Advice for a May mom... - Page 2

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by nikirj

Everyone told you that life would be different after you had a baby. THIS IS WHAT THEY MEANT.

Lmao, Niki!

I am, like, the worst person to ask for newborn advice b/c our newborns have all been pretty laid back & I'm always like, "Eh, they'll be okay."

DD1 HATED being on her back from the beginning. Hated, even to play. Began putting her on her stomach to sleep, even in our bed. Was paranoid that she would die, but I went to bed every night anyway. She did not die & slept on her belly for the whole first year. That was just her, no allergies, no reflux.

DD2 sleeps in the Boppy all the dang time. I read a piece on supporting the natural c curve of the newborn spine (can't find it now, of course) & the Boppy supports that curve. She only naps in it, supervised. If I think she is slouched down too much, I pull her back up. It also tricks babies into thinking they are being held

If you are worried about having your baby sleep on his belly at night when you are also asleep, you can always put him on his belly for naps when you are awake to supervise. I like to do this w/ dd2 b/c it helps to prevent flat head and bald spots.

[dogretro]

Snoopy, you can TOTALLY bounce the bouncy chair w/ your foot while watching tv or surfing the net! Not that I would know this from experience or anything.. And not as helpful w/a toddler running around, but still

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by nikirj

I can't think of a way to say this gently...

Release those expectations. They were unrealistic to begin with and are just holding you back from enjoying your reality now.

I expect my babies to cry their little heads off, eat all the time, and never want to be put down. When they do otherwise I'm happily surprised. I expect my babies to consume my energy and attention entirely for the first month of their lives. When I have time or energy for anything else, I'm happily surprised.

Everyone told you that life would be different after you had a baby. THIS IS WHAT THEY MEANT. Some of us have to go through a really heavy trial-by-fire initiation into parenthood. Others have a really smooth transition. Most of us are somewhere in between. But no matter how you go through it, it IS an initiation and it IS difficult.

I can't say this enough - release your expectations. Find what works for you and your family and go with it, knowing that you can always change it up later. You and your baby are still figuring each other out, give yourselves time to do that before you worry about things like "habits" (like there can be any such thing when they're developing so fast!).

First, thank you for being so blunt & honest. It's what I needed. I guess I've just been around people who've had an easier transition than I am having. We're working it out. DS is still inconsolable most of the day -- nursing hourly but not napping much. Huge fits around 11:00 pm and then sleeping on my chest all night. I know it will get better. I spoke to my LC today (was worried about the constant feeding & no sleeping), but she assured me that it was totally normal, and that next week would be worse. Then things begin to settle... maybe. We'll get through this.

For everyone else, thank you for the feedback and advice. I finally got him in the beco today, and he is currently snoring away. I'm sure this will help. As for help around the house, the answer is no. It's just me during the day. DH has to work and I have no family here. Most of my friends also work, so there's not really anyone that I can call. I've been tossing around the idea of getting a postpartum doula or someone to come in for an hour or two a day to "relieve" me so I can take a break. DH's been doing his best, but is getting more & more frustrated. We're taking it day by day & telling ourselves that it only gets better and the reward is unimaginable.

Thanks again for setting a newbie like myself straight I've let go of the fantasy and grasped on to reality.

[maydaymom10]

Originally Posted by dogretro

DD1 HATED being on her back from the beginning. Hated, even to play. Began putting her on her stomach to sleep, even in our bed. Was paranoid that she would die, but I went to bed every night anyway. She did not die & slept on her belly for the whole first year. That was just her, no allergies, no reflux.

This was our freak out last night. Looked like DS was going to quiet down swaddled on his belly. We finally decided to let him go with it, but then of course he woke up. I think we'll try again. Even though I'm so scared he'll die, it might be our only option for some sleep. You've given me renewed hope

[ivymae]

Originally Posted by maydaymom10

I've been tossing around the idea of getting a postpartum doula or someone to come in for an hour or two a day to "relieve" me so I can take a break. DH's been doing his best, but is getting more & more frustrated. We're taking it day by day & telling ourselves that it only gets better and the reward is unimaginable.

Thanks again for setting a newbie like myself straight I've let go of the fantasy and grasped on to reality.

If you have the resources, a PP doula is a great gift to yourself (or from your husband for mother's day!). You may also look at local homeschooling groups - My local one has a couple teenagers who want to earn money, have experience with siblings, and are free during the middle of the day.

As hard as it is, remember that most people choose to do it again (and again and again, and OH man it's even harder when there is also a angry toddler screaming at your feet) so you KNOW it gets better. It is 100% okay to feel overwhelmed right now, but trust that this will pass, and you will look back on this as a pretty important time in your life. Just experience it as it comes. You are in very good company.

[jenfl]

Originally Posted by maydaymom10

This was our freak out last night. Looked like DS was going to quiet down swaddled on his belly. We finally decided to let him go with it, but then of course he woke up. I think we'll try again. Even though I'm so scared he'll die, it might be our only option for some sleep. You've given me renewed hope

I made the decision to let DS sleep on his stomach after a night when he woke every 30 minutes - 1 hour. The chances of him and me being miserable were 100%; the chances of SIDS were small.

I still wake up at night and check on him. I still worry. But I did a lot of research before I made the decision, and I know all the SIDS risk factors. It was a rough choice to make that first night, but it has improved sleep tremendously for us.

It's a very personal choice to make.