How do you prepare for a big baby?

[mataji4]

I have had some big babies. By that I mean big for my body, challenges for my body to birth, not just weight. My oldest boy's shoulders were stuck and needed manual twisting off my pubic bone by a midwife (he was 10,4). My youngest boy was more like a full body dystocia, and I really had to push him out through my cervix and down around my pubic bone and then out- took much effort. I tore with both of them. My last birth was so hard, and I wasn't scared in the moment b/c that wouldn't have helped- I just stayed determined to get him out! But he amazingly didn't restitute, so his shoulders came out diagonally so didn't get caught on my pubic bone (otherwise might have- he was 10,12 with very big shoulders).
So now I'm pregnant with another boy, and I'm feeling scared that he's going to be big and will get stuck. I'm scared of tearing, I'm scared of him growing too big for my body to birth. I think if my last had been ounces larger, I wouldn't have been able to get him out on my own and I'm afraid he would have died. Seriously, this is not casual fear.
However, I'm still planning a UC. I have a dear friend who is a midwife who is available to me if I need her for anything. I still trust my body's ability to birth. But I'm not feeling trusting of the baby's ability to grow to a sensible size!!!!! It's not predictable so I am having a hard time feeling like I can prepare, visualize the birth, etc.
Help!! Any words of wisdom? Advice? Reflection?

[rhiandmoi]

Originally Posted by mataji4

I have had some big babies. By that I mean big for my body, challenges for my body to birth, not just weight. My oldest boy's shoulders were stuck and needed manual twisting off my pubic bone by a midwife (he was 10,4). My youngest boy was more like a full body dystocia, and I really had to push him out through my cervix and down around my pubic bone and then out- took much effort. I tore with both of them. My last birth was so hard, and I wasn't scared in the moment b/c that wouldn't have helped- I just stayed determined to get him out! But he amazingly didn't restitute, so his shoulders came out diagonally so didn't get caught on my pubic bone (otherwise might have- he was 10,12 with very big shoulders).
So now I'm pregnant with another boy, and I'm feeling scared that he's going to be big and will get stuck. I'm scared of tearing, I'm scared of him growing too big for my body to birth. I think if my last had been ounces larger, I wouldn't have been able to get him out on my own and I'm afraid he would have died. Seriously, this is not casual fear.
However, I'm still planning a UC. I have a dear friend who is a midwife who is available to me if I need her for anything. I still trust my body's ability to birth. But I'm not feeling trusting of the baby's ability to grow to a sensible size!!!!! It's not predictable so I am having a hard time feeling like I can prepare, visualize the birth, etc.
Help!! Any words of wisdom? Advice? Reflection?

Does your DH have any "midwifing" experience? Maybe you should call your midwife friend to the house when feel like you are in transition so she can wait in the other room for you. It is not an ideal UC, but SD has to be resolved ASAP and a wait could be very dangerous. Sometimes you have to find a middle ground.

[Multimomma]

Jenney, have you UC'ed before? Based on your history, it sounds like it might not be the best fit for you or your baby (pun totally not intended, but I'm leaving it in for fun)

I have UCed several of my children, but I had a similar issue with my last two, which is why I am going with a midwife this time. I'm also following a diet for gestational diabetes, although I have never tested positive for such, because it will help keep the baby smaller and easier to birth. It's mostly limiting carbs, having smaller meals and spreading them throughout the day.

I'm due in December, when are you due?

[UnassistedMomma]

I sense a hesitation in your post. (and I know that tone can be hard to read in the written word, but....) I think most women in the UC community agree that some degree of listening to the inner voice, intuition, a mother's 6th sense, etc. is an integral part of the process. That hesitation that I'm sensing in you seems to me that you already know that you are probably not a good candidate for UC. As a PP said, sometimes you just have to find a middle ground. Known SD history in previous births is nothing to mess around with on your own.

[MJB]

I would not UC if I thought a shoulder dystocia was likely. I have babies on the big size of average (9 lbs.) but I pushed for 10 minutes with my first and 5 with my second and their bodies slid right out with their heads. If you have a friendly midwife I agree with calling her in transition (or sooner) to sit in the next room.

[channelofpeace]

Originally Posted by UnassistedMomma

I sense a hesitation in your post. (and I know that tone can be hard to read in the written word, but....) I think most women in the UC community agree that some degree of listening to the inner voice, intuition, a mother's 6th sense, etc. is an integral part of the process. That hesitation that I'm sensing in you seems to me that you already know that you are probably not a good candidate for UC. As a PP said, sometimes you just have to find a middle ground. Known SD history in previous births is nothing to mess around with on your own.

I agree with this. Listening to your intuition isn't just for when it is telling you that everything is going to be fine. You said this:

Originally Posted by mataji4

I still trust my body's ability to birth. But I'm not feeling trusting of the baby's ability to grow to a sensible size!!!!!

which seems to indicate you believe it is a possibility that you will grow a baby that is bigger than your body would easily be able to handle. And given your history, it seems like you might be correct. If you need assistance, get assistance, there is no shame in it. UC (to me) is about being an authority on your body and knowing what is best for you and your baby and listening to your gut. And sometimes that leads you to outside help.

[mataji4]

I did uc my last baby, my biggest and hardest. It was incredible what my body did.

I'm due end of July.

I do not have gestational diabetes. In fact, my blood sugar is very very low. I do have an excellent diet and do limit carbs and when I do eat carbs it's whole grains. I do limit sugar as well.

I should say that besides my two "big" babies, my other two babies at 8,10 and 9,7 were delivered very, very easily and quickly.

I think my midwife friend would be glad to hang out downstairs or whatever we needed from her, but it's just interesting...I think part of what gave me strength to birth my last baby was the knowledge that I was on my own and I just tapped into this amazing ability to labor him into the world that I might not have found had someone been there to whine and complain to, or if someone there was worried about me. Do you know what I mean?

It's nice to have a forum to sort this out somewhat outloud without judgement. Thank you all.

[prettypixels]

Originally Posted by mataji4

I did uc my last baby, my biggest and hardest. It was incredible what my body did.

I'm due end of July.

I do not have gestational diabetes. In fact, my blood sugar is very very low. I do have an excellent diet and do limit carbs and when I do eat carbs it's whole grains. I do limit sugar as well.

I should say that besides my two "big" babies, my other two babies at 8,10 and 9,7 were delivered very, very easily and quickly.

I think my midwife friend would be glad to hang out downstairs or whatever we needed from her, but it's just interesting...I think part of what gave me strength to birth my last baby was the knowledge that I was on my own and I just tapped into this amazing ability to labor him into the world that I might not have found had someone been there to whine and complain to, or if someone there was worried about me. Do you know what I mean?

It's nice to have a forum to sort this out somewhat outloud without judgement. Thank you all.

It's so important to listen to your instincts, and to me it sounds like your instincts are saying that you may need help with this birth. Personally I'd rather err on the side of having help and not needing it than the other way around.

[lovestolearn]

I think my midwife friend would be glad to hang out downstairs or whatever we needed from her, but it's just interesting...I think part of what gave me strength to birth my last baby was the knowledge that I was on my own and I just tapped into this amazing ability to labor him into the world that I might not have found had someone been there to whine and complain to, or if someone there was worried about me. Do you know what I mean?

I do. I would suggest doing some EFT for your fears and also having some chats with your baby and asking him/her to help you out by growing to a comfortable size that works for both of you.

[mataji4]

Originally Posted by lovestolearn

I do. I would suggest doing some EFT for your fears and also having some chats with your baby and asking him/her to help you out by growing to a comfortable size that works for both of you.

Yes, I have been communicating with him about it! And I am starting to shape a good visualization of the birth.

I have a visit with my midwife friend tomorrow, our first formal visit, and I'm sure it will help to talk with her about all of this.

[SaoirseC]

IMO, it makes sense that if you think there's a possibility you might have shoulder dystocia to have someone present for the birth who can safely manage that situation. It makes sense to me to seek help when it's needed, and not to go against your intuition.

[claddaghmom]

Well I have been paying even more attentionto my diet than last time (and last time I thought I was doing good lol).

I'm also going to do a lot more in terms of preparing my spine, pelvis and cervix. After birthing DD I did more research and learned the "names" to my "problems" which include piriformis syndrme, SPD, SI smoothness and dysfunction, etc. I think DD's slow birth and malposition was related to how closed my body was from my sports injuries.

If you're worried specifically about SD, I would say to make sure you have someone present who has learned about it and practiced it, watched it, etc. Just go through the steps of WWYD.

[mataji4]

Had a great visit with my midwife friend. She watched my last baby's birth video and it was so neat to hear what she had to say about his birth. Essentially she said why my labor and birth was so lengthy and hard was a head size issue, his body just slid right out after his huge head was born. And she said this baby's head size will probably not increase, and this is my 5th baby so the likelihood of cpd (baby being too big to birth) is pretty much entirely unlikely, and that she didn't think I should be more worried than the average person about shoulder dystocia. That was all comforting.
I also have questions about my husband's ability to support me on his own- last time I think was hard on him too. So I asked my friend to be at the birth in a support role, and then if there was some emergency she could jump in on that. She'll be out of town for a couple of days the day after my due date, so we'll see.
I feel so much more at ease and positive and not worried just from all the talking! It's amazing.