crying for snacks right after not eating at mealtime

[Everrgreen]

So, my DS has started this annoying habit of not eating what I've made for his meal, but then minutes after I put him down from his chair, he is in the kitchen crying and pointing at the snack cupboards He will shake his head 'no' if I try and reoffer the meal. It is so frustrating! I don't want to get into the habit of giving him separate food to eat than the meal, plus a lot of his food is going to waste which I hate! But how much should I push it? Do I just let him go hungry until the next meal when he can choose to eat if he wants? He does get snacks throughout the day too, but I'm hesitant to let him have a snack when only 10 minutes ago he refused to eat what I offered for breakfast.

Does anyone else have this issue? What do you do?

[wife&mommy]

What is he getting for a snack? Is it more appealing than his meal?

[annettemarie]

I might be a mean mom, but I would start saving the meal and just reoffer it. IMO, that's not "letting him go hungry" as much as limiting his choices. I'd also examine what's in the snack cupboards and maybe try to replace it with things that can serve as meal replacements, such as fruit, yogurt, cheese, etc. It's great when they start asserting their own little personalities and wants, but it can be hard, too. Good luck!

[Everrgreen]

Originally Posted by wife&mommy

What is he getting for a snack? Is it more appealing than his meal?

Well, to him it is. I try and give him healthy snacks, but it still isn't the same as a meal (which gives him more of a variety). And I do try and vary his snacks as well (he has crackers, cheese, fruit, fig newtons, corn puffs, cereal bars (these I save for when we are out of the house)).

Right now we are sharing some cheese and crackers. Earlier he turned down applesauce which is usually a favourite, so he can be pretty particular about what he wants, I guess that's a good thing in some ways

I'm thinking that maybe I will continue offering whatever the meal was until it is a more appropriate 'snack time' (like 1-2 hours later, I guess) and then let him have a snack.

[butterfly_mommy]

What I do is make up a muffin tray (6 cups) of "snacks" DS will sometimes have a muffin tray pick nik instead of having a traditional breakfast or lunch.

For ex

cut up pear, steamed broccoli trees, cubes of cheese, cheddar bunnies, hard boiled egg in slices (sometimes whole), peanut butter on bread cut into fingers

I then put the tray on his little table with a drink and he will eat from it throughout the morning. He loves it and calls it the snack tray. Yesterday just before dinner he went into the room and said "I have to have a snack, I'm going to look at the snack table" Then I could hear him say "Oh no where is the snack tray?" Anyway I put together a snack tray and set it out for him while I got dinner ready (most of the stuff was things we were having for dinner anyway like slices of red pepper, cheese, etc ) He snacked let me cook and then sat down with us and ate some more food but warmer

Oh and I have also but the foods DS left from our meal into the snack tray with some other foods and DS will usually eat everything.

[azzeps]

Whenever I see a feeding-related post like yours, I always recommend this book: Child of Mine - Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter.

Basically, the premise is that it is our job as parents to provide food in the form of meals and snacks throughout the day (what, when, where). It is our child's job to eat it and they get to decide how much they eat, if they eat it at all (whether and how much). She calls it the division of responsibility. Part of this "method" is that you have to have your child coming to the table hungry - hungry enough that they will eat what's there. If they don't eat it, they don't eat it... the next snack/meal is only another 2-3 hours away, so they won't starve. In between meals, only water is given.

We have been following the ideas presented in this book with our daughter and she is a fantastic eater. She eats a wide variety of foods and is willing to try new things.

I am leaving SO MUCH out... you really should check out the book... it's a fascinating topic and has taken away so much of the stress over feeding for me.

[baturay]

Originally Posted by azzeps

Whenever I see a feeding-related post like yours, I always recommend this book: Child of Mine - Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter.

Basically, the premise is that it is our job as parents to provide food in the form of meals and snacks throughout the day (what, when, where). It is our child's job to eat it and they get to decide how much they eat, if they eat it at all (whether and how much). She calls it the division of responsibility. Part of this "method" is that you have to have your child coming to the table hungry - hungry enough that they will eat what's there. If they don't eat it, they don't eat it... the next snack/meal is only another 2-3 hours away, so they won't starve. In between meals, only water is given.

We have been following the ideas presented in this book with our daughter and she is a fantastic eater. She eats a wide variety of foods and is willing to try new things.

I am leaving SO MUCH out... you really should check out the book... it's a fascinating topic and has taken away so much of the stress over feeding for me.

I've not heard of this book, but this is what we do. Maybe not as strict as the book sounds, but meal time is meal time. You don't have to eat it, but when you get hungry...that's what you are gettin'. And cut out snacks a couple of hours before dinner, so that they are hungry for dinner. So, if dinner is at 6pm, I give them snacks at 4pm and then nothing again until dinner time.

[wife&mommy]

Originally Posted by Gillian28

Well, to him it is. I try and give him healthy snacks, but it still isn't the same as a meal (which gives him more of a variety). And I do try and vary his snacks as well (he has crackers, cheese, fruit, fig newtons, corn puffs, cereal bars (these I save for when we are out of the house)).

Right now we are sharing some cheese and crackers. Earlier he turned down applesauce which is usually a favourite, so he can be pretty particular about what he wants, I guess that's a good thing in some ways

I'm thinking that maybe I will continue offering whatever the meal was until it is a more appropriate 'snack time' (like 1-2 hours later, I guess) and then let him have a snack.

Well if his snacks are more appealing than his meal, then maybe he is holding out for the snacks and trying to skip the meal since he knows you'll give him the snacks. I'd cut out the processed snacks from cupboards and offer him what he didn't eat at his last meal (you know like the applesauce you mentioned, or grapes, peas, sandwich whatever it was) for his snack after a reasonable time in between them (my kids don't get a snack between breakfast and lunch because it's only about 3.5 hours difference, but they do get a snack between lunch & dinner about 3 hours after lunch and 3 hours before dinner... so generally they eat every 3 - 3.5 hours). That way he's not wanting the "better" (in his eyes) thing and not eating the healthier meal time stuff.

[mamadelbosque]

DS1 did that for a while too. I just stopped offering snack for at least 2+ hours before or after the meal. He could eat dinner or not, that was his choice, but if he chose not to eat dinner there were not going to be snacks afterwards. He now will almost always eat at least some dinner. Maybe not as much as I'd like, but he won't completely skip it anymore, cause' he knows theres no snacks coming in 10 minutes. If he doesn't eat much, his plate stays there till the very last thing to wash at which point he gest asked, one more time "you sure you don't want anymore X"?? and if he doesn't it goes to the dog/trash as appropriate and then gets washed. And then nothing else to eat for at least another hour or two. He chose not to eat. Not my fault.

[redvlagrl]

ITA with PPs. I only offer DD snacks that are real food and often meals like lunch are pretty much the same thing (bread, cheese, fruit, veggies).

I don't really care if she doesn't eat dinner because I know her snacks are nutritious and she's getting a balanced diet (albeit probably weighted on the side of fruit - she is a bit obsessed). though we do find if we give her a pre-emptive snack at around 4pm she'll eat a bit more dinner.

[ssh]

We let our DD completely self regulate her food intake. So I have no problem with her snacking after not wanting nor eating an offered meal. There are a few differences in our snacks though. We often have the same foods as snacks that we incorporate in meals, except for fresh fruit, and we don't have any low fiber, white flour, sugar snacks in the house. I agree that it's your responsibility to offer healthy food and your DSs responsibility to eat or not eat it. I do disagree with scheduling eating times or withholding food because it's better for a child to listen to their body's cues instead of developing social eating habits.

[Everrgreen]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!! Lots to think about. His snacks are all pretty healthy, it is mostly fruit really. Last night he refused to eat his meal again, I tried just offering it when he continued to ask for snacks, but he got frustrated and started crying and crying and crying, so finally I gave in and he ate a banana (about 30 minutes after dinner ended - 30 minutes of constant crying).

Tonight, when I had my dinner (which was leftovers of the same meal from yesterday) I decided not to bother heating any up for him and I just gave him a plate full of different 'snack' foods. Well, guess who wanted what was on my plate? So he ended up eating the dinner, go figure!

I think I will try and limit snacks at least an hour or more before dinner. He does do a lot of grazing during the day. I liked the idea of the muffin tray, that might be a good way for me to monitor how much of the snack food he is eating and ensure there is a variety of foods.

[MeredithTB]

I saw on the Doctors where the family sat down for dinner, fixed their plates and started eating...kind of ignoring the toddler. He immediately started asking for the food on the table.

[azzeps]

Originally Posted by Gillian28

I decided not to bother heating any up for him and I just gave him a plate full of different 'snack' foods. Well, guess who wanted what was on my plate? So he ended up eating the dinner, go figure!

Yes! That's great! Another thing Ellyn Satter purports is that children want to learn to eat the same things we do. And they can and they do.

Case in point: My DD (2 yrs old) shared sashimi for dinner on Saturday night with Daddy at a sushi restaurant. She preferred the hamachi, as long as he scraped the wasabi off.

Check out: www.ellynsatter.com

Good luck to you! He will get to be better about food! And I bet he's eating better than you think, if you look at his foods over the course of a week.

Take care!

[just_lily]

I always make sure that there is something on my DD's plate that she will eat, and she often gets something that my DF and I don't have on our plate. Often fruit. Last night we had steak as a treat and I really didn't expect her to eat it as she isn't big on meat. So she got a couple of small bits of meat, a bit of potato, a couple bits of lettuce from our salad, as well as strawberries and cheese. DF and I had just the steak, potato and salad.

So if he wants banana, can you just give him some banana at the same time as the rest of his meal?

I run a home daycare, so we have scheduled(ish) mealtimes. I have to serve breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and then make dinner for my family. If I was feeding kids in between I would never leave the kitchen. So I definitely have the rule that if you don't want to eat you have to wait until the next eating time rolls around. It is only a couple of hours so nobody starves.