How to deal with baby compliments?

[belltree]

Hi there,

It seems I have a real problem with people complimenting on my son's (6 month old) achievements or reaching mile stones. I just think I have a pretty average child. He is ahead in some areas and behind in others. I really feel confused when people tell me, that he must have big brains or strong legs and he'll study astrophysics one day.

Honestly, I want my son to do whatever he wants to be in live and I highly doubt, that one could really tell if a 6 month old is brainy or not. Maybe he is just a bit ahead right now, but in a couple months he won't be. I just want him do be himself without having to compete for milestones that are just part of his development. I really don't enjoy this focus on the achievements of babies at such an early age. They just learn and do at their own pace, and I am there to help them along and give love and support and boobs, but I really don't want to train my child or compete with others about the first steps or the first word or the first turn over.

A lot of the comments and compliments just seem so exaggerated and I am not sure what to make of them. Is he really ahead of others or are people just making conversation? Am I not doing him justice by just thinking of him of being normal? I feel society has his life already planned out for him, people telling him to like this and not that, and how he is a good boy for doing something. He is a babe, I honestly believe there are no bad babies.

Anyways, I am not sure where I am going, I guess just trying to find my center as mother in this high achievement focused world out there. How do you deal with this?

[octobermoon]

i just say thanks, meaning thanks you for the compliment. i mean i think most people LOVE babies and are being friendly. i know some compliments seem exaggerated or whatever but again i think people are just being nice.

[NiteNicole]

Originally Posted by octobermoon

i just say thanks, meaning thanks you for the compliment. i mean i think most people LOVE babies and are being friendly. i know some compliments seem exaggerated or whatever but again i think people are just being nice.

I agree with all of this. Just say thank you and trust that people are trying to be nice. I think most moms (if not all) get the "she's just so SMART" and "do you have her in modeling" type questions. A lot of people just really really like babies and small children.

[zinemama]

There is no need to overthink this. People like to compliment babies.

"Thanks, we think he's pretty great, too" is all you need to say.

[Ninetales]

You say "Thank you."

[MsVyky]

For a long time, i struggled with how to accept compliments on my DD.

I just say "Aw, thanks! Made her myself!", then change the subject.

[belltree]

Thanks for your insights. I guess I was just overreacting. I am not used to all this attention on the street, and find it confusing.

[Abraisme]

Originally Posted by zinemama

There is no need to overthink this. People like to compliment babies.

"Thanks, we think he's pretty great, too" is all you need to say.

People just like babies.

[nicole528]

I found this to be an interesting thread...I am going through similar experiences/emotions with my 6 mo DD. I can't stand it when people tell her how 'beautiful she is' or says things like 'Oh, you are such a pretty girl'. She is too young to understand this now, and I know people are just being nice, but I do not want this to continue when she is old enough to realize what they are saying. I have a real problem with our society's obsession with beauty, particularly in females and want to steer her away from this line of thinking. Anyway, I know I can just say 'thank you' for now but I don't think that will be the best response when she's old enough to understand what they are saying.

-Nicole, mama to DD 11/09

[lovepiggie]

We get this too... DS is a really attractive baby. I thought it was just me thinking this, but everywhere we go, people stop us to talk about how beautiful our son is. And I love it at first, but people just go on...and on... Until it gets kind of awkward.

So I just say thank you, and that he gets it from me *wink* and then I try and move on. I do think people just like to compliment babies, though, and I think people like to give exaggerated compliments to babies too! A woman told my son he was "clever" for having teeth. Obviously he had nothing to do with it!

[belltree]

Hi Nicole,

Yes, this is what I meant. I know how to say thank you. But I still don't feel comfortable with all this attention. Interesting how the reactions differ, when I dress him in pink sometimes. Then suddenly he is a girl, and he is so beautiful and her lashes - she must be wearing mascara! Who puts mascara on a 6month old? I don't mind people confusing him to be a girl; but it amazes me how much people stir and direct those little humans already. If he's dressed like a girl, he'll flirt marry a nice husband, if he's dressed like a boy, people tell him to play soccer or baseball instead of football, so he won't loose his brains.

I know, people try to be nice and friendly, but some of it is just too much.

[nola79]

Just say "thanks" and move on. I get what you're saying, but people will be people.

[akind1]

We get the same, but mostly about DS being such a "good" or "easy" baby - well, yes he is! - but I don't know that I have much to do with it. People especially like that he doesn't mind being held by those he doesn't know very well, and I think this is because we have made sure to "pass him around" at family gatherings and such.

I might have a little to do with it, but I think it is mostly temperment.

people also call him pretty, I just roll my eyes and say thanks! I think he's a keeper!

[SilverFish]

i've been struggling with this too. only it's not the over-the-topness of the comments, it's just the overwhelming attention we both get. i'm actually considering putting her in one of those bucket car seat stroller contraptions when we go out so people can't see her. when she's in a wrap or sling, i get insane amounts of staring, pointing, people coming up to me and asking about her... it has actually put me off going to our local shopping centre because i get so uncomfortable. it's all totally friendly, but sometimes i just want to stroll through the mall without getting bothered, you know? do people stop doing this when they're older?

[intrepidmother]

This is an interesting discussion. I don't know how to deal with compliments for my DD. I, too, don't like the focus on "beauty" in our society and I need to find a way to direct those comments elsewhere. I also think that people compliment babies WAY more than older kids and so hopefully when DD reaches toddler-hood, these comments will have died down. Sometimes people compliment babies b/c that's what people "do".

[reignbelle]

I usually jus say thank you. Sometimes I joke along with the person "what a smart baby" "yep shell be is calculus next week" I understand the issue with people completing looks but really their just trying to be nice I feel its best not to be rude back. Now I have had people be rude about my child's appearance dd2 had a mohawk and dd1 has been picking out her crazy outfits since turning 2. Those are the comments I don't know how to react to.

[nicole528]

Originally Posted by belltree

Interesting how the reactions differ, when I dress him in pink sometimes. Then suddenly he is a girl, and he is so beautiful and her lashes - she must be wearing mascara! Who puts mascara on a 6month old? I don't mind people confusing him to be a girl; but it amazes me how much people stir and direct those little humans already. If he's dressed like a girl, he'll flirt marry a nice husband, if he's dressed like a boy, people tell him to play soccer or baseball instead of football, so he won't loose his brains. .

The different reactions you get are very interesting. Maybe it's my fault because I put DD in dresses...not because I want her to look 'cute' but b/c I think these are the most comfortable thing to wear on a warm day. My DH had her out last night in a yellow jumper and he said everyone thought she was a boy (he didn't correct them)...I bet no one said 'Hi Pretty Boy'!

-Nicole, mama to DD (11/09)

[Friendlee]

Since we all run into this and we all live in different communities, it's a sure thing that this is just a microcosm of society. People just love to gush about babies, simple as that. And the only way they might develop some paranoia, or feeling of pressure, or learn to abuse their looks in order to get attention would be if their parents focused on it or paid the situation any attention. I remember a time when I got a lot of attention for my looks. Looking back, my parents commented on how beautiful I was, from time to time, but it was never the common compliment among them. They mostly focused on my work ethic, my sense of humor, my passion, etc. Sure, I'm not ugly and I ran into the whole deal where society places importance on beauty, but it was my parents who guided my thinking in how I used and valued my appealing traits.

My daughter gets lots of compliments too...and I have to stop myself from telling her how pretty she is. She is!!! And it's human nature to appreciate something beautiful...but we will never focus or dwell on her beauty and I doubt this will ever be an issue.

That being said, I can see why it rubs you the wrong way after a while. But I think it's totally normal.

[MamaPhD]

<Compliments in general>
Everyone loves babies. Everyone loves dogs, too, lol. So if you have one on you, you will attract people's attention. There's just no way around it. What worked for me is to put a protective hand(s) on DD, and say "shhhhhhhh, i'm trying to get her to nap!" People usually shushed, smiled, and walk away stealing glances. Another trick to fend off unwanted baby admirers is to just keep walking. Never stop, don't run, just keep your pace and keep moving. (Read this in a magazine about how celebs deal with paparazzi, lol!)

<Compliments about appearance>
I think it's an easy answer why people(=strangers) compliment a baby so much on his/her appearance. They've only just seen him/her for a few seconds, appearance is the only information they have on the baby. If you had to look at a stranger for 2 seconds, then say something about him, you would say what he was wearing or something(=appearance). There's no way you can go into work ethic or personality of a total stranger! See what I mean? I think it's more evidence they don't know your baby, more than anything else we might over-read into.

[Ldavis24]

here I was telling DD from day 1 that she is a super genuis model baby

Seriously though my mom calls DD a genius all the time and I told her I didn't care until DD was old enough to actually understand and talk and then she needed to stop. I don't want DD to be one of those kids prancing around telling people "mommy says I'm so pretty or smart or whatever".

I will happily admit to calling my DD clever though when she does things that surprise me. I also call her beautiful but that is more to DH because we both think she is the most stunning thing in the world!