am I nuts? (re: grandparents driving kids on unfamiliar roads) - Page 2

[lifeguard]

Either you trust someone to drive dc or you don't. I really don't see how the unfamiliar roads play into it. It's not like the rules of the road are suddenly radically different. Quite frankly I can get lost in areas I've been to before or just haven't been to recently.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

so I guess I don't quite get why they need to tour around instead of just spending time together here-- dd would LOVE to play together in her play room, bake cookies together, have a lunch picnic in the backyard, introduce her to her neighbor friends, and show her how she can ride her big girl bike to the neighborhood park.

Just because you enjoy those things doesn't mean someone else will. I can think of legit reasons someone wouldn't want to do what you've mentioned - bad knees that make getting on the floor of the play room uncomfortable, the general messiness of baking with preschoolers, no desire to meet your neighbors (why would they want to?), lack of excitement from watching a child ride a bike.

My ILs tend to play with our kids some, though they'd rather have a conversation than play Candy Land. My parents don't play. It's not how they parented, and it's not how the grand-parent. My mother would have a much better time taking my children to lunch, to buy a new outfit, maybe to see a movie. She would be bored to tears sitting watching them do a puzzle. Staying in an unfamiliar house with a child they don't know well isn't an entirely appealing notion.

As for irrational fears, I figure we're each allowed 1 or 2. I knew a child who died after biting a balloon (a small piece blocked her airway), so I'm a bit nuts about balloons. If you feel people are mocking you often, though, then perhaps you should take a look at whether you have *too many* irrational fears. Being too concerned about safety can be paralyzing, which is what I think is happening here. As your daughter gets older, your fears will only get worse as her independence grows, and it's something I would take some time to work on.

[madskye]

I don't think you're crazy, I worry about my MIL too. If it is raining or dark and DD is supposed to spend the day or night with my in-laws, I always drive her down instead of having them pick up. I don't need the extra stress...so I get where you are coming from.

That said, I did have to let go and recite all the things other posters have said and just let them drive DD around. They like to take her to the amusement park near them, or out to lunch. It's all been fine. It's more of a mental hurdle for me as a mother to leap over.

The only thing that would change my mind would be if your inlaws drive like they are in a bumper car, and are constantly actually having accidents.

[prothyraia]

For me it would depend on what kind of untrustworthy driver your MIL is, exactly. Will *you* get in the car with her? I have aging family members that I will not ride with, and am just waiting for the day that they will get in serious accident and injure themselves or someone else. Does she regularly speed or cut people off?

If she's not a Bad Driver in that sense, and you trust her to follow your car seat use guidelines, then I'd let them go. But if I felt like I was being blown off a bit on the car seat thing, we would all be sitting down together to watch some crash test videos before they went anywhere, until they Got It.


As a side note-

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

As for irrational fears, I figure we're each allowed 1 or 2. I knew a child who died after biting a balloon (a small piece blocked her airway), so I'm a bit nuts about balloons.

You mean I'm not the only one with a balloon thing?

For the record, I tend to assess safety concerns by considering whether death or maiming is reasonable possibility and then letting everything else go, but you let a latex balloon near my kids and it's all over...

[plunky]

I would have a problem with this, but not because I was scared of her driving or anything. If I have a trip planned, I would be annoyed at having to change aspects of that plan to accommodate random guests. If people want to come on unannounced visits while you have stuff planned, that's fine. But it's not cool to make their visit the priority and put your plans to the wayside. Do what you planned originally, IMO.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by SweetPotato

I've also had a couple of very nervous experiences with mil driving, and as she is completely unfamiliar with the roads here,

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

Maybe I'm the only one with both a chronically careless driver in the family and an aging driver who is having more near-misses but when you say she's not a great driver, I believe you.

same here. There's no way I want my kids in a car with my father driving because I'd like to see my children grow up!

Kids are most likely to die in car accidents or by drowning, so it makes sense to use appropriate caution. I'm OK with my kids riding with *most* people, even their friends' parents who I barely know.

My father is losing it and wanders out of his lane, and he is worse when he is on unfamilier roads. He could easily have a head on accident.

my kid, my rules.

[mamazee]

I'd let them go.

[wife&mommy]

I say listen to your instincts and don't do it if you are not comfortable with it.

[~Adorkable~]

By thecway on most gps systems there is a setting that locks it for all but the most basic things when the car is moving, so she will have to pull over and safely fiddle with it. This will help with one issue I totally understand and agree with.
I would be pretty wigged out with what your mother did with the seat belt, but your MIL is a different person, she does deserve to be judged on her own actions.

Godd luck finding what's right for you

[SilverFish]

i don't see why people are unconcerned about the issue of unfamiliar roads. a poor driver is a much worse driver when they aren't familiar with the layout of a town... instead of concentrating on the road, they are looking for street signs, instead of checking their blind spots, they're pulling over quickly to avoid a turn-off, etc. i'm a much poorer driver when i have to go some place i don't know. if you think that your MIL is a bad driver, that is a fair reason not to be comfortable with her driving your child around solo. i'm personally aware of my driving ability and would be uncomfortable driving someone else's children around in an unfamiliar area... heck, i'm even nervous driving my own child around.

it's possible that you are being irrational about her skill levels, but if you truly don't think you are, then i'd go ahead and ask them to stay home. and, you know what, too bad if she's going to get a bit bored at home and want to go out... she's the one who decided she was going to come and spend the day with her granddaughter, she needs to suck it up.

[Alyantavid]

I don't think you're nuts. We don't let mil drive with our kids and she's lived here forever. She's just a scary driver, she isn't as anal about car seats and I'm just not comfortable with it. Luckily, dh feels the same way.

[New_Natural_Mom]

The other posters here have their opinions, but why are you questioning yours? Your feelings are your feelings. Where would they be going that they would be "zipping around town"? If they are in town for one day I don't see it is unreasonable that they could stay home and walk to a park or something else etc. If you are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. You have a right to your feelings.