post #21 of 42
5/21/10 at 4:31pm
I don't want to take over this thread, but if anyone wants to share their secret, how do you not get angry with your dh when they are never around. My dh is just finishing his first year on a new job. He spent the last 4 years in school(he worked too, so he was never around). Now, he is taking on more and more commitments too make extra money because we have been poor for so long. He will be around maybe 1 full day and one half day a week this summer. He works from 7am-10pm most days. I get angry a lot that I am alone all the time. I guess I should be grateful that dh is a hard worker and that he is motivated with work. But, I feel pissed constantly. He doesn't HAVE to work that much. He chooses to so we have more money. Any advice?
Mama, I'm going to say this gently and I know I may be VERY wrong. I just know I've seen this elsewhere.
Is it possible that your dh has some control over his work schedule? Is it possible you don't know the whole story?
It is not sustainable to work 100 hours a week including 7 days a week many weeks while leaving your young family home alone.
Is it possible that your dh chooses to work more than he really needs to?
No need to answer here, just something to think honestly about.
I have known some families where when the kids were young and the marital relationship was strained, a spouse used work as an excuse to not be home. The spouse left behind spent a lot of time justifying her hubby's work schedule, but eventually it became known that the work schedule was a little more flexible than the working spouse had made it out to be. One of the problems is that the spouse at home didn't know anything otherwise because of course she believed her working spouse that he had to work all these extra hours, and he in fact probably had convinced himself of the same. We live in an IT-heavy community, and there is a continuum when it comes to work load. I realize with the economy and nature of IT work that it's easy to believe you have to work more than perhaps you really do because the work can be never-ending. But there is a subtle but important difference between having to work more and wanting to work more.
Like I said, this may totally not apply to you at all. It's just something I've seen happen a few times and something to think about.