When your X moves

[Halfasianmomma]

My STBX has indicated to me that he is moving on May 31st and that for this reason, he will be cancelling his visitation with DD that week-end. I did not offer him any alternate visitation time, but then, he didn't ask (just like this Sunday where he cancelled his visit by texting me at 5 a.m. to say that he'd been kicked out of his building because of a gas leak...which may or may not be true).

He has not told me where he is moving to, but I assume that he will, since he'll need me to drive DD to him (I plan on stopping this once I get his address). My question is this: should I ask him to see the place to make sure that DD has a space to nap and whatnot (last I heard, he'd rented out DD's old room to some guy), or should I just ask him and trust him? He's not the most trustworthy person in the world...

I'm trying to reverse the situation, and I think I would be ok with him knowing where I live (when I move out of my parents' house that is) and come to see that the accomodations are adequate for DD, even if I have been the primary caregiver since DD's birth and have sole custody.

Input anyone?

[Ceinwen]

I think it depends on the relationship.

My ex specifically asked me to help him find a suitable place, and I vetoed a few that he thought were great.

That was during a specific time in our divorce, and the way we were both feeling.

Neither of us have any issue showing the other person around our house. For example - I redid both my girls bedrooms (painting, decorating) and they wanted to show him. So dad came in for a tour.

The only awkwardness there was that this was the house we used to live in together, so it was a bit weird for him to see changes we had made, some of my gf's furniture from when she moved in, etc.

I can see if (in the future) he got a new place (apartment/house) with a new partner, that it wouldn't be the same - not like I'd get a say in where he was living at that time.

In the end though, I know that when we first separated, we were both really interested in the girls' best interest, and wanted to make sure they had similar home environments.

As an aside - that's why I turned down spousal support even though I qualified for it. He pays the provincially mandated child support - but the money he would have paid me goes towards the nice apartment he lives in.

I didn't want my kids to have a nice house here with me, and live in a dump with their dad - NOT that I'm saying this is a good idea for everyone, but for us it made sense.

Sorry. Kind of rambly. For me it comes down to the relationship. Your ex can definitely refuse to let you see his new place, but he may be open to it if you tell him that you are open to letting him see any new digs you may have in the future.

That's what I tell my ex - what goes around comes around.

[One_Girl]

I think that depends on if you have control over the situation if he is living in a place that will force dd to nap somewhere that isn't ideal to you. If he has no visitation time spelled out in the divorce decree then I you aren't obligated to give him time with her. If he does though, then you are obligated to give him the time it says even if you don't want her napping on a couch or his bed. If that is the case then you won't have much say and you may only start an argument that you can't win so it may not be worth the energy. Sole custody doesn't give you a legal right to cut out the visitation that is set out in the decree, though it would be very nice if it did.