Replacing Anniversary??

[NewMom0208]

ok, so we finally really, confirmed, absolutely split March 24th this year

We were separated last year in May so I didn't get to celebrate my 23th anniversary, I went out and celebrated my accomplishments instead...hmmm
I am almost answering the questions I am about to ask...almost there. bear with me.

He came back, no idea why he came back or why I allowed him, in September 2009 and I kicked him out March 24th.
This year May 21 would have been our 24th anniversary...

But you know what, I think this marriage was over when he left last time Octuber 2008..! It my eyes it is like that since all this time he did Zero to work on the relationship.

I know, I know I am rambling. Still I feel nervous and I have no idea what my emotional state will be this coming Friday.

Actually it is a 3 day nightmare. We celebrated this way:

May 19: Marriage License
May 20th: Actual Wedding
May 21th: The day imprinted in our rings (no idea where that piece of gold is at) because we changed the date last minute due to air ticket prices.

Sooo. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday this week is a bad spot.

May 19, My son turns 2 years and 3 months. So I think I will celebrate that instead. Every Year May 19 he will be X+3 months as he was born Feb 19.

May 20th. no plans. So I guess I'll make a list of my accomplishments and celebrated those?

May 21st, A male friend is taking me to the movies to avoid a nervous breakdown.

Am I right to replace the anniversay with something else? Would it be better to pretend it is just onre more day in the calendar?

We used to make a big deal out of these 3 days and always took them off and did something really special...

What do you think? How do you deal with it.
do you deal with it at all?

[carriemama]

This is hard, mama!

I like the idea of doing something different to celebrate those days, but I also think that doing that keeps them as "special" days that need to be acknowledged, kwim?

Granted, I wasn't with my STBX as long as you were with yours, but my 5th anniversary just passed, and since we are still legally married (please, let this divorce be final already!) I just noted it as a weird/strange day, but just went along with it being just another normal day. I'm hoping that with time it will be just that - probably not something I will forget, but not something I will hang onto, either.

Either way, love your kids and love yourself and hang in there!

[Avani]

I think over time it just passes without you thinking so much about it. Right now it is still pretty fresh. My unfortunate wedding day was New Years Eve. I didn't want to marry on that day but gave in. THis year was the first year where i completly enjoyed the day without even thinking about what it once meant to me. And i am four years out of my marriage. I still get sad on certain holidays but not because of him but because i miss having an intact family to celebrate. It gets easier with each passing holiday. I think you have the right idea though.

[Labbemama]

Yeah, we have some anniversaries coming up.

For our 18th anniversary he got served with chid support orders. I hadn't planned to get him anything.

But I'm celebrating our "independence day" instead, July 11, 2009. The day my kids and I left a very violent home.

Memorial day will be hard for me because my brother and sil's wedding day is the day he jacked up my fingers and wrist. it's gonna be one year and I'm still not back to normal usage of it.

I would like to be divorced before I'm married to ex another year. LOL. but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. (Anniversary, aug. 1.)

Luckily we've already had the first birthdays, Christmas, and Thanksgiving without ex, so it's only onward and upward from here. Keeping traditions we like and creating new ones.

I actually celebrated mother's day without someone screwing it up for me.

[Oh the Irony]

The first couple of years I did mark the antiversary.

I just took some good me time, burned some stuff, buried the ring, etc. It was very healing.

Four years later it doesn't hold a charge or much significance. I imagine the year will come when I don't even remember it.

[NewMom0208]

The first couple of years I did mark the antiversary.

I just took some good me time, burned some stuff, buried the ring, etc. It was very healing.

Four years later it doesn't hold a charge or much significance. I imagine the year will come when I don't even remember it.

Funny, I was just thinking on getting the ring melted into something else and then donated to charity. I have to find it first, lol!

I took it off in 2006 when he cheated for the first time, i should have removed more than the ring though.

i think i have plans A and B, I will first try to make it 'just another day' if I get too emotional, I will celebrate something. With the ex, I am an expert on plans A and B!

[Labbemama]

Oh the Irony-I love how you word it-the anti-versary. Very witty. Going to use that.

[FourTrees]

I always just ignored mine and got depressed. I really think that even if I had tried to replace it, I would have still been depressed. I remember one of the first years after my separation I was sitting at work and overcome with the urge to rip all of the calendars to shreds! Then a year later I remember writing a check at Earthfare on my lunch break and when I wrote the date I thought, "wow, it's my anniversary and I never even noticed!" Then last year, many years later, I didn't even notice it until a week afterwards. It just takes time.... Eventually it fades away and turns into another day of the year.

[Lilypie32]

I would do what you think would make you happy and forget about what the dates meant previously. I've been divorced 2 years and I never remember our anniversary.

[papayapetunia]

Our anniversary is on New Year's Eve, so I *have* to replace it! We flew every year to visit his family after the holidays, and every 31st we'd have our anniversary in the sky. We also always had sushi. This past year was the worst, because he left on that day to go be with the other woman. This next one, I'm doing something awesome. I'm either having a huge party, or he's watching the kids and I'm going out.