freaked out when time to leave the park- how would you handle it?

[MisaGoat]

My 3.5 year old and I went for a walk to the park yesterday. The park is huge and it is about 1 mile from our house to the first playground in the park. We took the little umbrella stroller. He'll push the stroller until he gets tired and then I can push him. I am also 11 weeks pregnant. He is 40lbs.

So we walk through the park, look ate geese, flowers birds etc. Go to the playground he plays, we use the bathroom and he gets back in his stroller. I say it is time to go home, he says no I want to go to the other playground (the other playground is a different play structure with swings that you can see from the play structure we are at). I said no, it is time to go home but we can come back another day. He starts screaming and crying and pulling the buckle of the stroller and standing up, so I can't push the stroller. I tell him we are going home now but we can go on a walk tomorrow. Not working, so I pick him up in one arm and try to push the stroller with the other but he is screaming and flailing and grabbing at the stroller and knocking it over, we managed to get across the parking lot to the bike trail/walking path. I sit down on the trail and hold him, while he's freaking out until he is calm enough to sit in the stroller to ride home. We make it home and he is telling me he doesn't love me and only wants Daddy.

I thought I handled it ok and remained calm. My husband when I told him about said I treat him like a baby still and need to entertain him more.

Usually I give him a count down warning at the park 10 minutes, 5 minutes, one more slide then we are going. I didn't yesterday because he just got back in the stroller.

Oh also when he started to freak out the sky got dark and it started to thunder, luckily we did make it home before the storm broke. I felt so stuck. I couldn't carry him home, I couldn't push him in the stroller, I tried to call my husband to pick us up (knowing he probably was still driving home from work on a Friday with traffic) and thought about asking the park ranger in the suv to take us home. So I just had to wait it out until he calmed down enough to go home.

Additionally it feels pretty yucky to have your child screaming and throwing a tantrum at the park in front of other people. The onset of this tantrum was so sudden and intense, he was acting fine before, not even cranky.

What would you do differently? How do you avoid these situations?

[ssh]

My DD, 4.5, has trouble leaving the park unless we've been there awhile, usually 2 to 3 hours. We don't go unless we have enough time for her to stay that long. We haven't had a tantrum about leaving the park in over a year but we also don't leave unless she's played quite awhile. When she still did have tantrums about leaving the park, having a cold drink and snack to hand her helped a lot.

[LynnS6]

How much warning did you give him before it was time to leave? When my kids were that age, we did a 5-3-1 system "5 minutes until we go." "3 minutes until we go." "1 more minute until we need to leave. Choose one thing to do and then we'll go." The 'minutes' were flexible -- if I could tell that they really needed to run around more, I'd extend it a bit. The timing didn't matter so much as the chance to get used to the idea of going. Transitions are hard, and so being warned helps.

Having something to look forward to helps too. "Let's go home so we can..." Whatever you tell them can be as simple as "tell Daddy what we saw at the park" but reminding them that fun things are waiting at home sometimes helps. For long walks/outings, sometimes having a snack you can whip out at the transition home too. "Sit down in your stroller so we can have our snack while we walk home." He was probably tired and a little hungry, and that makes it harder to leave.

Leaving 15 minutes earlier than you think you need to is something I've learned to do as well. You need to leave before they've used up all their reserves so they have energy left.

Finally, I've also had success with what I can only describe as the "mother duck" technique -- I walk away and simply expect them to follow. Note this is not leaving them behind. I never say "OK, I'm going home, you can stay here". I never threaten to abandon them. I calmly start to walk, and then in about 25 feet, turn to make sure they're following. If they're not, I repeat, "it's time to go" and keep walking (slowly). They always followed me after that, even if they are screaming while they do it.



Once they've lost it however, there isn't a really elegant way to get home.

[skreader]

Even w/ the 5-3-1 system, sometimes young kids (2-4) will fuss when leaving. They are kids and will act childish

So I remember a few times carrying my son back from the playground like a potato sack over my shoulder as he cried.

Most parents have "been there", so don't worry about what people think. One thing I liked about living in an apartment building built around a court-yard w/ lots of other families was hearing other people's kids fuss. That may sound counter-intuitive, but it was re-assuring, knowing that just how kids ARE sometimes.

To avoid, use the 5-3-1 method as mentioned above. Also, next time you go out, tell him the plan: "we will look at ducks, play for a while at X, and then go to the swings, have a snack and then go home nicely.

Depending on your discipline methods, you may want to pre-warn him of the negative consequence for not going home nicely (no park the next day? Having to go to room on return home so Mama can cool down from her trauma of having to bring home fussy child?)

[sunshadow]

Oh man. I was just thinking about asking this question myself. Twice in the last week we have been out with my daughter, 3, and her friends the same age and when it's time to go her friends leave no problem and my child is screaming, crying, protesting, refusing to leave. I give warnings. I tell her before we go anywhere that she needs to listen to me when it's time to go. I validate her feelings. Sometimes I even bribe. Nothing works. Nothing.

I noticed yesterday when at a friends house for 4 hours that she actually asked to leave. She left with out a problem and was very sweet in saying goodbye to her friends. So, I am wondering maybe if we go to the park we just need to go for longer. That isn't always possible though. I guess it's just the age. I just hate the looks I get from other parents though when I have her in my arms kicking and screaming (with her baby brother in the Ergo). I mean, we've all been there haven't we? I guess it's their looks that make me think I am doing something bad, but sometimes there is just nothing else to do.

[MisaGoat]

You know what is funny, the next time we went to the playground my son asked to leave. However I was a wuss and drove to the playground so I had a getaway if we had another freak out, also justified the car by going to the store after.

I think the main problem the other day was that I didn't really give him the countdown warning because he just hopped back into the stroller and buckled up. Also it was 5-6pm that we were out on a Friday after school and I didn't bring snacks only a water bottle.

It makes such a difference, all the little things that usually happen to keep children moving along and happy with the flow. I did try to say things like "we can have a snack when we get home" "Daddy will be home now" "we can come back tomorrow" but the breakdown was so quick all my words were futile.

Thanks for the input, it helps to remember that most kids act like that at some time and that I am not a failure because my son screamed at the park.