If you are an adult only child.... - Page 2

[Jessy1019]

I love, love, LOVED being an only child. If I didn't also love being pregnant and having a newborn, I would have stopped after having one child, myself. I occasionally feel like I shortchanged my own kids, in a way, because *I* wanted the experience of having more than one.

As an adult, I sometimes wish I had a sibling to share my mom with . . . but ultimately, I am really grateful for the childhood I had being an only. My parents treated me like an equal as much as possible, I always had lots of attention, I was never starved for playmates because my friends were welcome at our house all the time, and overall, it was just great. Of course, I try to give my kids similar experiences -- treating them like "adults" the way I enjoyed being treated -- but there are some dynamics that just change when you have another baby.

[artgoddess]

Another one for having issues more as an adult than I did as a child. I wanted a sibling, but it wasn't anything terribly disappointing. My parents didn't choose to have an only child it was out of their hands so that made it sort of easier to accept for me as a kid.

But as an adult there is something missing. I don't have a person who shares my memories, who I feel I can call and cry to when my parents need my care. It's much lonelier now than it was then. And I hear a lot from people who don't get a long with siblings or who take on the burden with no help from siblings, but it's hard to explain why it's just different. Really, if you got hit by a bus social services might have someone to at least call and ask what to do with your mom? My mom not so much.

[velochic]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98

Just as an FYI, being an only or one of twelve has little to do with eldercare!! I am the youngest of 4, and I have been handling, literally, EVERYTHING for my elderly parents for the past many years.

It seems there is one child, in most multi-sibling families, that becomes the sole caregiver. In our family, that's me. Forget about geography, they don't even bother to phone to check on Mom (either to me or to Mom). Dad died a couple of years ago, their interest in that was momentary. They aren't nasty, they're just too wrapped-up in their own lives to have much concern for their parent's lives.

Our parents have been the best, always supportive to their children. That three of the four have been so uninvolved has been really hurtful to them.

Honestly, I think their biggest concern with our Mom is whether there will be a big inheritance for them. They'll be surprised when the will is read...............

Had I been an only, I would have always known, expected and planned to be the sole caregiver for my parents. To have siblings makes you always hope that, maybe, just maybe, they'll come forward and do their share. Knowing my siblings from the get-go, they've never disappointed me in their refusal to step up to the plate.

There is 18 years difference between me and my eldest sibling. The two oldest hit college before I was toddling. My older brother is 5 years older and was physically abusive to me and has been estranged from our entire family for years.

All in all, I wish I had been an only, even though, in essence (because of ages), I was.

Dh was an only and thought it would be nice to have had siblings to help shoulder the concerns over his parents. Seeing that having siblings doesn't equal having help & support has made him glad he was a single!

Our ds is an only, by choice. We have already made our plans for our senior years, so he will not have to be burdened with certain decisions.

We have a better support network through friends than we do through the traditional family.

I think that family is what you make of it, not biology.

I could have posted this. Almost to the letter, except we have a dd and there will be no inheritance from my mother, who we financially support.

And can I add that because we have an only, financially providing for ourselves for our elder years will not be a problem. We can provide well for her now and well for ourselves later.

[LROM]

I had a great time growing up as an only child. And my mom was essentially a single mom who worked full time and got her graduate degree while I was between 6-10, and I still remember her as a really hands on, very present mom.

After school I went home with a girl in my class and her mom babysat me until my mom picked me up (I think I often had dinner at their house), they had another older daughter and they were like extended family to me, so I had others around a lot and was actually very happy to be alone with my mom when I got home and on weekends.

We also lived in neighborhoods where there were many other kids my age so when I got older and could play outside on my own, I could usually find someone I knew hanging out and not have to do my own thing (although I did my own thing a lot - I liked doing my own thing as well as playing with outhers).

I never ever wondered why I didn't have siblings or felt left out.

It is only as an adult with aging parents that I first started to feel alone and that I wished I had siblings. My mom died when I was a teenager actually, and as an adult I found myself wishing there was someone else in this world who had experienced her fantastic mothering and knew her as a mother. And with my dad I worry about if/when he needs taking care of, I'm the only one to handle that and I have wished I was not alone in worrying about him.

Other than that though, I think my mom including me in so much, taking me to work with her often enough that I was very comfy in her office and around her coworkers so I had a good picture of where she was when she wasn't with me, and didn't feel alone.

And she came to my school events and parent teacher mtgs etc, so I guess I am trying to say that by being so hands on, I didn't feel like I lacked anything or wasn't connected and didn't miss not having a sibling.

Good luck with your decision!

[baby-makes-3]

Thanks for the responses -- I'm honestly surprised, I thought most would be favorable, but it seems the majority do wish they had different experiences.

Thanks for the insight! Doesn't make the decision easier, but thanks.