I just figured out something about twins

[f&p'smama]

So I may be a bit dense that it took me 5 years to get this.

When I'm out with just my singleton, who is nearly 2-1/2, it is amazing how much easier he is than when his sisters are around. He generally stays by me, he gets into his car seat without a big fuss, etc. When the girls are around, he will act like a yahoo, running from me, climbing into the front seat instead of his car seat, etc. This his how his sisters behaved all the time at 2-1/2 and they were so difficult I wanted to cry. Kids act differently when another kid is around. Duh! Perhaps my girls would have been easier if they'd been out with just me, instead of as a team.

[OGirlieMama]

Oh yes! Every so often, (not nearly often enough - maybe every few months) we split the girls up on a weekend morning. My husband takes one, I take the other, and we do errands and lunch, then meet up for the rest of the day. It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is, regardless of which daughter I have with me! She's always so focused on me and what I have to say, and totally cooperative. It's actually an amazing relief and validation that (a) my children really aren't Satan's spawn and (b) twins really *are* harder.

[Gena 22]

OMG, thank you for this observation. After a long weekend of tearing my hair out, your theory makes SO MUCH SENSE! We'll try some alone time. Thanks!

[4Marmalade]

Considering it feels like I just spent most of my morning dealing with screaming and crying that I swear wouldn't be happening if I had only one toddler I tend to agree with you . My two are total copycats so anything one does to get in trouble or get a reaction from us the other does right afterwards.

[queenofchaos]

I have 6 kids, and I tell you, this infighting/misbehavior when in a group happens whether you've got twins or not. My twins aren't here yet, I am 32 wks pg. It's amazing how different my kids are when I have just one with me. Even just 2 is sometimes OK. But only if there is an age difference greater than 4 yrs or so. I love having individual time with my kids. It's really hard to come by tho.

[OGirlieMama]

I always think of it this way. I don't just have twins = two children at once. I have Lillian, and I have Kate, and each of them have their own quirks and issues. But then there is this third entity, LillyKate, that is the combined forces of their personalities. And that combined force is the one that usually does me in. For some reason I have trouble explaining it, but I suspect anyone who's got their own set understands anyway.

[aja-belly]

totally! now that our twins are toddlers when i go out i will often take one baby and one older kid. this kinda gives both me and my husband a break because the babies and the older 2 are easier when seperated. i think it's good to switch up the dynamics a bit like that and maybe strengthen different relationships within the family.

[f&p'smama]

Originally Posted by queenofchaos

I have 6 kids, and I tell you, this infighting/misbehavior when in a group happens whether you've got twins or not. My twins aren't here yet, I am 32 wks pg. It's amazing how different my kids are when I have just one with me. Even just 2 is sometimes OK. But only if there is an age difference greater than 4 yrs or so. I love having individual time with my kids. It's really hard to come by tho.

No doubt. It's my singleton who made me figure this out because he acts so different when his sisters are around, which is almost all the time. But he is still so so so much easier than the twins were, and he's not a mellow, easy toddler by any stretch. Maybe it's just his personality and I'm wrong, but the girls had each other to feed off, someone their exact same age and developmental level with all the lack of reasonability 2 year olds possess. So when it was time to get in the car, it could take half an hour. Now if it's time to get in the car, the twins get it that it's time to get in the car, not run to the play structure, strip down naked, run away from me and hide and my littlest one takes his cues from them and we get in the car. He may jump into the front seat, honk the horn, jump up and down, but then he sees that his sisters are clipped in and he complies. If there was another 2 year old in the family who was willing to run away from me with him, refuse to get in the car seat and cause a general ruckus, maybe he'd be doing that? My twins were my first, so maybe later born twins follow their older sibling(s) more often and don't act as crazy.

I agree with Betsy, with twins there is something bigger than the twins. At 5, I think the built in exact same age playmate makes them easier, rather than harder, most of the time.

Also, I guess I still have bitter feelings about this issue. My twins were crazy difficult 2-year olds. I think they're generally well-behaved 5-year olds now (aside from that crawling around Barnes and Noble incident last week), but my family told me my kids were "not normal" compared to my sister's singletons who are about the same age as my twins, one a bit older and one a bit younger. They blamed gentle discipline, extended nursing, etc. It's really affected our relationship. Also, I have about 20 half-read discipline books because none of them solved the twinsanity issue. Only time did. And now I'm very glad we never resorted to punitive discipline.

[DeerMother]

I am expecting a nephew in August who I will be keeping sometimes during the day. I am so excited to try wearing/feeding/rocking/playing with etc. ONE baby.

[Red Pajama]

My grandfather had a saying in regards to children. His reflections as a farmer were based upon how much work you could count on them doing. "One kid, a whole kid, two kids, a half. Three kids, no kid at all."

Makes sense to me now!

[titania8]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

I always think of it this way. I don't just have twins = two children at once. I have Lillian, and I have Kate, and each of them have their own quirks and issues. But then there is this third entity, LillyKate, that is the combined forces of their personalities. And that combined force is the one that usually does me in. For some reason I have trouble explaining it, but I suspect anyone who's got their own set understands anyway.

yup. that makes perfect sense to me! and yes, OP, we've noticed that too, and have been amazed at how much easier 1 child is. astoundingly so.

[Intertwined]

I agree totally! I had four in four years and yes absolutely the 'group think' was present before. But this having twin two year olds? WHOA! I've never seen two kids feed off of each other like this. And it's more than just having two two year olds. It's something about the twin connection. NO ONE can bug Ben the way Claire can.