Open mouth - insert foot. I haven't felt this bad about something I did in a while. Long while.
So... For about 4 years I have been really good about being the "go to" person for dsd; her dad carried the discipline, lecture, "here is what the right thing to do", kind of guy, and I was the non-judgemental one, the one that only offers advice when asked, the one that dsd knew was "safe". We haven't had a direct argument in.. lets see.... 4 years!
Well... Lets fast forward to today, shall we? In the morning, dsd and dp share a quick argument over appropriate clothes, all resolved, she does make one not-so-nice comment to him, something about "do you want me to show you the finger?" They resolve it, move on, all's fine and dandy... She changes, we go out, have fun, everyone is smiling and helping out with a big project at someone else's house.
HOURS LATER!
I find something really sweet DP wrote to his dad, when DP was a teen himself (and his dad was the kind of a UAV you cannot image). The letter really touches me. I'm between tears and super emotional, and overwhelemed with pride for the kind of person that DP is, and at the same time with disgust for his father. So... I share it with DSD, she giggles, and says "wow, this is really sweet". And what do I do??? Ya guessed it... I yell at her. I actually raised my voice on her, telling her that THIS is how you talk to your parents, not with "let me show you the finger", and swearing when you get upset, etc. etc. etc. Probably taking full 3 minutes on this. She goes from giddy by looking at her dad's letter, to grumpy, to crying.
I can't say I said the wrong thing, but the timing was awful, and the tone was awful, and it was just ugh... Not good.
Did I say "I'm sorry"? Yes. I did. A couple of times now. Is it working? I'm not so sure. (well, I'm sure it didn't the first time around, she walked off with "don't talk to me"). Now she's doing her homework. DP went out with her right after to talk, and calm her down, and now she's calm but distant. *sigh*
Will we get over this? I worked so hard to build the right kind of support for her, to always say the right thing, to step aside when needed, to jump in when needed. Today I feel like I set us back in time.
Words of wisdom? Anyone?
So... For about 4 years I have been really good about being the "go to" person for dsd; her dad carried the discipline, lecture, "here is what the right thing to do", kind of guy, and I was the non-judgemental one, the one that only offers advice when asked, the one that dsd knew was "safe". We haven't had a direct argument in.. lets see.... 4 years!
Well... Lets fast forward to today, shall we? In the morning, dsd and dp share a quick argument over appropriate clothes, all resolved, she does make one not-so-nice comment to him, something about "do you want me to show you the finger?" They resolve it, move on, all's fine and dandy... She changes, we go out, have fun, everyone is smiling and helping out with a big project at someone else's house.
HOURS LATER!
I find something really sweet DP wrote to his dad, when DP was a teen himself (and his dad was the kind of a UAV you cannot image). The letter really touches me. I'm between tears and super emotional, and overwhelemed with pride for the kind of person that DP is, and at the same time with disgust for his father. So... I share it with DSD, she giggles, and says "wow, this is really sweet". And what do I do??? Ya guessed it... I yell at her. I actually raised my voice on her, telling her that THIS is how you talk to your parents, not with "let me show you the finger", and swearing when you get upset, etc. etc. etc. Probably taking full 3 minutes on this. She goes from giddy by looking at her dad's letter, to grumpy, to crying.
I can't say I said the wrong thing, but the timing was awful, and the tone was awful, and it was just ugh... Not good.
Did I say "I'm sorry"? Yes. I did. A couple of times now. Is it working? I'm not so sure. (well, I'm sure it didn't the first time around, she walked off with "don't talk to me"). Now she's doing her homework. DP went out with her right after to talk, and calm her down, and now she's calm but distant. *sigh*
Will we get over this? I worked so hard to build the right kind of support for her, to always say the right thing, to step aside when needed, to jump in when needed. Today I feel like I set us back in time.
Words of wisdom? Anyone?
s
Follow Mothering