Clean house AND well body with a happy toddler? How do you do it?

[LCBMAX]

Please help me figure out how to lose weight while being a good mama and decent housekeeper!

My details:
42 years old, 5'5", 170#
regular cycles, healthy thyroid
uninterrupted sleep for the past 3 weeks (nightweaned, husband sleeps with son, hooray!)
nursing my 27 month old only in the day
145 at pregnancy, 190 at delivery, and 165 for the past year.

I have not been able to get lower than this since he was 6 months old and exclusively nursing.

Pre-baby, I maintained my weight at 145 with some difficulty by really vigorous exercise every day (45 minute fast mountain hike, 1.5 hour crazy dance class, 30 minute hard bike ride, or 45 minute steady swim) and a low carb, traditional foods diet. I felt amazing, vital, and soooo healthy.

Now, disaster, sort of. I struggle with housework (not an obsessively neat or clean person, but I do really want to have some control over a house in the dusty desert with 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a toddler) and can't seem to make enough time or build enough motivation to carve out the exercise I know I need.

I find it deeply soothing to have some order at home (though I'm still not organized enough to make a family dinner - ever) but it's also pretty depressing not to be able to find my old body or my old pleasure in physical exercise.

My fatigue from 2+ years of cosleeping and night nursing is lifting somewhat, but I found that I was completely trashed this week by a reasonable, gentle 45 minute hike. I felt great and hopeful right after, but come evening I couldn't move and lost the chance to get the house in order so the next day could flow well. I can build discipline, but I really need some positive feedback in this experience, as in - exercise creates energy, rather than exercise creates disorder.

Do I really have to choose between control over the chaos in my home and the chaos in my metabolism?

More details follow, so if any experienced mamas can tell me how to do it all, I'd be so grateful. I know some of you do it and have more than one kid and leave the house for work! I'm in awe. Thanks so much!

Kidwise:
I'm off duty from childcare 3 mornings per week, and I find myself just puttering at home instead of getting out there. It's such a pleasure to be home alone and just collapse or clean. My son is NOT an independent sort, he's really taken attachment parenting to heart and is only gradually expanding his ability to play solo.

What I can do with him -
I can get him playing in the sink for about 30 minutes so I can clean the kitchen.
He will happily dig in the dirt outside for a while if I'm nearby and helping.
I can clean the bathroom while he's in the tub.
I can put away some laundry.
I can get the dirty laundry in the machine.
I can feed the dogs, not the cats.
If chores go on more than 30 minutes, he needs some serious focused mama-time to keep happy, so this is all in bites, not extended sessions.

What I can't do with him:

He's a master at derailing most indoor chores. Making the bed is playing parachute and he tantrums if I put the blanket over the parachute sheet.
He's afraid of the vacuum noise, so I can't do that with him.
Sweeping frustrates him because ... because he's a toddler. His broom isn't grown up enough, but my broom is too hard to handle, etc.
No groceries. He won't ride in the cart, not even if it looks like a car. Mama must carry him, and push, and I just dread it.

(And FYI - in seeking order, I'm talking about beds made loosely, laundry in and out within 24 hours, kitchen clean once a day, vacuuming once a week, sweeping 2 - 3 times per week, scrubbing surfaces... monthly? I mean, it's really not too much to ask! I'm willing to work around pet hair most days of the week, and I never iron or cook other than eggs and noodles... )

[RosemaryS-F]

Hi! I'm going to put my responses in this color throughout your post...

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

Please help me figure out how to lose weight while being a good mama and decent housekeeper!
I definitely understand your pain! I like to have my house clean and I need to be fit as well.

My details:
42 years old, 5'5", 170#
regular cycles, healthy thyroid
uninterrupted sleep for the past 3 weeks (nightweaned, husband sleeps with son, hooray!)
nursing my 27 month old only in the day
145 at pregnancy, 190 at delivery, and 165 for the past year.

your ideal weight would be between 119 and 149--according to the internet. So let's suppose you get to the very top of that, 149--that is gratefully only about 20lbs away! You'll probably drop the first 10 fairly easily once you start your dietary changes. You haven't talked very much about how much you eat though. Would you consider starting a Spark People or Fitday account and putting in your daily food? It will give you a range of calories to eat for weight loss. I understand that you've been trying a traditional foods diet--that is great, but portions are still extremely important to watch.

I have not been able to get lower than this since he was 6 months old and exclusively nursing.

Pre-baby, I maintained my weight at 145 with some difficulty by really vigorous exercise every day (45 minute fast mountain hike, 1.5 hour crazy dance class, 30 minute hard bike ride, or 45 minute steady swim) and a low carb, traditional foods diet. I felt amazing, vital, and soooo healthy. Is it possible to walk with your ds? You can burn a large # of calories with a quick paced walk; wearing them burns even more. Aim for a 1 hour a day walk, wear a pedometer and make sure you get 10k steps a day. That can be in any form!

Now, disaster, sort of. I struggle with housework (not an obsessively neat or clean person, but I do really want to have some control over a house in the dusty desert with 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a toddler) and can't seem to make enough time or build enough motivation to carve out the exercise I know I need.

I find it deeply soothing to have some order at home (though I'm still not organized enough to make a family dinner - ever) but it's also pretty depressing not to be able to find my old body or my old pleasure in physical exercise. I completely hear you. It sounds like your ds would not be opposed to some physical activity with you, but the housework thing may be too much. I'm not sure; could you try to spend your 3 mornings maintaining order, and completely declutter/systemitize your home so that you're really just maintaining and doing short, daily chores in the interim? That would work if he would let you exercise with him. However, I really do feel that MOST of your efforts lie in dietary changes. At his age, no matter if he is still nursing a lot, you'll do best not to count nursing as a calorie burner (not that you've said anything about calories thus far.)

My fatigue from 2+ years of cosleeping and night nursing is lifting somewhat, but I found that I was completely trashed this week by a reasonable, gentle 45 minute hike. I felt great and hopeful right after, but come evening I couldn't move and lost the chance to get the house in order so the next day could flow well. I can build discipline, but I really need some positive feedback in this experience, as in - exercise creates energy, rather than exercise creates disorder.
in my case, yes, exercise creates energy. My son is motivated to come on a couple long walks with every day because there is a park in the end. And I find that with that energy I get from the exercise, especially at this time of year, I can maintain my house as well. It helps that dh has taken him Saturday mornings so that I can completely declutter our house and create systems that only need maintanance the rest of the week!

Do I really have to choose between control over the chaos in my home and the chaos in my metabolism? Maybe for a little while? I'm not sure. Does your dh have any chores? Can you enlist your son to "help"? Your son sounds like a wonderful kid, and yes, challenging in the ways you mentioned, but maybe with some creative thinking, you could strike a balance. I know your post was long, but I still feel like I am missing a bit of info...

More details follow, so if any experienced mamas can tell me how to do it all, I'd be so grateful. I know some of you do it and have more than one kid and leave the house for work! I'm in awe. Thanks so much!

Kidwise:
I'm off duty from childcare 3 mornings per week, and I find myself just puttering at home instead of getting out there. It's such a pleasure to be home alone and just collapse or clean. My son is NOT an independent sort, he's really taken attachment parenting to heart and is only gradually expanding his ability to play solo.

What I can do with him -
I can get him playing in the sink for about 30 minutes so I can clean the kitchen.
He will happily dig in the dirt outside for a while if I'm nearby and helping.
I can clean the bathroom while he's in the tub.
I can put away some laundry.
I can get the dirty laundry in the machine.
I can feed the dogs, not the cats.
If chores go on more than 30 minutes, he needs some serious focused mama-time to keep happy, so this is all in bites, not extended sessions.

What I can't do with him:

He's a master at derailing most indoor chores. Making the bed is playing parachute and he tantrums if I put the blanket over the parachute sheet.
He's afraid of the vacuum noise, so I can't do that with him.
Sweeping frustrates him because ... because he's a toddler. His broom isn't grown up enough, but my broom is too hard to handle, etc.
No groceries. He won't ride in the cart, not even if it looks like a car. Mama must carry him, and push, and I just dread it.

(And FYI - in seeking order, I'm talking about beds made loosely, laundry in and out within 24 hours, kitchen clean once a day, vacuuming once a week, sweeping 2 - 3 times per week, scrubbing surfaces... monthly? I mean, it's really not too much to ask! I'm willing to work around pet hair most days of the week, and I never iron or cook other than eggs and noodles... )

My last suggestion is a playgroup. Do you have any other mom friends who he could socialize with while you get other things done? I'm so sorry, I feel I haven't been much help. But my main message is that I doubt you are overweight because you're not exercising or moving enough. I think it mostly lies in your eating habits and your portions and that is something you can take in hand with or without your child.

[LCBMAX]

Wow, Rosemary, thanks so much for a thoughtful reading and response. As soon as I posted I realized I'd forgotten to mention anything about current eating, and you're right - it's central. I guess I feel hopeless about changing it so I focus instead on finding the time and energy to exercise.

Re: exercise with son -- he will NOT walk with me - hates the stroller now, storms and fights to get out and push it himself, then gets frustrated and only wants to be carried. No parks at the end for motivation. I can no longer pop him in the ergo for those same reasons, + my knees can't take the extra weight.)
Re: playgroup -- I have this, just as you describe but the trade in childcare really only lets me have time off every other week. But I could absolutely dedicate that time to exercise.
Re: decluttering -- working hard on this one. We have lots to do in this area, and construction ongoing, so it's never ending right now. I almost feel that I have to limit my decluttering and systematizing so that I can make time to exercise instead. The decluttering is very enjoyable for me, exercise is much harder to motivate toward.
Re: husband helping -- this is a hard one. He works so much right now, and is getting less sleep since he's on for night daddying. I do however have him on track to not make things worse! He's going to pay more attention to cleaning up the toys that he pulls out at playtime, and he just signed on to do all the animal care. I think that's all I can ask of him at the moment. But he's aware of all this and I notice he's trying to keep the kitchen a little cleaner too.
Re: nursing -- I just realized today that the last 5 - 7 pounds all came on when I stopped night nursing. The day nursing is not lots, but more than 3x per day. Til now I never really noticed that it was helping me!

My personality is so adolescent. I have a silly dread of doing things conventionally, so I have never looked at calorie counting. But I could totally swallow my pride and get a spark or fitday account to help keep myself accountable. It is hard to imagine how to add a new chore to the day, but I'll assume it's no harder than checking email, and I'm sure good with that one!

[B]So really, people with slow sticky metabolism DO lose weight with calorie counting? Really?[/B] And I can do calorie counting and low carb at the same time? I don't know why I thought they were mutually exclusive...

But how will I eat better without spending more time? Is there a whole plan somewhere - from shopping list to meals?

I take it seriously that adjusting eating habits will be a big help. I'd like to totally eliminate grains, and just address cravings with fruit for a few days to help shake that biochemistry loose. That has worked in the past.

I have standards that probably get in my way - I find even day-old leftovers kind of gross and I don't believe in processed foods (in fact I am trying to eliminate most store bought containers from our home) but once again, there is a way to accommodate these ideals if I only knew how other people do it.

Thanks again for your contribution! I do ramble on and I'm sure nobody really has leisure time. I'm close to desperate, as menopause and an even slower non-nursing metabolism are looming in my future.

Again more details follow if helpful.

These days I eat...
nuts with dates and dark chocolate in am with caffeine - but if it's black tea or coffee, I'm likely to use a full cup of 2% milk as I make a pot of chai or au lait. Could easily focus on my mate for now to eliminate that.
Eggs if husband makes them for himself. Plain.
(or, horrors, toast, which is the worst possible way for me to start the day since it just leads to one carb after another all day long.)
Then son's leftovers from the morning if he falls asleep on the way home - cold cuts, apple slices, trying to just carry carrots with me for that moment instead.
Then a large bowl of yogurt with cottage cheese, nuts and raisins in it.
Then picking at son's snacks and meals in the pm, like pasta, cheese, fruit.
Then, if I've really got my housewife hat on, I try to have some steamed veg and crock pot roasted chicken or other meat for dinner.
Then an evening snack with husband. Usually popcorn or fruit.

This does not account for the stress eating of pretzels and bread that made up the majority of my diet a few weeks ago when hard relatives came to town!

[Amanda Williams]

I don't have much time for a long response. I have 4 kiddos, 6 and under and I manage to do Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred 5 days a week. I have lost 15 pounds and 16.5 inches over the last 4 months.

I eat the same way you do. Eggs and sourdough toast with butter or oatmeal with goat cheese and maple syrup in the mornings.

Full fat milk, yogurts, cheeses, fruits, spinach smoothies, etc. for lunches.

Pastas, grass fed beef, veggies, carbs for dinners. I also enjoy homemade cookies every week. I eat out once a week at In N Out, also.

I eat A LOT , but have found that the Shred is working wonders for me. Check it out.

[RosemaryS-F]

Hi, it's me again. I'm happy to talk about this with you, that's why my name is Rosemary and I'm an MDC Fitness and Weight Management Forum Addict Because your post is long, I'll just do my same old response in magenta this time

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

I guess I feel hopeless about changing it so I focus instead on finding the time and energy to exercise.
I feel like as I went through and read this post, you began to change your mind about this hopelessness and begin to toy with the idea of changing your eating. Am I right? I hope so.

Re: exercise with son -- he will NOT walk with me What do you two do together? I understand the toddler hating the stroller/carrier thing. What can you do together that is active? Does he dance?
Re: playgroup -- I have this, just as you describe but the trade in childcare really only lets me have time off every other week. But I could absolutely dedicate that time to exercise. Does he nap? The poster below was right about the 30 Day Shred. You can get it from iTunes and I could even send you the link. All you need are a pair of weights and 22 minutes. It's a really hard workout but fits in during naptime with no problem. I don't want to tell you how to parent, but at some point, aren't you going to resent your son if he "won't let you" do things that you need to do for your sanity? Can you creatively think of ways to direct him--this is probably off forum topic, so I will end it there.
Re: decluttering -- working hard on this one. We have lots to do in this area, and construction ongoing, so it's never ending right now. I almost feel that I have to limit my decluttering and systematizing so that I can make time to exercise instead. The decluttering is very enjoyable for me, exercise is much harder to motivate toward. You burn a lot of calories doing housework. You'd be suprised. So don't sweat it, pun happened upon, it will clear you up for the exercise later. Right now I would focus on your eating more, because from what I read below, you've got a lot of room for improvement
Re: husband helping -- this is a hard one. He works so much right now, and is getting less sleep since he's on for night daddying. I do however have him on track to not make things worse! He's going to pay more attention to cleaning up the toys that he pulls out at playtime, and he just signed on to do all the animal care. I think that's all I can ask of him at the moment. But he's aware of all this and I notice he's trying to keep the kitchen a little cleaner too. Gotcha. It was just an idea.
Re: nursing -- I just realized today that the last 5 - 7 pounds all came on when I stopped night nursing. The day nursing is not lots, but more than 3x per day. Til now I never really noticed that it was helping me! Can't you just not believe it? Nursing burns a lot. But as they get older, you really can't lean on it. It doesn't sound like you were actually leaning on it, but now that you're doing less of it you must adjust your intake anyway.

My personality is so adolescent. I have a silly dread of doing things conventionally, so I have never looked at calorie counting. But I could totally swallow my pride and get a spark or fitday account to help keep myself accountable. It is hard to imagine how to add a new chore to the day, but I'll assume it's no harder than checking email, and I'm sure good with that one!
No, it's a bit more time consuming than checking email. I won't lie to you. Especially at first. And you'll need to measure your food, so getting out the cups and spoons and even if you can, get a food scale for the kitchen, and it's going to take a lot of mindfulness. But when you're ready to lose the weight, and you can make a commitment to succeed, it will be something you won't mind doing. You can start an account, put in your numbers, put in your goal and get a calorie range. If you absolutely can't get to the computer as much as it would seem you'd need to, jot down what you are eating (this means everything, unfortunately, like .2 pb&j, 4 chips and half a cup of apple juice, etc.) I don't want to scare you off from this, and you can totally avoid it if you use their meal plans which are free and you just eat what they tell you. I cannot do this because I'm a foodie and won't let the computer guide my cravings, BUT I do often eat the same things for breakfast and lunch every day and then work more creatively for dinner. This allows me to ease up on the data entry, etc.

[B]So really, people with slow sticky metabolism DO lose weight with calorie counting? Really?[/B] What makes you think this is you? From what you have listed, you don't have a slow metabolism, you just eat more than you think you do! This is the case with almost everyone. Age is a factor as well. Obviously as we age, the rub is that we need fewer calories, and that is where the pounds creep up on us.And I can do calorie counting and low carb at the same time? I don't know why I thought they were mutually exclusive... Of course you can.

But how will I eat better without spending more time? Is there a whole plan somewhere - from shopping list to meals? sparkpeople has this for sure. Like I said, I don't use it. But you totally can if it will save you time/effort.

I take it seriously that adjusting eating habits will be a big help. I'd like to totally eliminate grains, and just address cravings with fruit for a few days to help shake that biochemistry loose. That has worked in the past. That's okay, but grains are not the reason people gain weight; it's overconsumption of food and undercompensation with movement. Grains do not equal fat. At all.

I have standards that probably get in my way - I find even day-old leftovers kind of gross and I don't believe in processed foods (in fact I am trying to eliminate most store bought containers from our home) but once again, there is a way to accommodate these ideals if I only knew how other people do it. That is okay. I lived in Italy for years and nobody there eats leftovers either. They think that it's gross Maybe you are Italian? Haha. You'll have to figure out for yourself what you can and will do.

Thanks again for your contribution! I do ramble on and I'm sure nobody really has leisure time. I'm close to desperate, as menopause and an even slower non-nursing metabolism are looming in my future.

Again more details follow if helpful.

These days I eat...
nuts with dates and dark chocolate in am with caffeine - but if it's black tea or coffee, I'm likely to use a full cup of 2% milk as I make a pot of chai or au lait. Could easily focus on my mate for now to eliminate that.

Odd breakfast. The portions are sketchy to me. How many nuts? How many dates? How much chocolate? The milk seems completely reasonable.
Eggs if husband makes them for himself. Plain. Are they cooked in oil? Butter? You can get a sprayer and spray olive oil on the pan, or lightly rub whatever fats you use; oils contribute to a ton of calories. With the nuts, it doesn't sound like you need the extra fat.
(or, horrors, toast, which is the worst possible way for me to start the day since it just leads to one carb after another all day long.) It sounds like if you want toast, try a high fiber bread.
Then son's leftovers from the morning if he falls asleep on the way home - cold cuts, apple slices, trying to just carry carrots with me for that moment instead.Carrots are a good choice, but watch your sodium from the cold cuts. That just puffs you up, and you don't need the water weight. I'd demonize salt before carbs.
Then a large bowl of yogurt with cottage cheese, nuts and raisins in it. Again, how much is large? You gotta MEASURE! How many nuts and raisins? How much cottage cheese? Is this whole milk?
Then picking at son's snacks and meals in the pm, like pasta, cheese, fruit. You're getting your dairy in for sure, but the cheese may be too much fat at this point? Again, picking at son's food can lead to you having 700 extra calories/day from the sounds of it. That's a lot.
Then, if I've really got my housewife hat on, I try to have some steamed veg and crock pot roasted chicken or other meat for dinner. How much are you eating? I realize I sound like a broken record, but none of these foods sound bad or are bad in any way. It's the amounts.
Then an evening snack with husband. Usually popcorn or fruit. What's on the popcorn? How much?

This does not account for the stress eating of pretzels and bread that made up the majority of my diet a few weeks ago when hard relatives came to town!

You crave carbohydrates. This is becoming increasingly apparent to me. I have the same oxidizing pattern, and it is important for me to get healthy carbs. It is obvious that since when you are in a stressful situation you eat carbs (not candy or ice cream, but bread, pretzels) that your body is asking for them. I would not cut them out, especially not grains. I think your body needs them. If you have the time, you could take the oxidizer quiz and find that out.

Anyways, I'll check your response some point tomorrow and hopefully write back. But I still recommend a sparkpeople account.

[LCBMAX]

Ok, started counting calories, joined sparkpeople for that purpose, intrigued by the 30 day Shred but put off by the website, remembered that my son and I will both survive if he cries in the stroller for 20 minutes, so we did that (and he fell asleep - yay) and also got him on the bike with me for a 15 minute ride.

Would like to say many more things (as you might have guessed from the previous two run on posts) but am soooo wiped, staggering to bed now.

Thanks for the support!

[lil_earthmomma]

I track with sparkpeople too.

Sounds like you naturally lean toward a paleo/primal diet.

Check out http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

You can do this! We all strive for the things you want, clean house, happy baby, sexy mama!!!

[RosemaryS-F]

Originally Posted by LCBMAX

Ok, started counting calories, joined sparkpeople for that purpose, intrigued by the 30 day Shred but put off by the website, remembered that my son and I will both survive if he cries in the stroller for 20 minutes, so we did that (and he fell asleep - yay) and also got him on the bike with me for a 15 minute ride.

Would like to say many more things (as you might have guessed from the previous two run on posts) but am soooo wiped, staggering to bed now.

Thanks for the support!

Sounds like you are well on your way, mama! I'm so glad you did these things.

Would you like to join our Lose 5 Pounds thread? I think this month its called 5 Pounds to Forget About by Memorial Day. It's not really like everyone is trying to lose exactly 5, it's just really a goal and a support thread. Another thread here you might like is the low-carb thread. Anyway, the support here on MDC is, as always, stellar.

[LCBMAX]

OK, I've been unable to get here for a few days, but I am still participating in my mind.

Thanks for all y'all contributions.

Exercising - miraculously found time for that a few days this week - hope to continue. Implementing toddler friendly alternatives...

Eating - wow is the calorie counting interesting. Especially since I really do come to food from a paleo/ traditional foods approach. I'm still striving for a balance between the fats I crave and the proteins I need and the carbs that I see in front of me. I'm guessing at my measurements for the most part, and I try to keep it around 1300 per day, but I assume that it's more like 1500 since I'm certain to be making measurement miscalculations.

Fatigue - insane. This would never be possible if I were still in the family bed.

Housework - sort of. It's never as bad as it used to be, and it's usually within an hour of decent rescue. Most of all I'm on top of the laundry.

Cooking - WHEN THE H IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? Son has a runny nose today, so we'll go home after preschool instead of playing at the park. Toddlerweather dependent, I hope to get a grip on the wilting veggies in the fridge. Gotta make some meals for the freezer... when? No idea.

Anyway - most of all just wanted to say thanks again. I am on the bandwagon. Though not stable, I'm feeling really committed. I MUST get some weight off before my son weans, I see now that this is crucial, as is getting the habit of lower cal intake and regular exercise so I can continue into my 40s in the glorious state I have been promising myself my whole life long.

Thanks, ladies.

[RosemaryS-F]

Hey, that's great news. It's hard at first! Can I make some suggestions for very quick meals?
1. Beans, feta and scallions (you just have to cut them with scissors, no chopping) with a little (little!) oil and vinegar.
2. Cook up a bunch of meat (whatever you prefer, however you prefer to cook it--broiling is a good option for quickness/health) and shred half of it to mix with fresh tomatoes (maybe grape, maybe chopped), olives and oil/vinegar or lemon juice
3. use the other half of the meat you have cooked to just put on top of green salad
4. nuts, celery, and cucumbers tossed with a little brown rice or corn
5. boiled eggs with just salt and pepper

I don't know, I have tons more ideas.

[KarenEMT]

Since you mentioned cycling twice in your list of pre-child workouts, I thought of this: Don't know if he'd go for it, but the one thing that's saved my exercise routine is a bike trailer. I've made it my kids' own little "playroom" complete with toys that only stay in there, plus the whole "helmet donning ceremony" etc. It was one of the very few things my now 8 y/o (EXTREMELY high needs) would go for. The other thing he'd do back then was a hike in a carrier, but it had to be a frame backpack (he despised the Ergo type of carrier). I needed hiking poles once he got over 35 lb, but it was a GREAT workout.

One advantage to the bike trailer is that I am able to get a great workout from pulling all that weight, and I either do some sprints or hills to get maximum effort out of "trailer" rides. There are used ones available, or maybe a bike shop would let you "try before you buy" (mine did).

As far as diet, I've gotten lots of help and suggestions on this forum: http://forum.lowcarber.org/ (covers all kinds of low-carb diets, which is the way I need to eat to feel well & be healthy)

Good luck, sounds like you are really on the right track