The invisible Grandma - Page 2

[2xy]

Originally Posted by Lady Mayapple

So you'd THINK that she would want to be involved with her own kids and grandkids, but she did tell me flat-out one day that her friends were her family.

I don't know if it's ever occurred to you that some people only had children because it's what's expected? Not everyone dotes on their children. Heck, I have a friend whose mother flat-out told him that if she could do it all over again, she never would have gotten married or had children. Let's just say she's not a good grandmother, either.

But that isnt a reason to act and live like you have no blood family at all. Are her "friends" going to manage her finances when she is elderly and ill? Are they going to arrange her funeral when she dies?

Um....possibly. My mother's friends know way more about her life and finances than I do. I'm an only child and we're not close. She lives a couple of thousand miles away from me.

On another note, she sent DD a birthday present. It's a beautiful doll bed, but more appropriate for a much older child. I had to disassmble it and put it away because DD got hurt playing with it.

Sounds like your MIL is damned-if-she-does and damned-if-she-doesn't.

DH says he thinks MIL might be more involved "when the kids get older and she can do more with them". I told him by that point it will be too late. She only wants to do the easy stuff and have "fun". That's not being a grandparent, not in my book.

What "hard stuff" is she supposed to be doing?

You can't control other people; you can only control your reaction to them. It sounds to me like you are spending a lot of your energy on being annoyed at this woman. If your kids have other grandparents who do things with them, I say be thankful for that and forget about your MIL.

[Lady Mayapple]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I don't know if it's ever occurred to you that some people only had children because it's what's expected? Not everyone dotes on their children. Heck, I have a friend whose mother flat-out told him that if she could do it all over again, she never would have gotten married or had children. Let's just say she's not a good grandmother, either.









You can't control other people; you can only control your reaction to them. It sounds to me like you are spending a lot of your energy on being annoyed at this woman. If your kids have other grandparents who do things with them, I say be thankful for that and forget about your MIL.

HA! That is so ironic that you'd say that. MIL isn't well known for making decisions based on what she wants, she's actually kind of a doormat. She once told me that she decided to get married to FIL because a friend of FIL's told her she would "have beautiful children with him". She then proceeded to spend the next two decades of her life complaining and being miserable, and took the first chance she got to get away from FIL and basically erase her family life forever.

I know I can't control other people and I don't have the desire or time to, believe me. But I'm the one who has to listen to DH's endless conversations about it, and unfortunately if and when that day comes, DH WILL be the one taking care of all of those complicated end-of-life things, especially with FIL because MIL and FIL are divorced and MIL has absolutely no contact with FIL any longer. Even though SIL lives in the same state as MIL and FIL, we HIGHLY doubt that she will do anything to help. That's just how she is-apples dont fall far from the tree.
Why does this concern me? We are a low income family with very limited resources. DH would have to buy plane tickets, fly down there, spend a week or more taking care of everything, probably have to pay for a hotel, leaving me up here alone with three children. Driving is not an option because I am NOT being stranded for a week or more with no car, and we only have one car. I don't want that kind of drain on my finances or stress in my life. Who knows, it's probably a moot point anyhow. We will never have the cash in the bank to pay for such a trip, and probably not enough available credit either. Bah...
Thank you for your input, though. I do appreciate it.

[rlmueller]

My children have no aunt--my sister. And sister blames me. I could rail and rail and hem and haw. I'm getting at piece. I feel you though and I'm sorry.

[txbikegrrl]

If her friends are rich does that mean she has some money also? If so DH should make it clear that she needs to start making "end of life" arrangments and let her know if she'd like him to come down to help with anything (he could be as vague or specific as needed) she will need to have some money available given your current financial situation. He wouldn't HAVE to go there he could let SIL and/or the rich friends take care of things.