are going to be unhappy at the hospital, you probably are. It's hard to compromise on birth for most women.
I hope that you get more comfortable with midwives at UM and are able to become 100% sure about your decision. Good luck!

[MommatoAandA]

Originally Posted by festivefeet

DEAR VillageMom6:

You have no idea how much I appreciated your email. It came at a good time. I think I have decided to go to UofM. The stress between my husband and I regarding the issue was just to much and financially it just makes more sense. Although, I will be honest, I want a home birth more than anything.

What midwife office did you go to? I have been going to East Ann Arbor. I have liked the midwives so far (aside from the one I saw today). I have been taking Tylenol 3 to treat migraines (which the OB I saw previously prescribed). She then told me today that it was comparable to a mother who drinks. And that just like fetal alcohol syndrome, she cannot guarantee that my baby will not be addicted or have issues. It was he most heartbreaking thing for someone to say. Especially since their office is the one that said it would be fine and they prescribed it. I felt very guilt ridden leaving that office today. She really didn't want to take much time to talk with us. She basically listened to the heartbeat and was going to send us on our way....until I interjected my questions. It was frustrating.

The only thing that makes me nervous about the U is how "medical" it felt to me. I want more than anything to be left alone as much as possible. I don't want a lot of in and out from many people. I also don't want drug intervention or anyone pressing me to have drugs if they see I am in pain.

Where are you from? I am in Milan. We also plan to homeschool . This is our second child. My first is turning five in OCT. She is very excited to have a little brother .

Thanks again for your encouragement and taking the time to write.
Jessica

YOU are in charge of YOUR birth, even at the hospital. You can refuse students and residents from being at your birth. You can ask for a new nurse, you can make an awesome birth plan, and you can have a positive attitude and you can show up pushing and sign out a few hours after the birth.

I had planned homebirths, but transferred with both. I smuggled out my placentas, breastfed, coslept, and left early when my parenting was not being respected. Anything I did not like I used strong language and said, NO or I DO NOT CONSENT, or I WILL NOT SIGN THIS. I put a sign on my babies bassinett and my door that my baby was not to be bathed.

Homebirth is great when it works and when both parents are on the same page, but it is his child too. Your body, but his child. Unfotunately, you may find yourself birthing at home without your partner if you choose to go through with it. I will tell you, my partner did NOT want a homebirth with our first and he was totally withdrawn during the labor. When we transferred he relaxed and was able to support me whole heartedly. My hospital births were AMAZING. I had one at community hospital with midwives and the second was with a high risk OB at a teaching hospital and BOTH births were fantastic. I asked for nurses who enjoyed natural births.

I think birth is what you make of it. A positive attitude can make all the difference.

[VillageMom6]

Hi Festivefeet! I'm sorry I haven't replied yet. Life got super busy these past few days but I've been thinking about you.

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience out at East. I've seen Mary McGuinness for several of my pregnancies and been very happy with her. I don't know how much/how often you're taking the Tylenol with Codeines but it was my understanding that they're relatively safe.

We've moved out to Manchester so now I go to the West clinic and see Holly Powers. I've only met her once and was very comfortable with her.

I've had births that were completely unmedicated and no one bothered me to ask if I wanted pain relief. I've had births where I asked for an epidural and no one made me feel guilty for wanting pain relief.

At my last birth my water broke and labor never started. The midwives were wonderful... no one made me feel like the clock was ticking... no one mentioned or pushed for Pitocin, etc... After nearly 24 hours of nothing happening, I chose to go with Pitocin and an epidural. The entire time I felt like I was in partnership with the midwives. They respected my thoughts and preferences and shared their own and we approached the birth as a team.

I'm a big supporter of home birth but for me there are three reasons why I choose not to...

1) I live 45 minutes away (IF there's no construction!) from the hospital. That's too far for my comfort level.

2) Unlike my house, a hospital has unlimited hot water. I've been known to sit in the shower for hours.

3) The food is pretty good at UM! I love being able to pick up a menu and order anything from it and have it arrive within 1/2 an hour.

Gotta run... but let me know if you need any more info!

[Artichokie]

Have you considered a free standing birthing center? AA is so crunchy, I would be surprised if there wasn't at least one. There IS one in temperance (on the border with ohio) if you don't mind a bit of a drive.