How to explain aspergers to playgroup moms?

[Peacemamalove]

My daughter has aspergers. I am finding it hard to put in words how to explain this to other playgroup moms. My daughter is clearly in her own little world most of the time and very very sensory orientated. I have had moms ask me if she has autism etc etc.

I guess I am just looking for support and words.

[Linda on the move]

I don't know. I find being my DD's mother to be very isolating because I've never figured this out.

May be instead of trying to explain Asperger's, you could stick with explaining the specific things going on. I explain my DD's sensory stuff by saying that she processes sensory input different than most people, so some things she enjoys more and some things that aren't scary to other people are scary to her.

My DD's dx has bounced around over the years and is currently asperger's. If asked if she has autism, I would say that she has high functioning, a-typical autism. When talking about my DDs special needs I usually include the fact that she has above average intellegence because most people assume that she is cognitively challenged.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

You know, I just say what she's got and move on. Not in a terse way, but really just matter-of-factly. I don't want the playground/playgroup to turn into "educate the masses" day, because I want to focus on VeeGee and "show don't tell" how to interact with her. The point is to teach her how to be around people, right?

The playground/group is tough for us. Really tough. Her default mode (because she's not a great communicator) is "monster" and it gets REALLY old REALLY fast (for me). I just try to do as much redirection as possible, in there with the kids, instead of sitting with the parents. For example, "Who's going to be the monster next?!" Sure, her play "skills" are different than other kids', but I try to show her and them that they can still have fun together (or, even, separately, but in the same general space). Tuned in parents will see this and understand. There will be other times for teaching.

I find, too, that it's more for my benefit that I want to tell her whole story. I want to, kind of, defend her behavior. I'm trying to learn to just be calm and let her play, and deflect the in-depth questioning for a time where it's not all about the play.

HTH

[sbgrace]

Originally Posted by Peacemamalove

My daughter has aspergers. I am finding it hard to put in words how to explain this to other playgroup moms. My daughter is clearly in her own little world most of the time and very very sensory orientated. I have had moms ask me if she has autism etc etc.

I guess I am just looking for support and words.

It can feel really alone. I find special needs parenting to be really isolating. Things like this (people putting labels on your kid for being different) are very painful to me. I don't think what I'm going to say is very supportive so I apologize in advance for that.

She does have autism/is on the autism spectrum. They've clearly picked up on that and so keeping dx. to yourself isn't an option I guess. I'd just say "yep, Asperger's" and leave it at that. The vast majority of people are as aware of Aspergers as they are autism in general. Of course their visions aren't usually accurate in either case but in the case of Aspergers the (again, not accurate to make the sweeping general distinctions, all of us spectrum moms know that) assumption tends to be more positive.

[mistymama]

I know how hard this is .. my 7 year old ds is also an Aspie. I usually just throw in there that his dx is Aspergers and leave it at that unless they ask more questions. Most people act shocked becuase they don't understand the dx, and they'll say "But he's so smart" or "But he doesn't seem Austistic" .. it's hard because ds is very high functioning.

At the pool on Saturday he kept trying to play with kids who were not interested. Because he wasn't looking at their faces (or even really listening to them) he didn't see or hear when they said No, they didn't want to play. Instead ds was going off on all the rules of this game he was making up .. that no one wanted to play. I just try to jump in and redirect as much as I can, but trust me, I know how hard it can be.

Most people just don't get it. But everyone knows about Autism, so I just usually say it's on the spectrum, he's high functioning but does make some things more difficult for him and leave it at that. Then I try to redirect and help him as best I can in social situations.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by mistymama

At the pool on Saturday he kept trying to play with kids who were not interested. Because he wasn't looking at their faces (or even really listening to them) he didn't see or hear when they said

you might try a social skills class. This is one of the things they worked on my DD's

[Nicolas05]

Originally Posted by Peacemamalove

My daughter has aspergers. I am finding it hard to put in words how to explain this to other playgroup moms. My daughter is clearly in her own little world most of the time and very very sensory orientated. I have had moms ask me if she has autism etc etc.

I guess I am just looking for support and words.

According to me giving moral support and encouragement can have a drastic reduce in their disease. Even social classes and therapies are also the good treatments to recover easily.

[AnalogWife]

I don't tell people, but I also don't go to many playgroups. I feel that once people hear "the 'a' word" that they'll immediately jump to conclusions and shut themselves off from getting to know my DS. I don't like it when people assume they know who I am, I like it even less when it happens to my pride and joy! I've gotten heat about abandoning the "opportunity to teach" people about ASD, but I figure let someone else do it, at this moment I don't want to give my son that kind of job.

[confustication]

People don't usually know with DD right off the bat- they will notice her quirks after a while, but we don't make an issue of it. She is very high functioning, profoundly gifted, and socially- well socially she's herself. She intellectually peers with older kids, and socially with younger kids- it makes it really hard. There are no social skills classes available where we live, or I would have her signed up.

[by-the-lake]

My DD has Aspie. Previously, when people have asked if she has autism, and I have said 'yes', I got alot of 'but she talks so well', or 'she is so social', because to the untrained eye, these things appear to be true.
Now I just briefly explain,'autism is a spectrum like a rainbow, there are many shades of it. DD has aspergers, its on the spectrum'. People, at least around where I am, seem to have somewhat of a grasp on the basic concept.

[christinelin]

I am pretty open, but it has gotten easier with time -- as I have gotten more comfortable with what it means for my son. My DS had his first soccer practice today. I introduced him to the coach and said DS has Asperger's Syndrome, which is mild autism. I added that if I hadn't mentioned it, it is entirely possible the coach never would have noticed, but I mention it because it can sometimes explain why DS has some slightly different reactions to some things. I added that he has some mild motor/coordination delays.

The coach was lovely, totally unfazed (I actually find most people are pretty good about it). He said, "He's a boy -- he'll have a good time playing soccer." And he did.

[mistymama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

you might try a social skills class. This is one of the things they worked on my DD's

That's a very good idea - I actually found one in our area!

Ds goes to public school, mainly for the services he receives there. Academically he's way ahead, so most of his services center around social skills - like how to approach kids at the playground, reading faces, etc. It's helping, but I think we could do more at home to supplement.

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

If this is a playgroup that you meet with frequently, how about setting up a mom's group meeting without the kids? The purpose being to build friendships and a support network among the moms. I was a part of something like this years ago. We did book club type discussions, parenting issues, natural living, healthy eating, etc. You could maybe do a discussion on autism, and find more support than you realized was available. I have Asperger's, but I'm really not 'out' about it unless I find other people who already know about it.

[ElsieLC]

My kid has a different special need but it does affect her interactions in playgroups. When another mom asked, "Is there anything I can tell my daughter about how best to play with your daughter?" I was thrilled. The kids are 2. I was able to think of one thing on the spot (DD wears hearing aids and she didn't realize her friend was talking to her, so I said, "The kids should be facing each other when they're talking").

I have a vision of all of DD's playgroup friends and families gradually learning about hearing aids so that by the time the kids are in school together, DD will have friends who help advocate for her and other HOH kids because it will seem a natural part of playing together.