3-yr-old & Sexual Curiosity - Page 2

[kristin0713]

I'm sorry that you are going through this with you DS.

Some of these thing raise major red flags for me as well. The sudden obsession with his sister, nursing on penis comments, changes in behavior, and then this:

He also told one of the girls that he was going to pee on her, and then peed all over the back porch.

which can also be a sign of sexual abuse. I don't say that to alarm you, but I really do hope that are able to schedule an appointment with a therapist ASAP. Of course it's a long weekend now, but I would not wait another day past Tuesday.

Personally, given what is going on, I would not allow naked time at home or any other time except for the bath. I would bathe the kids separately and be extremely vigilant in protecting your daughter. I would also not allow your DS to be alone with anyone at ALL that could be questionable. Have you read Protecting the Gift? I highly, highly recommend it.

[kittykat2481]

Originally Posted by kristin0713

I'm sorry that you are going through this with you DS.

Some of these thing raise major red flags for me as well. The sudden obsession with his sister, nursing on penis comments, changes in behavior, and then this:
which can also be a sign of sexual abuse. I don't say that to alarm you, but I really do hope that are able to schedule an appointment with a therapist ASAP. Of course it's a long weekend now, but I would not wait another day past Tuesday.

Personally, given what is going on, I would not allow naked time at home or any other time except for the bath. I would bathe the kids separately and be extremely vigilant in protecting your daughter. I would also not allow your DS to be alone with anyone at ALL that could be questionable. Have you read Protecting the Gift? I highly, highly recommend it.

All of this. 100%. Also, suddenly deciding that he doesn't want to go back to the homeschool group - before the latest incident occurred and people became upset - would lead me to question why.

I was also violated by my brother when I was 3, so I may be extra sensitive, but I think these behaviors have caught your attention for a reason. You are a wonderful mother for recognizing that this situation needs further evaluation, and for healing and protecting both of your children.

[sbrinton]

I've been thinking about this more since I wrote the other day. There is a fine line to walk between getting really freaked out that your child may have been abused or exposed to something inappropriate...or on the other hand taking a "kids will be kids" view and doing nothing.

After the incident between our boys, I definitely freaked out a little. I told a few close friends about what happened, and sadly one of those friends who had been abused herself then began to see my 4 year old son as a predator. She couldn't not look at him without seeing him as violent and dangerous. When he threw a ball at a park, she perceived it as a threat to her safety. I know most of this was just a response that she had because she had been abused, but it was a sad way to end a friendship.

I wish I had been more careful to not label my son or jump to conclusions. I think it was wise to set up boundaries like no bathing with his brothers until we were certain that he had not been abused, but in overreacting, we made things more difficult for our son.

In the end, I think our son was probably exposed to the idea of of sucking on a penis by some older boys. We have a friend who had a 6 year old who had friends who were 8-9. Our friends had a situation where some of the neighbor kids had been trying to talk their son into playing a game called "dog dog" where the boys would take turns sucking each other's private parts. Our friends tried to approach their neighbors and the neighbors took a "kids will be kids" approach and did nothing. Our friends ended up letting these kids play at their house but not letting their son go to the neighbor's house.

While we don't think anything physical happened, we do think our son probably heard some of those same boys joking around about this at a party and then acted it out with his little brother. I don't know if one of those other boys was being abused. Honestly, boys joke around about all sorts of penis stuff and most of it is pretty harmless. Rude, yes, but not a sign of abuse. But I am sad that our friends were not more proactive, making sure there wasn't some type of abuse going on in the neighbor's home.

So on one hand, be careful not to label your son as aggressive or abusive and be careful when talking with others. On the other hand, be proactive. Make sure he really trusts you and knows he can tell you anything. Avoid making him feel guilty while still setting appropriate boundaries. We talked with some sexual abuse counselors, but decided not to have our son go into counseling. I think this was the right call.

It has been a year since the penis-biting episode and we haven't had any repeat behavior. I do get the idea that especially our oldest son is quite interested in his parts, more so than either of his brothers. I think we're close to needing to explain a lot more about the birds and the bees (he's going on 6 now). Like many kids, he's definitely figured out that it feels good to touch himself there and we need to help him understand the purpose of those parts.

[Lovenest]

I would seek out help for you son ASAP, if nothing happened it will not hurt him and if it did he can be helped. I would not chalk this up to kid behaviour, there are way too many things going on that could be huge red flags.

Huge hugs to you.

sbrinton- Although from what it sounds like in your situation you took the right path, this is way different. You had one incident and this mom is posting one incident after the other.

[Tjej]

I agree that counseling will not hurt your son and might really help him.

Tjej

[Surfacing]