CLW if DH is against it?

[wagamama]

Has anyone else been in this position? My DH is totally unsupportive, and totally against me continuing to nurse my 2.5 year old DD. As soon as I mention that I am tired, or if he sees me trying to limit DD's nursing (sometimes she nurses so long that I get sore, so I tell her that she has to wait until later b/c mama is sore), he immediately says that I should stop nursing. He also worries that the reason DD does not eat so well (she eats small amounts at each meal) is because she nurses "too much". Sigh! It's hard to continue nursing when DH is constantly berating me or being negative. Any advise out there? DD LOVES nursing, btw.

[CheriK]

Oh, this sounds like a hard situation to be in!

I do wonder if he's speaking from a place of concern and worry for you. Maybe he thinks it would be easier if your DD was weaned, and when you express any sort of unhappiness, he thinks you're looking for permission to wean. Have you talked to him about how his comments make you feel? Is he receptive to listening to your reasoning for continuing to nurse, and how important it is for you and your DD? Is he a logical/science sort of guy? Maybe sharing some of the science and rationale for long-term breastfeeding would help.

I know I've found that there are people I simply don't talk to about some of our choices (family bedroom, nursing forever, etc) because when I complain about the challenges their automatic response is "wean". They just don't get that ANY choice has its own special challenges - and rewards. Your home and your DH should be a safe spot to share all aspects (good, bad, and ugly) but perhaps your DH doesn't understand that just because it's not easy sometimes, that doesn't mean you need to wean. It does seem that men often want to "fix" situations, and he may think you need him to come up with a solution (when you really just need him to listen).

Are there other families making similar choices that you can connect with? This is so important for my DH. When he's around other families that parent the same way we do, it really helps recharge his batteries and he becomes more committed. Connecting with other families when our twins were young brought him on board with the way I wanted to parent - before, he just went along with what I said, but didn't have any strong feelings about it. Once he started hearing "why" from others, and seeing their older children, it became important to him, too. It may be challenging to find other families but likely worth the effort!

[wagamama]

That was a very nice answer and just what I needed to hear! Everything you said makes sense. Thank you!

[Bald_Bull's_Mama]

My DH started asking about weaning when DS was 14 months old. We actually had a big fight about it. DS is now 27 months and still nursing. I NEVER make comments to DH about being tired, having nursed a million times in the night, any of it. When I mentioned it to our very BF friendly pediatrician, his response was, "Well, tell him no. You really need to nurse at least through the flu season." That was back in the fall. I relayed this and the peds other info to DH and he hasn't said anything since. Something else that I think helped was that I stopped nursing in public. DH was always a little weird about that. "Maybe you should buy one of those covers." I think that helped a lot, too. Try to figure out what part of it bothers your DH. Is he embarrassed at what other people might think like mine was? Is he concerned for you? Does he not understand the benefits? Maybe leave the kelly mom list of benefits open on the computer for him to "find". I post stuff like that to my Facebook page, knowing my husband will see it.

[ssh]

2.5 year olds are often picky eaters. One of the reasons I didn't worry was because my DD was still nursing and I knew her nutrition was fine. One thing your DH probably doesn't realize is breastfed toddlers usually get sick less. Breastmilk boosts their immune system. I could really tell the difference after my DD weaned herself last fall right before her 4th birthday. She had a cold that actually lasted 10 days. I was so used to her only being sick for a couple of days and having really mild symptoms compared to the rest of the family.

[Meksmama]

my dh just doesn't get it either, our ds is 2+... I keep telling him that he will stop before he goes to college. He doesn't think thats too funny though...

I don't mention being tired or sore around him because he always makes the comments for me to stop. I have told him benefits but he still doesn't get it. We just don't talk about it anymore.

[lindalu]

My H has been really nasty and unsupportive of my BF (past age 2). It has been a difficult situation and one that I constantly question and think about.

Hang in there!

[eko_mom]

I don't talk about the difficulties, being up at night, the benefits, or anything about nursing with DH anymore. My dd is 4 and ds is 1. Its hard not having any support...but here we are. The environment has made it more difficult in the face of my own feelings--society's expectations seeping into my unconscious--with regard to nursing my older child. That is making me limit my dd and pressure her to stop wanting it so much. More support would go a long way doing CLW the way I envisioned it...

[shotmama]

our LO is currently 11 months and we were talking about when to wean her. i am thinking the CLW may be best, but i am still undecided. if i do decide CLW, my husband has expressed that he is against it.

my LO still nurses every hour and every time i show that i am tired he says i should stop soon! (DH is from japan btw) i think maybe they are just worried for their wives? i think never talking about being tired is a good idea, but then i can't help but feel i am dehumanized somehow, hehe! a person's gotta vent, so maybe find other ways to? i'm interested in how your story unfolds! i hope your DH will be more supportive about it.

[lulu1213]

Originally Posted by CheriK

Oh, this sounds like a hard situation to be in!

I do wonder if he's speaking from a place of concern and worry for you. Maybe he thinks it would be easier if your DD was weaned, and when you express any sort of unhappiness, he thinks you're looking for permission to wean. Have you talked to him about how his comments make you feel? Is he receptive to listening to your reasoning for continuing to nurse, and how important it is for you and your DD? Is he a logical/science sort of guy? Maybe sharing some of the science and rationale for long-term breastfeeding would help.

I know I've found that there are people I simply don't talk to about some of our choices (family bedroom, nursing forever, etc) because when I complain about the challenges their automatic response is "wean". They just don't get that ANY choice has its own special challenges - and rewards. Your home and your DH should be a safe spot to share all aspects (good, bad, and ugly) but perhaps your DH doesn't understand that just because it's not easy sometimes, that doesn't mean you need to wean. It does seem that men often want to "fix" situations, and he may think you need him to come up with a solution (when you really just need him to listen).

Are there other families making similar choices that you can connect with? This is so important for my DH. When he's around other families that parent the same way we do, it really helps recharge his batteries and he becomes more committed. Connecting with other families when our twins were young brought him on board with the way I wanted to parent - before, he just went along with what I said, but didn't have any strong feelings about it. Once he started hearing "why" from others, and seeing their older children, it became important to him, too. It may be challenging to find other families but likely worth the effort!

CheriK, will you marry me?

seriously, that was such an amazing response to this thread. and it helped me too, as i'm going through a similar situation.

[averlee]

I think that disagreements about breastfeeding could indicate deeper problems in the relationship. Some dads resent breastfeeding, because they want the boobies all to themselves, because they want to play a bigger role in feeding the baby, because they weren't nursed as babies, etc. 

[newmum35]

Originally Posted by lindalu 

My H has been really nasty and unsupportive of my BF (past age 2). It has been a difficult situation and one that I constantly question and think about.

Hang in there!

Yeah same here.  I always envy those women on MDC who's hubby's have great comebacks or comments for others over extended BF... *sigh* wish that were me!