Sibling rivalry--will it ever get better?

[flatstanley72]

DD is almost 4 and DS just turned 1. DD was doing pretty well with DS until he started walking. Now that he is very mobile and needs almost constant supervision and attention, DD is really having a hard time. She's fine when DS is napping or when DH is home and one of us can give her one-on-one attention. But anytime one of us has to care for both of them at the same time (which is most of the day and usually me since I SAH), she is acting up, testing limits, making messes, doing things that are dangerous, etc. She has also completely regressed in pottying. She will almost never go on the potty anymore and will never go potty without me telling her to. She says she wants to be a baby and that she doesn't want to have a baby brother anymore. I can understand how she's feeling and I feel for her, but I don't know what to do to make things more manageable around here.

[Linda on the move]

It gets LOTS easier! You are really at the low point right now.

I really like the book "Siblings without Rivals" (or something like that). It's been ages since I read it, but I found it super helpful when my kids were little!

Good luck!

[lyra1977]

Ummm...maybe? I was 2.5 when my little brother was born and according to my parents we fought like cats and dogs from the start. At least we fought constantly from what I can remember starting from age 5 or so. When I moved out to attend college it started getting better and now we are friends! I've also heard "Siblings without Rivalry" recommended by others, although I haven't read it yet. I did recently read "Nurtureshock" which has a great chapter about sibling relationships that might at least reassure you that your kids are normal. Hope it gets better for all of you.

[Learning_Mum]

Definitely get better! When DS2 started getting a bit bigger and walking etc, DS1 would just be constantly beating the snot out of him (OK, not quite, but I got so sick of saying "Gentle", "Get off your brother", "Not so rough", "He doesn't like that, he's telling you no".)

Now DS2 is almost 2yo and DS1 is 4yo and they are really good friends. They are so sweet together, play really nicely, and honestly, get kinda bored when the other one is not around. They are definitely happier when they are together. That's not to say I don't find myself telling DS1 to lay off DS2 but it is much less common!

[mamadelbosque]

IDK. My brother & I fought horribly till I moved in w/ dad at 17, but up untill that point (and including the 2yrs while my parents were getting divorced before I moved out), it was bad. I think some kids just have too dissimilar (or maybe its too similar?) personalities to get along day in and day out. I'm hoping thats not the case with mine, but who knows. DH assures me that he and his sister also fought horribly.

Nearly 9 yrs later, my brother & I get along fairly well, as do DH & his sister. But theres still some tension in both of our relationships. (I admit to still calling my brother psycho occasionally... that was my nickname for him in highschool )

[rightkindofme]

Honestly... maybe. It's a hard thing to predict. It depends on the individual personalities involved and how you react to them fighting. In my experience (I haven't read books on the topic) one of the things that helps kids have better relationships is to allow them a lot of space if they need/want it. Forcing them to be together all the time kind of blows up and causes resentments that just don't go away.

[Peony]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

Honestly... maybe. It's a hard thing to predict. It depends on the individual personalities involved and how you react to them fighting. In my experience (I haven't read books on the topic) one of the things that helps kids have better relationships is to allow them a lot of space if they need/want it. Forcing them to be together all the time kind of blows up and causes resentments that just don't go away.

Agreed. My sister and I are 2 years apart and only got along after I moved out. We are friendly as adults but there is a distance, we are not close by any means. My first two kids fight and then play, fight and then play, repeat ALL DAY LONG. On the days that it is really bad, I separate them, send DD1 off with a friend, she is 7 so I do have that option. DS is one and isn't really entered the picture yet but will be very soon....